


(un)worthy

by skelelex



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Hilarity Ensues, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, background naegami, but its gotta hurt first, hajime doesn't know how to admit feelings, kazuichi and hajime are roommates, nagito is depressed, punk/pastel in some chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29200425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skelelex/pseuds/skelelex
Summary: His body felt like lead. His stomach seemed to hollow out entirely before falling from a height Hajime knew was not possible. There was a sour taste in his mouth, threatening to make him gag. Hammers pounded inside his head like it was a gong, and his heart beat faster and faster with each passing second. He could swear his lungs had filled with cotton by how hard it was to breathe. Confusion, heartbreak, and fear fought for dominance in the raging battle that had become his mind.He knew what the petal and the pain in his chest were, but he refused to acknowledge it. There was no way he had Hanahaki.Hanahaki.It was too late. As soon as the words had been thought, he knew he couldn’t deny it....In which Hajime has the Hanahaki Disease and must figure out what to do with his ignored feelings for Nagito, while Nagito truly believes he does not deserve love. An angsty journey with a happy ending!
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 201
Kudos: 275





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this work, I'd like to make it clear that I took some artistic liberties with the Hanahaki disease. I made the disease more central to the heart and lungs rather than the throat, so if that bugs you, you have been warned. I also have not written since around 2014, my apologies if anyone is OOC or things don't make sense. Also, PLEASE, if you have any constructive criticism, suggestions, ideas, requests, or even a compliment let me know. :)

Hajime could not be more relieved to finally relax.

He had spent his shift at the office answering a never ending stream of phone calls. He had dealt with complaint after complaint, appointment after appointment, question after question for what felt like much longer than his scheduled eight hour shift. He had been so busy that he didn’t even get the chance to ease the dullness and stress of the job by talking to his coworkers. That was after all, the best part of his job. 

Don’t get him wrong, he was beyond grateful for the pay and to Sonia for helping him out of his unemployed funk, but the work was boring. The cycle of picking up the phone, repeating the same scripted greeting, discussing the caller’s reason for calling, and then transferring them into the sea of desks and cubicles definitely wasn’t Hajime’s idea of a good time. Luckily enough for him, Sonia had hired some more of their school friends before he had even known she had a position that allowed her to do so. This meant that during his breaks and slow hours he was able to spend time with pals such as Chiaki, Akane, Fuyuhiko, Nekomaru, and Mahiru.

But that had not been the case today. Something had gone wrong during product distribution, which had caused a tidal wave of unsatisfied customers. Hajime was not one to pity himself, but he had been yelled at by more people today then he ever had in his life and he hoped it would never happen again. Most of them didn’t even give him a chance to explain he had no power to fix their issues and simply directed calls when they shot into screaming vulgarities at him. He had barely managed to shove half a sandwich into his mouth during his break, let alone make conversation with anyone. He wondered briefly how Mahiru was doing after managing the complaint line, but he knew she would be able to handle it.

After he had clocked out, he hadn’t even waited until he was in the elevator before he picked up his cell phone and dialed Nagito’s number. It took only moments before he could hear the boy’s smooth voice on the other end.

“Hajime,” he said, a smile evident in his voice. “For what do I owe the pleasure?”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “You make it sound like we don’t talk every single day,” He heard a short chuckle on the other end. “I just had a shift straight from hell, please tell me we’re still making dinner tonight?”

“If that’s what you want,”

He ignored the doubt in Nagito’s voice and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god, I’m leaving the office now,” He switched the phone to his other ear, fumbling for his keys in his pocket. “Is Makoto still out with Byakuya?”

“Yes he is,” he heard a hint of relief in Nagito’s voice, and questioned him curiously.

“You sound happier about that than usual, did something happen?”

“No, it's not that,” There was a brief pause as Nagito tried to think of how to respond. “I know it's not my place to complain, but they were up to quite the shenanigans when I got home from work. I’m just glad I don’t have to awkwardly avoid making eye contact with Togami all night.”

Hajime let out a laugh. “I would be too, if I’d walked in on that,” he sat down behind the wheel of his car before switching ears again. “Okay, well, I’m going to head over then. I’ll be there soon?” He grinned, excited to see his best friend again and unwind.

“I’ll be waiting,” Nagito cooed before ending the call. Hajime pulled out of the building’s crammed parking lot, unable to force the soft smile from his lips, but not really trying to either. As he drove down the familiar road to Nagito’s apartment, he let his thoughts wander.  
Unsurprisingly, he began to think of the pale lanky boy.

It was not an uncommon occurrence for this to happen, after all the two of them had been best friends going on six years at that point. However, he couldn’t help but notice that recently, thoughts of Nagito had gone from being not uncommon to taking up the majority of his brain. He couldn’t say that it bothered him, though. He sort of welcomed the warm feeling that came in his chest when Nagito was on his mind.

When he completed the journey to his apartment, he knocked eagerly on the door. Nagito opened the door in a very quick manner, and with a polite smile and kind greeting he welcomed him inside. He was wearing a red and black striped sweater that he had tucked in the front, and a chain hung from his black jeans on one of his hips. He had pulled his long white hair into a half ponytail, and Hajime grinned as he noticed the boy was wearing mismatched animal socks. He couldn’t help but think that he looked much comfier than he did in his white button up shirt and khakis, the standard for the office dress code. He was thankful he had taken his tie off in the car.

As Hajime stepped inside, he took a deep breath. Along with the recognizable scent of vanilla and sandalwood, he could smell chicken sizzling on the stovetop. He let the corner of his mouth peak up in contentedness, the familiarity bringing a sort of homey feel to him. He raised an eyebrow at Nagito, who had returned to the stove, as he took off his shoes and set his keys on the counter. 

“Woah,” he said in exaggerated shock. “Did you actually start without me?” Nagito rarely did, despite the fact that he was almost always off of work before Hajime. He was usually afraid to ruin their meal, or that Hajime would decide to not show up. Of course he insisted that it would never happen, but Nagito had his doubts.

He didn’t turn his face from the pan, but Hajime could see the twinkle in his eye that came from his efforts being noticed. “What can I say, I guess for once in my life I decided to be useful.”

Hajime frowned. He had known for a long time that trying to stop Nagito’s self deprecation was a losing battle, but it still upset him when it happened and he had never really given up on trying to encourage him. Wracking his brain for a way to refute the claim without giving Nagito the chance to fight back, he joined the other in the kitchen. As he began pulling ingredients from the cupboards, the perfect memories came to mind. 

“I can think of a few times you’ve been more than useful,” he said in a cheery tone. He didn’t get a reply, and he knew from experience that Nagito didn’t want to agree but was curious as to what the mentioned times were.

“How about that time the class went camping, and you, Fuyuhiko, Kaz, and I got lost on one of our night hikes?” He grinned at the memory, mixing various spices together in a bowl as he prepared the sauce for their food. “You were the only one who was smart enough to bring water, and the only one of us who actually knew how to navigate back to the campsite with only a compass.”

Again, Nagito didn’t say anything but he did not hide his smirk this time. Hajime took it as a sign to continue. 

“Or there was the time that we went to dinner with Mahiru and Hiyoko, and somehow not a single one of us had remembered to bring our wallets.”

Nagito hummed quietly in response, covering the chicken in flour and putting it back on the pan. “I remember that,” he said with a hint of fondness. 

“Hiyoko insisted she never paid for her own food, and Mahiru told us it was our job as the men to pay.” Hajime chuckled at the memory. “I remember already freaking out about the fact that I had forgotten mine, and I went into a full blown panic when I looked at you and realized you didn’t have any money either. We all thought the big dumb muscle-y waiter was going to kill us, and he tried to report us to the owner! But a certain lucky kid somehow convinced her that if he could beat her in rock paper scissors, we could get our meal for free. Then when you won, we all ordered more food until we were sick.” 

With this, Nagito started to giggle. “She was so mad, I thought she was going to rip her ponytails right out of her head,” he said reminiscing fondly.

“Not to mention, before I got Kaz to agree to being roommates, you let me crash on your couch until I found a place.” Hajime said these words with a softer approach, and took the time to look into Nagito’s eyes, making sure that the other knew how grateful he was. They shared eye contact for a few seconds before Nagito ducked away and opened the fridge. Hajime noticed his heart rate pick up, but paid no attention to it. Instead, focusing on the mess of white behind the refrigerator door. 

“I don’t know if that counts as useful, Hinata.” Nagito speculated.

“It’s at least helpful, and it was very much appreciated.”

The next scene unfolded before either boy realized what was happening. Neither of them noticed that the pan of chicken had caught fire, and was now burning idly right beside them. Nagito had retrieved what he needed from the fridge, and as he tried to step back to the counter, he stood up too fast, bonking his head on the top shelf with a quick “Ouch!” This then caused a vase of flowers on the top to teeter back and forth. He had stepped back, rubbing his head and closing the door. 

The final rumble of the door’s movement sent the vase flying off towards the counter. Both boys watched the vase fall, eyes wide and mouths open as they noticed the flaming pan for the first time. In some God granted miracle, when the vase hit the counter, the flowers fell to the floor, and the water splashing from within landed with a neat little hiss on the pan, extinguishing the fire just as soon as they had seen it. The two of them blinked at each other, and then the stove, and back to each other. 

Hajime roared in laughter. Unable to contain it, he gripped his sides and doubled over, tears threatening to leave his eyes. He leaned on the counter, trying to catch his breath. Without a word, Nagito picked up the vase and flowers, filling it with water again and placing it away from the edge of the fridge this time. Hajime caught wind of the blush and grin on Nagito’s face and snickered again. Hajime’s obvious amusement with the incident made him giggle as well, and the blush left his face after a shared moment of laughter. Hajime took a look at the pan of ruined chicken and threw it away, knowing it was not salvageable. “Takeout?” he asked the other with a goofy grin, and Nagito shyly nodded in agreement. 

These kind of not-so-disastrous disasters had been happening around Nagito since they had met, and though they had taken a long time to get used to, Hajime had learned to turn them into funny stories. He knew that it made Nagito feel at least a little better knowing Hajime was never annoyed or angry, and that he truly found these moments to be endearing. 

After ordering some pizza, the two decided the best course of action was to clean up before it arrived. Between dishes and cleaning rags, Hajime took another look at the boy and couldn’t help but snort again. Somehow the tip of his ponytail had found its way in sauce, and now looked like a paint brush attached to nagito’s head. The front of the boy’s sweater was soaked from the dish water, and flour dusted his sleeves, pants and cheeks which gave Hajime the impression that he looked like a snow fairy. Noticing his giggles and stare, Nagito cocked his head. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re a mess,” Hajime retorted, attempting to straighten his face.

“I always have been,” he said with a roll of his eyes before he turned back to the sink with a smirk. He looked over his shoulder, and in the sassiest tone he had, he replied, “You're not the cleanest yourself, Simba.” This caused Hajime to raise his eyebrows, and curiously he checked his reflection on the lid of a nearby pot. A large red swipe of sauce had found its home on Hajime’s forehead. His face fell as he realized he definitely had not had any room to laugh at Nagito’s appearance. Groaning at the other’s chuckles, he excused himself to the bathroom to wash himself off. He couldn’t help smiling at Nagito’s joke when he was alone.

After the two cleaned up and pizza arrived, they spent the rest of the night mindlessly watching crime dramas on the television, though they hardly paid attention. Instead the two began to talk about anything and everything. They talked about Hajime’s new job, a kitten Nagito had found a home for at the shelter, about experiences they had since the last time they had met up, and Nagito asked about Hajime’s parents like he always did. Eventually the conversation died out, and they both fell asleep on the couch. They were awoken by Makoto returning to the apartment. Groggy, and not completely understanding what Makoto was saying to him he took his cue to leave and headed home. 

Now as he headed into the complex, a smile crept on his face. Despite the mess, the fire, and the new crick in his neck from the couch, he was thankful for his night with Nagito. But then again, for Hajime, time with Nagito had always been pleasant, regardless of the other’s insistence that he was wrong to think so. Hajime’s smile fell at this thought. 

Anyone who had ever met the fair haired boy knew that he had self esteem issues, and that was putting it lightly. Most people found it annoying and considered it attention seeking, eventually deciding that distance was the best option when it came to Komaeda. But not Hajime. When he met the boy at age fifteen, he, like the rest of the world, was taken back by the boy’s demeanor, but a sort of curiosity had rooted itself in him. He had spent months getting close to him, learning his interests and disinterests, and opening up to the boy himself. 

Ultimately this led to Nagito’s first ever real friend. The pair knew things about each other that the rest of the world would never, and they had been inseparable since. If he could have one wish in this world, it would be for Nagito to know how much he really meant. Sighing again, he unlocked the door to his apartment. 

“Yo,” he heard Kazuichi's voice from inside his bedroom. “You’re out super late this time! Didja meet a girl?” His roommate’s head popped out from the door frame, and he wiggled his eyebrows. Hajime rolled his eyes and threw one of his shoes in the pink haired boy’s direction, missing on purpose but laughing when Kazuichi ducked anyways. “Fine, fine! No girl,” his voice grew fainter as he returned to his room. “What took you so long anyways?” Hajime made his way into Kaz’s room, avoiding stepping on the nuts, bolts and screws scattered across the floor. He plopped himself on his roommate’s bed, and stared at the ceiling. “I fell asleep at Komaeda’s,”

“Why?”

“I didn’t mean to, dumbass!”

“Well, duh,” Kaz picked up a disorganized pile of wires and metal and started toying with them, reaching for a screwdriver under his bed. “I meant what did you guys do that made you so tired?” Hajime sat up and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Not much, we made dinner and somehow the pan caught fire.” This was hilarious to the mechanic, his tongue poking through his sharp teeth as he cackled. “That sounds about right!” he said loudly.

Hajime took a look around at the other’s bedroom, noticing the stack of legos in the corner and three cans of monster energy that had not been in the mess the morning before. Amongst the clothes and various junk food wrappers, he could see small parts of machinery scattered across the room. It was then that he realized maybe the pile Kazuichi had grabbed actually had a function. Curious, he squinted his eyes at him. “What are you building now?”

Not looking away from the machine in his hands, he answered Hajime excitedly. “I’m building a minifridge!” He stuck his screwdriver in his mouth and reached for another unseen tool under the bed. Hajime stared at him. “Why?” he asked.

“Cuz I want a minifridge,” he said, screwdriver still in his mouth.

“There’s a fridge ten feet from you,” he questioned.

Frustrated and evidently unable to reach what he was looking for under the bed, he turned to Hajime, his tone and face exasperated. “Hajime,” he put down the weird pile of machinery. “Take a look at our fridge.”

“I’ve seen it,”

“Then answer me this, what size is our fridge?”

“Fridge sized?”

“Exactly, does that sound like ‘mini’ to you?”

Kazuichi returned to searching for whatever he needed under the bed. Hajime shook his head, knowing that when Kaz started a project, there was no stopping him from finishing. He pulled out his phone to check the time, ignoring the shaking of the bed as he rummaged underneath. It was way too late for him to still be awake, he had work in the morning. Combined with the muffled “Aha!” from under the bed, and the emergence of Kazuichi with a blow torch, Hajime decided it was time for bed.

After changing into his pajamas and brushing his teeth, he crawled into bed and closed his eyes. He let his mind drift again, and like always he thought of Nagito. He thought back to sneaking out late at night to meet up with him in high school, he thought about the adventures they had at movie theaters, amusement parks, arcades, and school dances, and of the many nights he had stayed the night at Hajime’s not wanting to be alone. 

As his body relaxed, he began to picture his smile. Not the placating smile he gave the world, or the smile he used when he insisted he was insignificant that made Hajime’s heart hurt, but the real smile he managed to get out of him once in a while when they would laugh together or Hajime would surprise him and pick him up from work. Hajime was convinced it was one of the most beautiful sights the world had to offer. If he could somehow bottle Nagito’s smile, it could cure any disease, fix any problem, or stop any war. Though a small voice in his head wondered if he would simply keep his smile to himself if given the chance. 

His thoughts raced from how soft Nagito’s hair was, to how he twirled his locks when he was thinking, to the way his lips would just barely part when you had his interest. Images of the boy laughing, and the way he would stand closer to him and pinch Hajime’s sleeves with furrowed brows when things got too loud danced in his mind. He welcomed the memories of the way he walked, carefully to never step on cracks in the pavement, and of the way he scrunched and turned his nose away when he smelled eel. Hajime knew he loved everything about Nagito, and he allowed himself to submerge in these thoughts as he prepared to succumb to sleep.

When suddenly, and without warning, a stabbing pain shot through his heart. He sat up straight and clutched at his chest, gasping for air. He pushed the blankets off himself, not sure what to do but knowing something was wrong. Somehow in the back of his mind he knew the best option was to get to Kazuichi for help. Sweat secreted through every pore in his body, he clamped his eyes shut, and clenched his jaw. He resisted the urge to scream, grunting and groaning as he clawed at the floor.

Then, as rapidly as it had come, the pain stopped. He just sat for a moment, breathing heavily and wondering what the hell had just happened. It had felt as though his heart was being stretched and ripped from the inside, and his ribcage was made of searing iron from a blacksmith’s forge. Before he could give it much thought, something tickled his throat. He began to cough, trying to get whatever he had inhaled out. He hunched over, feeling like he was coughing like a 60 year old smoker, and felt something in his mouth. Whatever it was, it was soft and thin. Something clicked, and fear shook him to his core. 

He didn’t want to look. He kept whatever was in his mouth there, too scared to take it out. He didn’t need to. He knew what it was. Between the pain, the cough, and the subject on his mind before any of that had happened… there was only one thing it could be. He knew he had to pull the object from his mouth, he couldn’t hide from this.

Quivering, he slowly spit into his hand.

In between his shaking fingers, a small yellow petal stared back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta readers for being so supportive and encouraging, I love you all so much! <3


	2. Chapter 2

His body felt like lead. His stomach seemed to hollow out entirely before falling from a height Hajime knew was not possible. There was a sour taste in his mouth, threatening to make him gag. Hammers pounded inside his head like it was a gong, and his heart beat faster and faster with each passing second. He could swear his lungs had filled with cotton by how hard it was to breathe. Confusion, heartbreak, and fear fought for dominance in the raging battle that had become his mind.

He knew what the petal and the pain in his chest were, but he refused to acknowledge it. There was no way he had Hanahaki.

_Hanahaki_.

It was too late. As soon as the words had been thought, he knew he couldn’t deny it. There was no other explanation, it was obvious. He put his head in his hands, and took a few moments to just breathe. If he didn’t calm down, he was sure to go into cardiac arrest. That would not help his already sudden drop in health. 

After more than a few deep breaths, he seemed to calm down if only a little. _It’s fine,_ he thought to himself, _I just need to think this through._ He realized with a start that although the disease was common knowledge, he did not know much about it. He quickly grabbed his phone, ripping it from its charger almost violently and immediately searched the disease in his browser.

_Hanahaki Disease is a disease in which the afflicted coughs or throws up flower petals from a flower growing within the heart, lungs, and or throat when they suffer one-sided love. Unrequited love is the only known cause of Hanahaki Disease, as the disease has never shown itself in those experiencing mutual love or those without a romantic attachment. Early symptoms include pain in the chest or throat, inability to breathe, oral discharge of flower petals, and fatigue._

_If left untreated, the afflicted will eventually die from the disease as the flower grows. Most victims who die are killed by suffocation, unable to breathe as the flower clogs their airways. However, the case may be different for those who are growing the more dangerous flowers._

_Rose growing victims may be killed if the flower’s thorns cause repeated damage to their bodies. Sunflower growing victims may be killed as the powerful roots puncture the heart or lungs. Those growing flowers such as wolf’s bane or oleander can be poisoned if the flower is allowed to grow for too long._

_There are only two ways to cure the disease. The first is for the afflicted’s beloved to return their feelings of love. The beloved must return romantic feelings for the flower to disappear. Strong feelings of friendship or familial love are not enough._

_The second way to cure the disease is to have the flower surgically removed, however removing the flower also removes the feelings for the afflicted’s beloved. The risks of the surgery vary from person to person, depending on the type of flower growing within them, and the progression of the disease._

_If you believe you or a loved one may have the Hanahaki disease, seek medical attention immediately. Hanahaki Disease is life threatening. Most doctor’s offices and hospitals are equipped to minimize damage and perform the Hanahaki surgery if necessary._

Hajime was vaguely aware of his breathing shallowing out and his heart speeding up again, but he was too busy with the maelstrom of thoughts in his head. The words he had read in the article seemed to laugh at him as panic bubbled inside him. 

Frustrated with the flushing toilet bowl that seemed to be his head, he took the time to calm himself down again. With a better grip on his emotions, he began to think deeper about the situation.

If he was growing a flower, that meant he was in love with someone, right? 

He scoffed to himself. Sometimes his stupidity surprised even himself. Of course he was in love, and there was no point in even questioning who he was in love with. The answer was obviously Nagito. Reflecting on this, he was painfully aware of every time he had thought about his best friend in the past weeks. Every time he pictured his goofy grin, his beautifully messy mop of hair, and his gorgeous green eyes that sparkled like gems in the light. Hajime laughed again. These were not platonic things to think, and he knew that. He had suspicions that he had known that for a while, but he had been too scared to admit it. 

As Hajime continued to ponder the situation and his feelings for Nagito, an unwelcoming thought crossed his mind. If he had contracted Hanahaki, that meant that his best friend saw him only as that. Friends. He frowned at this. Were his feelings really one sided? He pictured the way that Komaeda looked at him like he was the only person in the world, and the prolonged touches the two had shared for years. He thought about all of the times he had told him how grateful for Hajime he was for their friendship, and all of the times the two of them had gone above and beyond for each other. No, there was no way that this was truly just Hajime’s imagination. 

With a frown, another intrusive voice in his head told him he was wrong. If Hajime wasn’t alone with these feelings, then how had he started to grow a flower? It was scientifically impossible for someone whose feelings were reciprocated to contract Hanahaki. If he was sure Nagito also had feelings for him, maybe someone else was the cause? He scowled at the idea. He hadn’t had feelings for anyone else since he met Chiaki in the eleventh grade, and those feelings were quickly replaced with a purely friendly bond. That left only one option. Nagito definitely did not feel the same way about Hajime. He didn’t like the sickening feeling that came with this realization.

Shaking his head, he refocused himself and tried to gather the facts he knew.

Fact one: he was in love with Nagito Komaeda.

Fact two: Nagito Komaeda was not in love with him.

Fact three: he had the Hanahaki disease.

Fact four: he needed to do something about it, or he was going to die.

Hajime fell backwards onto his bed, groaning all the while. He turned to the side and let a long, emotional scream into his pillow. Why did this have to happen to him? He was put in an impossible situation. There were only three things that this could lead to. First, he could ruin his friendship with the most important person in his life, then die alone choking on a flower, Next, he could take his feelings with him to the grave, and then die alone choking on a flower. Or, he could have a potentially life threatening surgery, and lose any and all attachment to Nagito. He was unsure as to why, but deep down he knew he would not be taking the third option for any reason. Restless, and unable to sit still because of the anxiety, he stood up again and started pacing the floor. 

He wasn’t sure what to do. The article on line had told him he needed to get medical help ASAP, but that would mean worrying everyone he cared about. Besides, what were they really going to do? The hospital couldn't give him a way to make Nagito love him, and he wasn’t ready to consider the surgery. There seemed to be no other options. It was clear he didn’t have a chance.

He stopped pacing, and put a hand to his chin in thought. Was that really the case? He once again remembered the way he and Nagito interacted, and couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it. Maybe he was just oblivious?

Hajime’s eyes widened and a grin took over his face. That was it! Of course Nagito Didn’t realize. They had been friends for how long? Hajime knew that recognizing and responding to emotions had always been difficult for him, and that all he needed was a push in the right direction. Or at least that was the case most of the time. All he had to do was tell him how he felt! He chuckled at himself for being so terrified so quickly. Easy as pie. 

...Or was it? Would it really be that straightforward? He furrowed his brows. He could not deny that the thought of confessing his love filled his stomach with anxiety. If it was really that simple, Hajime surely would not have waited until he started coughing petals to do so.

Questions and doubt began to taunt him. How do you even start a conversation like that? What are you supposed to say? What if he made a fool of himself? What if he freaked Komaeda out? What if he was rejected? Oh God, what if he was rejected?

He grimaced at the idea of that conversation. “‘Hey Nagito, just wanted to let you know that I am head over heels for you! What’s that, you don’t like me back? No worries, I’m just going to die as this flower takes over my body then!’”

Hajime rubbed his eyes in frustration. He really had no idea what to do. Wincing at the realization that he was turning into a lovesick little girl, he decided looking up tips was his best option. He plopped down at his desk and turned on his laptop and nervously typed “how to tell someone you like them” into the search engine. Clicking the first tabloid article that loaded, he began to read. 

After skimming through roughly ten articles, he realized the internet would be zero help. The advice from the online community consisted of tips like ‘be confident’, ‘stay positive’, and ‘chose the right moment’. None of them mentioned what to do when your future was on the line, OR if your crush was the best thing in your life, OR how to approach them if they panic easily like Nagito was sure to. He groaned again, shutting his laptop with more force than necessary, and face planted into his bed. 

He was more than willing to just lay there, wallowing in self pity for the rest of his life, but he was interrupted by the hellish beeping of his alarm clock. He glared at the little machine on his desk, and if looks could kill the thing would have exploded on the spot. He turned it off, grumbling a string of profanities that would have brought any sailor to shame along the way. Wasn’t this just delightful? He had spent his entire night fretting, and hadn’t even realized it. Not that he thought he would get much sleep anyways, but he was upset that he hadn’t gotten to try. Now, after the shift and night that had been a gift from the devil himself, he had to do _another_ shift on no sleep save for his short nap on Nagito’s couch. Fantastic. 

Grumpy, and less than excited to go to work, he got in the shower. He let the comfort from the warm water distract him, and tried his hardest not to worry about the petal. He did, however, take the time to brainstorm some more about how to go about telling Komaeda how he felt. He wished he had more to go on, or that someone out there who knew him could help him out. He stopped, and deadpanned the wall of his shower. Mentally kicking himself, he lightly banged his head against the wall. 

Was his skull truly thick enough that he had forgotten that the two of them had friends outside each other? He didn’t even need to go out of his way to get help, he would be seeing Chiaki at work in just a few hours. She would know what to do, and she certainly wouldn’t judge or make fun of him. He quickly decided that he would keep the part about the deadly flower to himself, as there was no need to worry her. After all, he planned to nip this problem in the bud as quickly as he could, and as soon as that was done there would be no reason for anyone to worry.

Now strangely optimistic, he got out of the shower, tried to tame his spikes, and put on his regular work outfit. He then sent a good morning text to Nagito as he did every morning, not wanting to let him know anything was off, and headed to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. As he chewed unenthusiastically, he was painfully aware of how groggy he felt. He was in desperate need of caffeine. Kazuichi was sure to have an energy drink, as the boy seemed to live off of them. He tiptoed to his room and quietly opened the door. 

To Hajime’s surprise, the boy was not asleep, but instead wrapped in a blanket on the floor. He could hear sniffles leaving the boy as he stared wide eyed at the screen in front of him. Hearing the door open, Kazuichi turned to him with a quivering mouth. Hajime cocked his head at him, wondering what could be making him cry at seven in the morning.

“Dude,” Kaz said quietly, turning to face him. “You ever seen WALL-E?”

“WALL-E?” Hajime said, holding back his amusement. “You’re crying over an animated robot?”

He shook his head sadly, turning back to face the tv. “Shit hits different,” he said with a crack in his voice.

  
It took everything in him to not roll on the floor in a laughing fit, but he stayed strong. “Listen,” he said, stepping a little further in the room. “I didn’t get much sleep again, do you have any more of those energy drinks I could have?”

Eyes still glued to the screen, he nodded and pointed to the new mini fridge in the corner of the room. Hajime’s eyes widened as he stared at the little metal box, impressed that he had completed it in just one night. “Damn, you finished it already?” He asked as he made his way to the fridge. He didn’t get a response, only an aggressive shush from the pink haired punk, who then wrapped himself tighter in the blanket. Grabbing two different flavors, Hajime thanked him and headed out of the room, hearing one last murmur of “Oh my god… plants…” before he shut the door behind him.

He popped open one of the cans and chugged a few gulps, enjoying the burn of the fizz more than he normally would. It helped wake him up. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. He was ready earlier than usual, as he hadn’t hit the snooze button three times before he actually got out of bed this morning. Contemplating what to do with his new chunk of free time, he decided that the best option would be to just go to the office and wait for Chiaki there.

He grabbed his keys off the counter and put his wallet in his pocket, before yelling out a goodbye to Kaz, who simply let out a loud whine in response. As he walked to his car, he sent a text to Chiaki, and opened Nagito’s returned good morning text with a smile. He pocketed his phone, and started his commute to work. 

When he had finally arrived and parked, he had just pulled out his phone again to check for Chiaki’s reply when the pain in his chest returned. He took several sharp inhales, and tried not to freak out as he once again felt the flower’s roots begin to spread. The pain only lasted a few seconds, but it had completely knocked the wind out of him. He waited for the petal to tickle his throat, but one never came. Perhaps he wouldn’t cough one up every time the flower grew. With trembling hands, he reached for his energy drink, wishing he had water instead, and gingerly took a few sips. When his body stopped shaking, he carefully stepped out of the car and began to walk towards the entrance.

It wasn’t until he ran into her in the elevator that Hajime realized he had forgotten to check if Chiaki had replied. Seeing her comforting and warm smile, Hajime quickly released the tension he had not realized had gathered in his shoulders. Seeing another one of his best friends gave him a hope he didn’t know he needed. He smiled at her and greeted her enthusiastically.

“Hey hey,” She said as the elevator began to move. “You okay? You seemed really anxious in your messages.”

“I’m okay,” he sighed with a nod. “I just need some advice.”

“Oh, is that what you meant when you said you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah so--” Hajime was cut off by the ding of the elevator doors opening as Sonia and Mahiru stepped inside, pausing their own conversation when they noticed the pair already on board. Hajime quickly shot Chiaki a look, telling her they would talk later.

“Hajime, Chiaki,” Sonia said with a graceful smile. “How are the two of you doing this morning?”

The two of them smiling back, offering murmurs of affirmations in return.

“Rough night, Hinata?” implored Mahiru, gesturing to the two energy drinks in his hands with a smirk in her eyes. He chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “You could say that,” he said, trying to avoid the topic. “What about yourself, I know the complaint line was a trainwreck yesterday. Were you able to hold up?”

“Yeah, I got out alive,” Mahiru rolled her eyes, and put a hand on her hip. “But it wouldn’t have hurt to have some help y’know!” She glared at Hajime with an accusing look, as if he should have been the one to help.

“What did you expect me to do?” he asked defensively. “I had more calls to answer than you, I had to direct every one that came in!”

“Yes, about that,” Sonia interjected, cutting off the conflict immediately. She placed a hand on her chin, a worried expression on her face.“I wanted to thank each of you for working so hard yesterday, and to sincerely apologize for the commotion. You all gave your best, and because of your perseverance and determination, we were able to get everything under control!” With these words she raised a fist and put on a smile filled with determination.

None of them had felt like thanks or apologies were needed, but after hearing Sonia’s words, they all felt better about the ruckus from the previous day.

“It's no problem,” Chiaki said with a closed eye smile, “It's our job after all!”

“Yeah, don’t sweat it!” Mahiru agreed.

With everyone’s spirits lifted, the four of them headed into their section of the building, making easy conversation along the way. Eventually Sonia and Mahiru departed to their desks, and Hajime told Chiaki they would talk during lunch. He had lost most of his spare time dealing with his chest pain in the car. With that, he clocked in, and spent most of the morning answering boring calls, over thinking, and texting Nagito when no one was looking. He had told Nagito about his exhaustion without much detail, and he in return had told him about his breakfast hang out with Makoto. 

Soon, it was time for the team to go to lunch, and he quickly set off to meet Chiaki, wondering where the best place to talk would be. He opened his mouth to say something, but Chiaki was already ahead of him. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him to her cubicle, which honestly was the most privacy they were going to get. Hajime’s desk was out in the open and within earshot of not only Sonia, but a handful of other desks as well. The break room was out of the question, as it was already full of employees making and eating their lunch, and anyone leaving or returning for their break would hear them in the hallway. She swiftly pulled him inside, and gestured for him to sit in the chair, opting to rest on the desk herself. She tilted her head and furrowed her brows at him, but she didn’t say anything.

Hajime took a deep breath and steeled himself up. “So, last night I had a sort of epiphany,” he paused, waiting for a response, and continuing when he didn’t get one. “Well, actually I’m not sure if it was an epiphany so much as it was a reluctant acknowledgement.”

Chiaki blinked at him.

Sighing, he continued. “I… I’m in love.”

She blinked again.

Now slightly annoyed at the lack of enthusiasm for his mind boggling revelation, he huffed. “With Nagito,” He whispered with a hint of irritation.

The mention of the luckster had finally stirred something, as Chiaki tilted her head and raised her eyebrows, putting a finger up to her chin. “Is that all?” she asked.

All he could do was sputter with wide eyes. “Wha-- huh?” he raised his voice from a whisper. “What do you mean is that all?”

“Hajime,” she said endearingly. “Is that really supposed to be a surprise? I’ve been watching you two interact since high school, it’s kind of obvious.”

His heart fell slightly at those words. If it was obvious, maybe Nagito already knew and was just ignoring him. Sensing the dread on his face, Chiaki continued to question him. “What's wrong with it being obvious? If he had a problem with it he would have done something by now. Besides, you know Nagito, he probably doesn’t even realize.”

Hajime rubbed his chin in thought, relieved that she had the same train of thought. “That was my impression too, but what am I supposed to do about it?”  
  
“Tell him?” She said with a hint of ‘duh’.

“How?” He deadpanned her. “I tried to look it up, but nothing helped. If I just go up to him and tell him I love him, he’ll freak.”

“Then ease him into it. Don’t immediately jump to love,” She fumbled with her hands as she fell deeper into thought. “Start small, ask him out first. Make sure he's comfortable, and ease him into it.”

That wasn't a bad idea, Hajime admitted to himself. “But what kind of date do I even take him on? How do I make sure he knows it's a date?”

Chiaki sighed. “Hajime, you're overthinking this. You _know_ Komaeda. You know what he likes, what he doesn’t, and I think deep down you know what to do, but you’re too scared of making a mistake.”   
  
Hajime let out a sour laugh. “Of course I’m scared! What if I do fuck up and he never wants to see me again? I don’t want…” the words caught in his throat. “I don’t want to lose him Chiaki.” He put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. 

Chiaki frowned, not liking how distressed he was. She had a nagging feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling her. He had no need to freak out like he was. Worried again, she squatted down next to Hajime, forcing him to look at her. “You’re not going to lose him,” she soothed, putting as much care in her voice as she could. “Hajime, what’s really wrong? Even if it doesn’t work out, it's not the end of the world.”

Hajime had to bite back a chuckle. He wanted to tell her that it would be the end for him. That his life depended on this crumb of hope, but he couldn’t. “I just don’t want to live like that,” It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the truth. 

She could sense that there was more to it, but she knew he wasn’t going to budge. All she could do was help him to the best of her abilities with the information she had. “Then you won’t,” she reassured. “I’ll help you come up with something that’s sure to not backfire, okay?” 

He nodded, and without any warning he wrapped her up in a hug. She was shocked at first, but quickly hugged him back, knowing that he needed it. The tightness and length of the embrace strengthened her fear that something was wrong.

When Hajime finally pulled away, the two of them left to spend the remainder of the lunch break getting food. Hajime had forgotten a lunch, and decided he would just get some snacks from the vending machine.

It turned out that he didn’t need to use the machines, for when he and Chiaki returned to the central part of the office, an angel was waiting for them by his desk.

No wait, not an angel. It was Nagito. Was Nagito an angel? Yes, certainly. That was the only explanation for his ethereal beauty, Hajime was sure of it.

He was sat in Hajime’s chair, spinning back and forth as he absent mindedly twirled his hair around his finger and scrolled through his phone. A sort of heavenly aura seemed to surround him. He was only wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, but to Hajime it was the most attractive thing he had ever seen him in. His hair seemed to be curlier than usual, and brighter. It both stuck out and hung loose in every direction, framing his face perfectly. His lips were slightly parted, and his adorable button nose scrunched in concentration. Hajime caught himself staring at his lips for just a little too long, and he shuffled his feet awkwardly. That caught Nagito’s attention, and he looked up from his phone with a smile, catching his eyes with his own.

Hajime’s heart skipped several beats. If there had been any doubt that he was in love before, those doubts were utterly demolished when he looked into his eyes. Those gray green eyes swirled with everything he knew about Nagito. To Hajime, they were the prettiest color he would ever lay eyes upon. They reminded him of the way a lake shined from up close, or moss on trees. When he looked into Nagito’s eyes, he was seeing the real him. No matter what he wanted you to see, the truth was always there. Pain, happiness, relief, fear, hope. They were all shown in the beauty that was those eyes.

Hajime was shoved out of his trance when Chiaki elbowed him in the ribs. “What?” he asked in a haze.

Nagito giggled quietly. “I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you had a rough night, you looked like you were dreaming just now.”

Hajime tried desperately to hide the blush on his cheeks, hoping he was successful. “My bad,” he responded, trying to keep himself cool and composed. “What brings you here?”

“I thought a pick me up might help you out,” He gestured to the bags on Hajime’s desk that had gone unnoticed previously. Hajime beamed, recognizing the scent.

“No way!” he said, rushing forward as Nagito began emptying them. He pulled out two trays of sushi, and a tray of kusamochi. Nagito simply smiled in response, pulling one of the trays towards himself and eating the sushi. Realizing how hungry he was, he began to do the same.

“Thank you,” Hajime mumbled, touched and flustered.

“It's the least someone like me could do for someone like you,”

Hajime bopped him with chopsticks, and Nagito let out a snicker. He was about to start a conversation, when Nagito’s phone ringing cut him off. Giving him an apologetic glance, he quickly answered it. Hajime could see the disappointment that appeared in his eyes as Nagito listened to the voice on the other end, despite the placid expression remaining on his face. As the conversation ended, he could almost swear he heard Nagito let out a sigh.

“Gundham has requested I return to the shelter early,” He said.

“You seem disappointed, why not just tell him no?” Hajime asked, not wanting the other to leave so soon after making such a kind gesture. 

“All I’m here for is to help others, Hajime. I could never be so selfish as to turn down someone who needs my help, that would make me even more worthless than I already am.”

He tried to fight Nagito’s words, but he was stopped. “I’ll see you later, Hajime, I hope your meal wasn’t disgusting. Enjoy your mochi.” 

He flashed a sad smile, and before Hajime got a chance to speak, Nagito was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably be updating every 4-5 days from now on, maybe sooner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen the video referenced to in this chapter by some miracle, here it is. https://youtu.be/X2WH8mHJnhM

Hajime had  _ not _ expected the disease to intensify his feelings tenfold. He spent the second half of his shift in another world, one where Nagito was the only thing in existence. The angel of luck did not leave his mind for the rest of the day. 

When the time came for him to finally clock out, he made his way back to Chiaki’s desk, hoping to continue their earlier conversation. To his dissatisfaction, she informed him that she had fallen asleep on the clock, and therefore had to stay late and finish her work for the day. After getting a pinky promise that she would message him when she got off, he headed home. 

When he arrived, he could hear an unholy screeching from inside the apartment from out in the hall. Wondering what could possibly be going on inside, he unlocked and opened the door. Immediately regretting his decision, he winced as he was greeted by the sound of dying souls from within Kazuichi’s room. He covered his ears and yelled, asking what the  _ hell _ that sound was but getting no response. He rushed into the room, desperate for the noise to cease, but stopped dead in his tracks. It wasn’t until the mechanic finally heard his roommate enter that the torture stopped.

“Why hello there Hajime!” He said, amusement evident on his face. Hajime watched as he lowered a long black plastic tube from his lips. “What brings you to my humble abode?”

Hajime whacked him upside the head, not hard, but enough to get a snicker and a grunt. “What the hell are you doing in here?” He cursed.

“I have decided to learn a new skill,” He beamed, holding up the piece of plastic. “BEHOLD! The recorder. Mankind’s simplest instrument.”

Hajime stared at him. “You're kidding, right?”

“Fuck no I’m not!” He quickly scooted over, and patted the bed next to him, gesturing for Hajime to sit next to him. “Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘But Kaz, you’re already soooo talented, and so handsome, why would you ever feel the need to do such a thing’, right?”

“Uhh, ‘why is my dumbass roommate trying to deafen me’ is more like it.”

Kazuichi ignored him, continuing his monologue with fake sophistication. “Well, there are several reasons why I have made this decision. For one, we all know the ladies love a musical man. For two, I have recently come across an absolute GEM of a meme on the internet. If you would be so kind as to turn your attention to the tiny screen in my hand.”

With that, he whipped out his phone, and pressed play on a video. Hajime was forced to watch a four minute video of some man he had never seen butcher a song he recognized from the Titanic. As the scene changed from a candle lit corner, to a lonely car scene, to dramatic wind clips, Kazuichi roared with laughter besides him. Hajime soon joined him, unable to deny the humor in the stupid song.

“So you see,” Kaz tried to catch his breath. “I am determined to be able to recreate this masterpiece.”

“So you’re telling me for the foreseeable future, I have to listen to you listen to you learn this?” He questioned, still laughing between breaths.

“Oh, you will be doing more than that, my dear friend.” With this, Kaz reached under the bed and whipped out another recorder, this one white and still in the package. He raised his eyebrows at Hajime and nodded at him, a mischievous grin on his face.

The two began cackling, and Hajime took the box from him. “Oh hell yeah,” he nodded. “I’m so down.”

Knowing that instead of having to suffer through this experience, he would be joining Kaz in the ridiculous journey filled him with excitement instead of dread. He pulled it from the plastic, and gave a quick blow inside. Kazuichi winced, snickering at the awful scream that came from the recorder. 

They spent the next chunk of time learning the basic notes together, and after a couple hours of practice, Hajime had a fantastic idea. 

“You know what would be hilarious?” He hinted.

Interested, Kazuichi raised an eyebrow, but did not stop the screech of his recorder. 

“We should play Titanic on your TV, and then when the song actually plays, we can harmonize with our beautiful masterpiece.”

His eyes widened and sparkled with childlike awe. “I have never heard such a wonderful idea!” He snatched up the remote, and eagerly found the film on a streaming site. He smirked at Hajime, and waggled his eyebrows. “Bro, be honest,” he pried. “You just wanna see Kate Winslow’s tits, don’t you?”

Hajime punched his arm, which earned a cry of pain and a glare as Kazuichi rubbed the injury. He snickered back at him in response. “You know that Leonardo DiCaprio is really where it's at,” he half joked.

“Ha! Hajime has a crush on Leoooo!” Kaz sang.

That deserved another punch, and the mechanic grunted before scowling and hitting him back, harder. Hajime laughed at the other’s annoyance, and the two smiled at each other before pressing play.

They spent the majority of the film practicing their song, howling with laughter each time they got the notes right. Finally, the moment was upon them. They giggled like kids in a candy store as the film came to a close and the end credits began to roll. Each of them took a deep breath and played the disturbing melody, trying to choke down laughter as they dramatically swayed and danced as they did. Kazuichi pretended to die like Jack had in the film, and Hajime pretended to push him into the sea.

Their enjoyment came to a rapid close out of nowhere, as a familiar pain shot through Hajime’s chest. He dropped the recorder, and clutched the collar of his shirt as he leaned on a nearby dresser for support. He let out a gasp, unaware of his roommates cries to him. Tightly shutting his eyes, and attempting to take deep breaths as he felt Kaz come to his side, but this was a mistake. The inhalation seemed to unlock a coughing fit from within his lungs.

He desperately tried to push his friend away, not wanting him to see the petal that would inevitably fall from his lips, but it was no use. Kazuichi was gripping his shirt and he was vaguely aware of him asking what was wrong, but he could not stop his coughs long enough to answer him. A pit formed in his stomach, knowing he was unable to run or hide and that the flower in his chest would not be a secret for much longer. 

Determined to hide the cause, he quickly covered his mouth, and tried to catch it as discreetly as he could, hiding the petal in his hand. He breathed for a moment, still feeling the other’s hand on his back. At last, he was conscious of his words of worry.

“Hinata, are you okay?” he asked, trying to look into his eyes.

Hajime averted his gaze, nodding instead of speaking. Shaking, and still clutching his fist, he tried to stand.

“Seriously dude, what just happened?” He demanded.

“Nothing,” he lied, his voice coarse. “I’m fine.”

His attempts to leave the room were halted when a lime green jumpsuit blocked the door. “Ohh no you don’t,” Souda chided. “You’re hiding something.”

Hajime refused to look up from the floor, the petal feeling hot and heavy in his hand. “Let me out,” he almost growled.

It was then that Kazuichi noticed the white knuckle grip he seemed to have on nothing, and his stomach dropped. “Haj, what’s in your hand?”

He ignored him, and put his fist behind his back, trying to shove his way past. Kazuichi was not having it. He tried to grab his arm, and was met with much resistance. “Dude!” He shrieked. “What the fuck is in your hand?” 

Still, the other avoided answering. The punk narrowed his eyes, and in a split second decision, tackled Hajime to the ground. The two of them rolled around on the floor, hitting each other and grunting as Hajime tried fiercely to keep his hand closed.

It was no use. He still felt weak, and he hadn’t fully caught his breath. Kazuichi pinned him on the floor, sitting on his back and grasping his arm tightly. He pried the others hand open, ignoring his protests, worry for his friend being his only concern. He gasped at what he saw in his clutch. The two sat still and silent for a moment, before Hajime gave up and dropped the petal. Kazuichi quickly got off of him, and he pulled his knees to his chest, not knowing what to say.

“Y-you,” Souda sputtered. “You have Hanahaki?” The distress and worry in his voice took Hajime back. He sounded as though it were a death sentence, like there was no hope for him. This had been exactly why he didn’t want anyone to know. Irked by the fact that he had found out, he sat up quickly and acted like nothing was wrong.

“I’m fine,” he insisted bluntly. 

Kaz pulled the beanie tighter on his head, clearly freaking out. “You’re not fine! People die from this!”

“People who don’t know how to fix it die from this.”

He looked at Hajime like he was crazy. “Fix this?” he yelled disbelievingly. “Do you know how rare that is? People don’t just start growing plants for no reason, idiot!”

“Yes, but I’m convinced that Komae--” He stopped. He did not mean to slip the name to Kaz, who would no doubt give him shit about his choice in love. 

The pink haired boy’s mouth dropped. “KOMAEDA?!” he screamed. “Hajime, really? That's who you’re in love with?”   
  
“Oh my god will you please keep your voice down?”

Too overwhelmed to process the volume request, Kazuichi continued his panicked rambling. “You’re telling me that Nagito Komaeda, the person you have been basically attached at the hip with since high school, not only somehow captured your heart but by some  _ miracle _ doesn’t feel the same way?”

Hajime sighed with relief at this, liking that his belief was shared. Hajime felt like his chances were looking fairly good.

“Kazuichi calm  _ down _ ,” he coaxed. He found it strange that he was the one comforting Souda, not the other way around. “There is no need to panic like this! I had the exact same thought, which is why I’m not worried. Nanami is helping me come up with a confession plan, and after we get everything figured out, it will all be fine.”

“Damn it…” He whined. “This is bad! I don’t like this plan one bit. You should be going straight to the hospital.”

Hajime shook his head. “No, I’ll get it taken care of. I swear I’ll be okay.”

He stood to leave, not wanting to continue the conversation, but he was stopped when a hand grabbed his wrist. Bright pink eyes met golden green ones, and Hajime could sense all of the care and concern in them. Great, now he felt bad. He didn’t really know everything would be okay. He wasn’t even sure he would have the guts to tell Nagito how he felt, but he didn’t have a choice. He refused to burden anyone with his problems. He broke eye contact as he turned his head to the floor once again.

“Hinata, I know I can’t force you to go to the hospital, but please,” Kazuichi pleaded. “Promise me that if things don't work out with Nagito, you’ll get help.”

He gulped down his guilt and nodded slowly. “I promise,” he croaked. “Please don’t tell anyone, okay?”

He didn’t wait for a response, and immediately exited the room. He slunk back to his own bedroom, mind numb of everything but shame and doubt. Was he making the right choice? Was Kaz right, and he should be in a hospital? He had been right about at least one thing. People didn’t just start growing plants for no reason. If he had one, that meant Nagito really didn’t have feelings for him. There were no guarantees that disclosing his emotions to Nagito would do anything. 

Disappointment filled him like rice being poured into a pot. He had briefly considered that Nagito didn’t reciprocate, but he had quickly pushed the thought out of his mind. He was so sure that they had something, but Kazuichi had shattered that illusion. He kicked himself mentally, hating that he let himself get his hopes up. He had a deadly disease, not a school crush. A new found hopelessness swarmed around him, and he resisted the urge to cry.

He was so absorbed in his own despair, that he almost missed the muffled Mario Bros theme playing softly from his pocket. Recognizing it as Chiaki’s ringtone, he pulled his phone out and stared at the screen. He didn’t really feel like coming up with a plan anymore. He debated just cutting the act off right then, and being honest about the disease. He pondered going to the hospital and just getting the flower removed along with his feelings, never having to deal with it again or worry his loved ones.

He didn’t like that idea. He enjoyed the bliss that came when he was around Nagito. For longer than he had realized, he had been the highlight of Hajime’s life. His days were spent thinking about Nagito, his nights were spent dreaming of Nagito. He spent his time talking to Nagito, hanging out with Nagito, helping Nagito. When he saw something he liked, his first thought was Nagito. He was constantly wondering, would Nagito like this? What does Nagito think about that? Even when he was with his other friends, the longing for Nagito to join them was inevitable. 

What would happen if he lost all of that? His life would be changed forever. He knew there was more to life than  _ just _ the white haired beauty, but he seemed to brighten every aspect of it. Not only that, but Hajime was basically all he had. He didn’t want to seem selfish by admitting it, but Nagito had told him this more than once. 

Komaeda didn’t have any parents, having lost them in a plane crash when he was young. The only foster mother he had ever loved gave him back when he got “too difficult”. He never had any extended family, never had a relationship, and before Hajime, he had never had a friend. Sure, Hajime had come with friendship from the rest of their high school class, but none of them had adored and cared for him in the way Hinata did. None of them tried to know him--none of them  _ did _ know him--like Hajime had. Without him, Nagito was alone. 

These thoughts raced through Hajime’s mind at the speed of light. He cemented his choice to not get the surgery right then and there. No, he would not lose his light, his hope. He no longer cared about confessing, he had bigger fish to fry. He was going to tell him the truth, and he couldn’t care if Nagito returned his truth. His heart fell painfully at the thought of rejection, but it didn’t matter. If he was going to die from this flower, so be it. He would spend the rest of his time showing Nagito what he meant to everyone, to the world, to  _ him _ .

Right then, the plan had changed. 

He toughened himself up and, now determined to make a plan with Chiaki, answered the phone just before he missed the call. 

“Hey hey,” he heard her say when he had finally picked up. “You’re alive!”

He smiled shyly. “Yeah,” he sighed, a little embarrassed. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“For two hours?” To a stranger, she most likely sounded tired and uninterested, but he knew her well and easily picked up the humor in her tone. 

He stuttered and pulled the phone away from his ear to check the time. It was around nine, just like he thought. Her comment confused him for a moment, before he saw the repeated text notifications on his lock screen.

He uttered a quiet “Oh…” before he put the receiver back to his ear. “Chiaki, I’m so sorry! Souda and I were learning how to play the recorder while we watched the Titanic.” There was silence on Chiaki’s end for a few seconds too long before she giggled softly. 

“That’s ridiculous, don’t you have other things to worry about? Like how you’re going to woo Komaeda?”

“Yeah, about that,” He sat up a little straighter and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve been thinking. You know how you said he was probably just unaware?”

“Mhmm…” she urged him to continue.

“Well, that got me wondering. What if I  _ make _ him aware and he freaks out, or what if it doesn’t change anything?”

Chiaki seriously doubted that either of those things would happen, but telling Hajime that wouldn't ease his tension. She kept quiet, knowing Hajime wasn’t finished with his train of thoughts, even if he thought he was.

“I really,  _ really  _ love him, Chi. He makes me so unnaturally happy. This morning I was scared of losing him, but I don’t think that’s the issue anymore. I think that I just want him to know that someone loves him, before…” He trailed off.  _ Before it’s too late.  _ “Before I worry about anything else.”

There was another pause as Chiaki gathered her thoughts. She did not like the poorly hidden woe in his voice when he had trailed off. What was he hiding? Before what? She knew that pushing Hajime was no way to get answers, and whatever was bothering him would be divulged when he was ready. Opting to drop it, she resumed the conversation.

“Not going to lie, that sounds like a much easier task, but I still think you should be honest with him. Have you thought of any ways to do such a thing?”

“No, I have no ideas.”

“Really?” She huffed at him. “Nothing comes to mind?”

Hajime blinked in confusion. “Is something supposed to come to mind?” He heard her facepalm through the phone.

“Let's try to think of some ways someone has shown they care for you recently.”

She waited for Hajime to catch on.

He didn’t.

“Like, maybe bringing us our favorite meal at work?” She mocked with increasing sternness.

“OH!” He gasped, a little louder than he should have. He lowered his voice. “Oh. Like how Nagito did for me?”

“Hajime, I love you, but sometimes I wonder if forgetting how many sides an octagon has was your dumbest moment.”

He snickered at this, knowing she was just teasing him. “Gimme a break here! I’ve never had to do this before.”

“Well, now you know what step one is. What's step two?”

“Step two is…”

“Step two is planning a night out full of his favorite things. Get a hold of yourself.”

“And, this would be the date, right?”

“Yes.” she answered bluntly. “Any ideas on that one? What kind of a date setting would he like?”

Hajime pinched the bridge of his nose, thinking. “That’s a tough one. When I think of dates, my mind goes to places like the mall or the carnival. You know Nagito doesn’t like loud places. He likes quiet, and peace.”

“Hmm, what about that little park that’s a couple blocks from the office? It’s never busy and there’s a quiet cafe nearby. Plus, they just put up fairy lights and planted new flowers, so it’s sure to be beautiful.”   
  
“Nanami, you are a genius.” 

Hajime could not hide the dumb grin that spread across his face. Her idea was perfect! Nagito would love that, and Hajime could get him a gift beforehand. Everything was falling into place. 

“Not really, I just pay attention. Now, go spend some time planning more details, and get some rest. You’re exhausted, and you have work to do this weekend!”

“You got it,” he said, filled with excitement instead of fear for once. “And hey, Chiaki?”   
  


“Hm?”   
  
“Thank you.”   
  
They both smiled warmly, thinking about how grateful for their friendship each of them was.

“Anytime, Hajime.” With that, their phone call ended, and Hajime got ready for bed.

  
  
  
  


The next morning he woke up when his saturday alarm rang at nine o’clock, but opted to let himself sleep for an extra hour. He had, after all, pulled two shifts and an all nighter, not to mention his body was sore from the random Hanahaki pains. Besides, Kaz usually worked Saturdays so staying in bed just meant he had a greater chance of avoiding an awkward confrontation.

Unbeknownst to him, however, Kazuichi had agreed to work the sunday shift at the shop that weekend, and had experienced the same exact thought process as Hajime. This led to an even more awkward encounter, as both boys left their rooms for the first time that day at the exact same time. 

“I, uh, thought you would be at work,” Hajime said awkwardly.

“Yeah, I’m working tomorrow instead.” Kaz refused to meet his eyes, and quickly stepped into the kitchen. The two sat in silence as Hajime prepared a cup of coffee, and Kaz put some pizza rolls in the microwave. The two sat in uncomfortable silence, and it made Hajime’s skin crawl. Determined to not let it get to him, he started a friendly conversation.

“A healthy breakfast as always, I see,” he bantered.

“You know me,” the bed headed mechanic smiled and gave a thumbs up. “Pizza rolls are the perfect breakfast. You have your grains in the crust, your protein in the pepperoni pieces, and your fruit in the tomato sauce! It's basically the same as a glass of orange juice, eggs and toast.”

Hajime glared at him for a moment, but couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. Even when things were weird with them, Souda was still Souda. “I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“Says who? The government?” Kaz scoffed. “They’re lying to you.” The tension seemed to ease for a moment as the two enjoyed the joke. Feeling a little braver, Kazuichi started the next topic. “Got any plans this weekend?”

Hajime knew he didn't actually want to talk about weekend plans, but he didn’t really want to talk about yesterday either. He guessed it was just best to get it over with. 

“Yeah, actually…” he hesitated. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “I’m going to bring some food to the shelter for Nagito, and if all goes well I’ll be spending the day with him tomorrow too.” 

Kazuichi’s expression shifted, and before Hajime could recognize to what, he turned back to his pizza rolls. “So,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “Is that what you meant by fixing it?”

There it was. He sighed, and took a sip of his coffee. “Sorta.” He left his answer vague, not knowing how to reassure him. The mechanic’s shoulders slumped, and there was silent for a moment before he turned around. 

Hajime expected Kazuichi to be angry, or maybe even panic again. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he were to be jumped again. But instead of any of that, Kazuichi put a hand on his shoulder. “Good luck,” he said. 

Hajime squinted at him. “What?”

“I said good luck,” he picked up his plate of pizza rolls and popped one into his mouth. “I trust you, dude. If you promise you’ll be okay, I believe you. Though, I do gotta say,” he joked. “Weird choice in a soulmate.” He headed to the couch, and turned on the TV.

Relief flooded every inch of his body. A small smile pricked at him as he joined his friend on the couch. “Thank you,” he said quietly. Kazuichi nodded in response.

Things seemed to return to normal between them, and after goofing around and watching whatever anime was on TV, he decided it was time to head out. 

He made his way into town to pick up the curry and rice he knew Nagito loved, and as he headed towards the animal shelter, he realized just how little he had actually thought ahead. Sure, he had a basic outline, but he hadn’t considered any variables. What if he was busy when he arrived? What if Nagito realized he was being asked out and panicked? What if he  _ didn’t _ realize he was being asked out? What was Hajime even going to say? Oh god what was he going to say?

Several awful ideas came to him, one including calling Nagito “sweetcheeks”, and Hajime decided that fretting over it was not the right option. He had asked Nagito to hang out a million times over the years, and treating this differently would only lead to humiliation.

At last, he finally pulled into the animal shelter’s parking lot. He took a few moments to check his reflection in the rearview mirror and give himself a pep talk, before he grabbed the bags of food and headed inside. 

He was pleasantly surprised to find that the shelter was empty, save for Gundham at the front counter. He was feeding and playing with some hamsters in an enclosure resting next to the shelter’s computer. Upon seeing Hajime’s entrance, he smirked.

“Well well well,” he said dramatically with a fold of his arms. “What brings a mere mortal to our kingdom?”

Hajime grinned at him. He hadn’t changed much since school, but Hajime loved it. It was nice in a way, knowing Gundham would always be Gundham. 

“Hey Gundham,” he said with a wave. “Long time no see, how have you been?”

He let out a deep chuckle. “The Gods themselves have never known such luxury and joy! At long last, my domain has expanded.”   
  
Hajime squinted, trying to understand what he was saying. “Oh yeah!” He remembered now. “Sonia said you two were moving in together. Glad to hear that everything is going smoothly!”

Gundham reached a hand into the hamster enclosure, and the four small animals nimbly ran up his arm. They nestled on his shoulders, looking comfy, as he began to clean out the cage. “Now, I assume you have not come to bask in my glory?” he raised an eyebrow.

Hajime chuckled nervously and put his free hand to his neck. “Ah, no. Is Komaeda here?”

“In the back, but do not dare to venture past the break room with such tempting smells in hand, lest the hounds be tempted to feast.”   
  
“Gotcha, thank you.”   
  
Gundham let him behind the counter, and he made his way to the back gingerly. Stopping to check if he was in the breakroom, he dropped off the food and made his way around, searching for the elusive boy. He finally laid eyes on him, and once again his breath hitched in his throat. Nagito was truly stunning. He had chosen a black turtleneck and army green pants, complete with his favorite pair of brown shoes. He had once again pulled his hair into a half ponytail, and was wearing the simple orange apron that was his uniform. Nagito was turned away from the doorway as he picked a small kitten from her resting place in one of the comfy cages the shelter provided, and ever so gently he stroked her head. 

Hajime’s heart swelled up to ten times the size it was. Nagito was so gentle with the animals, and the way he looked at the kitten with shining eyes as he whispered comforting words to her was truly the most heartwarming thing he had ever seen. The world around him disappeared as he watched the pale boy pet her with so much love, and she nuzzled into his hand, mewling happily.

He probably could have watched Nagito play with the cats all day, but he had no explanation for just staring. He decided it was best to make his presence known. He cleared his throat, and Nagito spun around on his heels. 

The smile Nagito gave him would stay with Hajime forever.

“Hajime!” He said excitedly, probably too excitedly in his opinion. Better to fix that now. “Hajime,” he tried to sound more impassive this time. “I’m so glad to see you took time out of your busy day to come visit trash like me.”

Hajime frowned, deciding now was as good as time as ever to put his plan into action. “You’re not trash to me.”   
  


Nagito blinked. He knew Hajime was never the most… comfortable with his unorthodox coping mechanisms, but it had been a while since the last time he had tried to fight him on it. He briefly wondered what had changed.

“Still,” he ignored Hajime’s protest. “What has warranted such a treat?”

Hajime looked away, getting nervous now. “I brought you curry and rice! It’s in the break room.” He tried to keep his tone casual. Nagito beamed at him. 

“That is so kind of you! I can’t think of any reason why I would deserve such a kind gesture.”   
  
Hajime left the doorway to walk up to him, and instead of focusing on their proximity, he distracted himself by playing with the cat in Nagito’s arms. She truly was adorable, snow white, except towards her feet and the tips of her ears and tail where the fur turned into a light brown. He looked at the kitten, then to Nagito, then back to the kitten, trying to hide his delight at the fact that the two looked similar. He could feel his cheeks heating up, but tried his best to hide it by still focusing on the little fuzzball.

“You don’t have to earn kindness, Nagito. Especially not from me. I care about you, y'know? Besides, I wanted to repay you for bringing me lunch yesterday.”

  
Hajime could swear he heard Nagito gulp, but when he looked at the boy, his expression had not changed. He didn’t answer him, and instead decided to gush about the cutie in his arms.

“Her name is Nozo,” Nagito hummed. “She truly is one of the sweetest creatures I’ve ever met. We’ve been struggling to find her a home, but she’s finally found a family. They are coming to pick her up tonight!”

Hajime thought his heart was sure to explode if he was going to continue being cute like this. He sounded so genuinely happy for the tiny creature, that Hajime started to feel the same way. He couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face if he wanted too.

“That’s so great to hear, I’m so happy for you Nozo!” Hajime scratched behind her ear and she purred loudly.

“Ma’am, you sound like a motorcycle.” Nagito scratched under her chin, and she reveled in the attention.

Still smiling, and feeling nothing but positivity around his--er  _ the _ angel beside him, he decided to just rip off the bandaid.

“Hey, do you want to do something tomorrow?” his palms started to sweat. This was ridiculous, it was one sentence! “I was hoping we could go out and maybe hit the park by the office.”

Nagito shrugged. “Why not? Lady Luck knows I have no plans.”   
  
“I mean, just the two of us.” Hajime rubbed his neck anxiously, hoping he would catch on. He didn’t.

Nagito tilted his head. “What are you saying, dear Hajime? I can’t bring Nozo?” he held the cat out and stuck his tongue out the tiniest bit. The kitten, obviously unaware of Nagito’s actions, did the exact same with her own tongue. The gesture was so pure, so adorable, that Hajime could not help but laugh. He giggled, putting a hand up to cover his mouth.

And then it happened again. 

Pain took over his chest, and he felt the burning of his heart as the flower inside of him stretched its roots. He tried his best to hide the discomfort, knowing it was  _ vital  _ that he kept it from Nagito. He needed to get the pain over with, and fast. He thought maybe, he could force it to end quicker by forcing the petal out himself? He didn’t have many options as he stood rigid, Nagito yet to notice the change in his stature. 

He forced himself to cough. Not that it was hard, it only took one tiny little disturbance before he was hacking up a lung, well, a petal. Nagito looked at him. “You okay?” he asked.

Hajime nodded, evidently successful in his attempt to hide his pain. He somehow managed to choke out an apology and hold up an index finger as he coughed over and over again. 

Trying to force out the petal was not a great idea. For some reason, it had hurt his chest more, and the cough felt dry and it hurt. He felt like his throat was lined with sandpaper.

After a few more moments, he managed to get the petal out and in his hand without Nagito ever noticing. He took some more breaths, and tried to ignore the residing pain. “Sorry,” he croaked. “It must be the air quality or something.”   
  
Nagito took his tone as sheepish, and smiled at the brunette. “Maybe you got a hairball.”   
  
Hajime smiled weakly, but was definitely not in laughing condition. Coughing had gotten rid of the evidence, but the pain gripping his heart had not been eased. “Maybe,” he whispered. He was painfully aware of the fact that he could not stay and continue his time with Nagito, no matter how badly he wished he could. “Guess I’ll head out. Apparently I need to get away from all this hair.” He tried desperately to keep his voice from shaking.

“I wouldn’t doubt it. Thank you for bringing me lunch, Hajime. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He beamed at him again, and Hajime was filled with a sort of melancholy he had not felt before. 

It wasn’t fair. He wanted to stay, to make sure he was clear with Nagito. That he knew they were doing more than just hanging out, but the stupid plant inside of him had ruined that. 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Frustrated and dejected, he headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I kinda struggled with this chapter. I decided to make kaz find out now instead of several chapters later like I had originally planned, and that might come back to bite me. Also, just to be clear, Hajime's goal keeps changing. It might get confusing when its switching from 'tell him' to 'woo him' to 'doesn't matter' to 'make him feel loved' every chapter, but that's because this is a confusing time for him and he doesn't know what he wants. So, try to keep that in mind. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii everyone! i got a little distracted writing this one so it took a couple more days. i hope you enjoy the punk/pastel dynamic i have set up for the next couple of chapters!! thanks for reading! <3

After the close call at the animal shelter, Hajime hoped that time would help the soreness in his chest go away, but as the night progressed he accepted that was not the case. Sure, the pain was not as sharp and concentrated as it had been during the recurring flower attacks, but it did not stop like it normally did. A dull, stretching pain stuck with him for the remainder of his Saturday, until he finally went to bed. Even then, the ache did not subside. Instead, it got worse. As he drifted in and out of sleep, he felt the flower’s roots grasp his organs tighter, their deadly hold seemed to be taunting him.  _ I’m here,  _ it teased.  _ You can’t ignore me. _

When he woke up the next day, the pain still had not left. Though, in a way, he was used to it. Well, as used to it as he could be. After all, he didn’t have any choice but to push through it. He wasn’t going to the hospital, and he couldn’t just lay down and cry. No, the only way to stop it was to keep going. 

He rolled over to the other side of the bed and grabbed his phone off of the bedside table. He lazily opened up his social media and scrolled through his feed, absentmindedly liking posts by his friends. He scrolled past pictures of Nekomaru and Akane at the gym, gorgeous photos of Hiyoko’s dance performances taken by Mahiru, a selfie of Sonia and Gundham in their new apartment, and gorgeous plating arrangements posted by Teruteru. Normally, seeing his friends so happy would cheer him up, but at the moment he felt numb. 

He stayed like that for longer than he’d like to have admitted, until an incoming text disrupted him. Suddenly smiling, he clicked on the notification.

Komaeda  **🍀** : good morning! how was your night?? :)

Hajime 🍊: Could have been better, how about you? 

Komaeda  **🍀** : it was uneventful. does this mean you’d rather stay in today? 

Hajime 🍊: Absolutely not! I’m looking forward to seeing you.

Komaeda  **🍀** : i don’t see why,,,

Komaeda  **🍀** : what time were you thinking?

Hajime 🍊: 🙄🙄 I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.

Komaeda  **🍀** : :P

Hajime 🍊: You’re my only concern today, so whenever you want. I will need like an hour to get ready.

Komaeda  **🍀** : haha, sure you don’t want to focus on something else?

Hajime 🍊: Positive! :D

Komaeda  **🍀** : a bold move. 

Komaeda  **🍀** : how does 4:00 sound? makoto wants to go grocery shopping first.

Hajime 🍊: Sounds perfect. I’ll pick you up then.

Komaeda  **🍀** : can’t wait!

  
  


A four o’clock meeting time gave him a little more than five hours to get ready.

He spent the first three doing nothing on his phone, wandering around the apartment, and thinking about their unofficial date. Oh, and Hanahaki. He thought a lot about that. 

He tried not to think about what could go wrong if the flower started acting up more than it already was, or if the pain got worse. No, instead he thought about how much fun he was going to have, and even let himself dream briefly about the flower going away at the end of the night. Oh, how wonderful that would be. The image of himself confessing to Nagito, who smiled and accepted him immediately and pulled him into a kiss flashed through his mind before he quickly dismissed the thought. It was better to not get his hopes up. After all, he wasn’t even sure what direction the night would go in; he wasn’t sure of anything.

But again, his only option was to keep going.

He spent the fourth hour showering and scouring his closet. People dressed up for dates, right? But should he dress up if his date didn’t know it was a date? He should, right? It would help to be clear about his intentions. Yes, dressing up was the right call. 

He rummaged through his clothes and found the perfect outfit. Not too fancy, not too casual. He put on a white dress shirt and some nice black jeans, and topped it off with a yellow sweater vest he had gotten for Christmas. He then headed to the bathroom to begin the attack on his hair.

Hajime’s hair had always been unmanageable. He kept it short so that the way it stuck out a million different directions was less noticeable, but it was certainly still there. He puffed out his cheeks, and looked at his hair in the mirror. Today, the beast would be tamed.

He attacked his head with ferocity, putting in about fifteen different products and grunting at the pull of snarls. He combed and brushed and combed and brushed until his hair finally faced one direction. Content with his appearance, he left his room and headed out of his room. With an hour to spare, he decided to spend it watching TV.

He had just settled on an anime he recognized when Kazuichi walked in the front door. Hajime briefly wondered why he was home when he should have been at work, but he did not get a chance to voice his question as he noticed the shocked and horrified expression on his friend’s face.

“Hajime,” he gaped at him. “What the hell is going on?”

Hajime furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean why the fuck do you look like a preschooler dressed up for church?”

Hajime grunted. “What? No, I look nice!”

Kaz cackled. “No seriously, why are you dressed like that?”

Angry and embarrassed, he crossed his arms and turned stubbornly away from his roommate. “I have an unofficial date with Komaeda in an hour,” he lowered his head and winced. “Do I really look that bad?”

The mechanic slowed his laughter and grabbed Hajime’s elbow, pulling him from the couch and dragging him to his room. “You genuinely look like your mom dressed you, we need to fix this asap. Komaeda isn’t going to want anything to do with you if you look like a nerd.”   
  
“Hey! Don’t be rude.”

Kaz ignored him, smirking at his appearance again. “Go wash the ten pounds of product in your hair out, I’ll be in after I find you a suitable outfit.”

Hajime grumbled, not liking the insults but knowing that if Kazuichi, who only ever wore jumpsuits and jeans, thought his outfit was ridiculous, it had to be. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself or scare off Nagito, he wanted to impress him. He wasn’t sure Souda could be considered any kind of fashionista, but he needed all the help he could get and he didn’t have any other options.

He started to spray his hair with water and rub it in a towel, wishing he had time to get in the shower again. He heard Kaz rummaging through his closet and dresser next store, and hoped he was able to find something suitable. From the reflection in the mirror, he saw him duck into his own room before returning to Hajime’s, then finally he waltzed into the bathroom.

Hajime’s hair was wet, and he had gotten a considerable amount of product out. He had no idea how Kazuichi was going to fix it. 

The mechanic put his fists on his hip and squinted at him, determination evident on his face. He ordered Hajime to sit on the toilet, and started grabbing supplies from his designated drawer.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” the brunette puzzled.

“HA!” Kaz retorted. “Do you have any idea how many hair disasters I’ve been through? It took many years for me to finally be happy with my own.” He looked Hajime dead in the eyes. “If there's one thing I know besides machinery, it’s hair.”

Shrugging, and gesturing to the mess on his head, he sighed. “Have at it.”

The mechanic let out an evil sounding chuckle, and marched his way.

Almost immediately, he started messing with Hajime’s hair. He brushed it in every direction imaginable, putting in no effort to be gentle and telling him to stop whining when he protested. After all, the pain in his chest was still present, and jerking him around didn’t help. Hajime shut up, and instead tried to focus on what was being done to his hair.

“Hey, what are you even doing here? I thought you had to work.” 

“Yeah, but I forgot my toolbox. I was using my coworker’s until lunch, and I came back to get it. Good thing I did too. Nagito would have cried at the sight of you.”   
  
Hajime hit him.

“Hey! I’m helping you out here.”

He grumbled again, and waited for Kazuichi to finish. After a few more minutes, Kaz stepped back and inspected his creation. A wide grin crossed his face and he gave a big thumbs up. “Perfect!” he sang. Hajime stood up and looked in the mirror.

Kazuichi Souda was a magician. 

Somehow, he had managed to coax Hajime’s hair into obedience. It was combed nicely, but still sticking out naturally like it always did. It looked exactly how he had wanted it to look, and he didn’t even realize it. 

Before he could say anything, Kaz jumped behind him, looking at him through the mirror. The grin had not left his face. “What did I tell ya! Am I good, or am I good.”   
  
Hajime smiled back. “You’re fantastic! Thank you.” Hajime’s tone turned shy. “I guess I did look kind of silly before, huh?”

“You looked like you had glued your hair to the side of your face.”   
  
Hajime went to punch him again, but he quickly jumped out of the way and left the bathroom. “Wait until you see your new outfit. When’s your date?” He gestured for Hajime to follow him, and he did.

Hajime looked at his phone to check the time. “Twenty minutes,” he gulped. 

“Better change quick!” he pointed to the pile of clothes that had been put on his bed. “And please, dear god, burn that sweater.”   
  
“What?! My parents just got me this!”

“BURN IT!” Souda screeched.

Hajime winced at the sudden volume. “Okay fine,” he gave in. “Jesus!” Hajime quickly put on the clothes, and then moved in front of the mirror. 

Kazuichi had chosen a different pair of black jeans, one that seemed to lay in between regular fit and skinny jeans, as well as a black turtleneck and a belt. Kaz had evidently also lended some of his own clothes, as the slightly large red short sleeved button up on top was not his. He opted to button up the bottom half of the red shirt and tuck it loosely behind his belt, as well as the turtleneck.To top it off, he had also been given various chains and necklaces to choose from. He looked quizzically at the neon boy, unsure what their purpose was. 

“What do I do with these?” Hajime asked.   
  


“Are you serious?”

“Please help me?” 

“Hinata, have you ever accessorized beyond a tie?”

“No?”

“You’re hopeless,” Kazuichi groaned, humor evident in the sound. “Pick like three of the necklaces and one of the chains, dumbass.”

Hajime did what he was told, layering the necklaces but still unsure of the chain. Chains were not something he had ever considered wearing before. He remembered that Nagito often wore chains, would wearing one himself be weird? Would he think he was stealing his style? Would he be impressed? What if they matched?   
  
Evidently seeing Hajime’s inner turmoil, Kaz whacked him lightly upside the head. “Bro! Stop over thinking and put on the stupid chain!”

Hajime frowned and picked one at random, hooking it on to his belt loops like he had seen Nagito do. He then slipped on a pair of vans, ignoring the discomfort that came with bending over, and made his way to the full length mirror on the other side of the room.

His jaw dropped. He had never in his life looked so… appealing? Was that the right word? His confidence instantly soared, and he grinned at his reflection. “Holy shit,” he mumbled.

Kazuichi whistled and clapped from his perch on Hajime’s desk. “Ladies and gents,” he hollered. “We have a winner!”

Hajime smiled, and continued to inspect his appearance. “Where did you learn how to do this? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but jeans or a jumpsuit.”

“Hey!” he protested. “Just because I have better things to worry about than fashion, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to dress. Gotta woo the gals somehow!”

“How’s that working out for you?” Hajime teased.

“I’ll kill you.”

“Seriously though, I look amazing! Thank you. So much.” he said gratefully.

“Yeah yeah,” Kaz teased back, pretending to be cocky. “I truly am a gift.” He jumped off of the desk and sauntered toward Hajime. “Now! You have fifteen minutes to get to your date. You gotta go.”

He started literally pushing Hajime, who was squirming, out of the room and toward the front door. Kaz took Hajime’s keys off the key hook and put them in his hand as he opened the door with the other. 

“Breath check!” he demanded.

“What? No, we're not gonna--!” 

“I said BREATH CHECK!” His voice rose several octaves and volume levels.

Confused and embarrassed, Hajime blew a breath in Kazuichi’s face, who made a face as though he was judging him in a national contest. He grinned, giving another thumbs up. “Minty fresh! Perfect.”

He turned Hajime around by his shoulders, and pushed him out the door. “Now go get your man, you sexy mother fucker!”

Hajime yelped as he felt Kaz slap his rear. “No homo!” Kaz called as he slammed the door behind him.

“Thanks a lot, asshole!” he yelled passed the closed door, hearing Kaz cackle from behind it. 

As he walked to the car, he couldn’t help but smile. That short hour with Kazuichi had boosted his spirits, confidence, and hope and he was beyond thankful. He sent Nagito a quick omw text, and pulled out of the complex.

When he arrived, he was unsure as to whether he should just text him and tell him he was there, or go up and get him. He hadn’t been on a date since he matched with a pretty blonde pianist on a dating app a year ago. He hadn’t been on a date that made him  _ nervous _ since he had asked Chiaki to homecoming in high school, and his mother had dropped them off that night.

He decided to go up to the apartment and fetch him in person. That was the more personal choice, and could be seen as friendly or romantic as opposed to the purely platonic text. He frowned at himself. He was overthinking. Nagito didn’t even know he was trying to ask him out, just go get him, stupid.

He made his way to the familiar apartment, absentmindedly rubbing his chest as if it would help his discomfort. He took a breath, and knocked on the door.

He had been expecting Nagito to open the door, but he was instead greeted by a cheerful little munchkin.

“Hinata!” Makoto cheered, seemingly genuinely happy to see him. “It’s so good to see you!”

Hajime’s heart warmed at the sight of the tiny grinning boy. He and Makoto had never been super close, but Hajime still considered him a friend. Anyone who met the guy couldn’t help but love him, and he was no different. He always loved interacting with the little ray of sunshine.

“It’s good to see you too, Naegi. How are you?”   
  
“I’m great! You here for Nagito?”

Hajime nodded.   
  
“I already knew that, don’t know why I asked.” He scratched his cheek shyly. “He told me you two were going out.”

Hajime’s heart sped up. Going out?

He didn’t get to reflect on the wording further, as Makoto turned his head and shouted into the apartment. “Hey, Ko! Hajime is here!”

He heard a quiet call back, unable to make out the words. Makoto moved to the side, gesturing for him to come inside. “He’s still getting ready, we got home a little late. C’mon in while you wait!”

Hajime did what he was told and sat on a stool in the kitchen. He smiled fondly remembering what had happened the last time he was in this room.

Naegi noticed his reaction, and raised an eyebrow. “What’s got you smiling like that?”

“Oh,” Hajime tried to hide his blush. “Did he not tell you what happened the other day?”

“No, what happened?” 

Hajime retold the tale, his eyes sparkling and smiling so hard he thought his cheeks should hurt. He ignored the feeling of dread as he realized it had been his last normal experience with Nagito, and continued his story as he laughed about Nagito’s Lion King Joke. By the end of it Naegi was laughing along with him. 

“Haha, laugh it up boys,” they heard a soft voice from behind them. 

Hajime turned to look at him, and once again, his heart stopped. He barely managed to stop himself from gasping out loud as he took in the sight of Nagito.

Komaeda had put on a pair of white pants, and he was wearing an oversized baby blue sweater. He had put his hair into low pigtails, and loose hairs and flyaways framed his face gorgeously. A white flower pattern choker sat on his neck, and matching earrings hung from his ears. He smiled at Hajime, who still was not breathing properly, and he noticed that his lips were glosser than normal. As he looked into Nagito’s mossy eyes, the pain in his chest both disappeared and intensified. 

Hajime forced himself to breathe and tried to squeak out a word, but he was saved by Makoto. “He just told me about your stove top adventure the other night.”

“Yes, it was tragic,” Nagito sighed, and sat next to Hajime. His breath hitched. No king, queen, or god could be more beautiful than Nagito already was. He was so gorgeous, he truly could not be real. No one alive could look so angelic without any effort, he was sure of it. He found himself reaching to touch Nagito’s face, and thought he would simply die on the spot.

What was he doing? Why was his hand moving? Stop moving.  _ Why was he moving? _ When he got to his face, what was he going to do?  _ Stop! MOVING! _

Nope, it was too late. Nagito had already seen him move, and flinching back would only make things worse. Play it off, play it cool. 

As nonchalantly as possible, he tucked a stray hair behind his ear for him. He forced himself not to think about how soft his skin was, acting as if this was a normal thing they did. As if Hajime didn’t want to cup his face and kiss him for eternity, or like he wasn’t completely lost in the moss green eyes staring back at him. Yeah, this was totally normal.

Hajime thanked every possible entity out there that Nagito didn’t seem to notice or care as he continued on with the conversation. “Truly a waste of chicken, I’m just thankful your flowers survived, Koto.”

Oh god  _ Makoto was there. _

Hajime rapidly shifted his focus to the smaller brunette, and he knew instantly he had been caught. Makoto was looking at him with shock on his face, trying to keep his jaw from dropping. The two locked eyes, and an understanding passed between them. He gave Hajime a microscopic nod, and put on a mask of impassivity. “They’re just flowers,” he said casually. “I’m more relieved you two were okay, or that the place didn’t burn down.”

Hajime let out a sigh of relief, his heart racing. All of this anxiety could not be good for him, he doubted that his heart was at full efficiency if it was wrapped in roots. Desperate to hide his shame and to get out of Makoto’s quizzical glare, he turned to Nagito. “Shall we head out?”

Nagito smiled softly. “We shall!” he said excitedly. “I’ve been looking forward to getting out of the house.” He stood up and grabbed his house key and wallet off of the counter. Hajime followed his lead.

“Yeah, get this one out of my sight!” Naegi joked.

“I know, I know, I’m a nuisance.” Nagito half joked back. “I’ll see you tonight.”   
  
Avoiding eye contact, Hajime scooted past Makoto and opened the door. He tried to get out before he could say anything, but his attempt was futile.

“Hajime!” he called. “We should talk more. Text me some time.”

Still avoiding his eyes, he nodded. “For sure, will do,” he lied. 

He could have sworn he heard Naegi chuckle as he and Nagito shut the door to the apartment behind them. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe bonus points to anyone who can name all of the bonus characters in this chapter. also, fair warning this is pretty much the last happy chapter before we get into the angst. :)

When the two got outside to Hajime’s car, they effortlessly fell into their usual routine. Nagito got into the perfectly adjusted passenger’s seat and plugged his phone into the aux cord, while Hajime rolled the front two windows down a couple of inches.

After getting his car after graduation, the two of them had spent countless hours driving together on errands, road trips, and midnight adventures. Throughout these hours, he learned that Nagito was not a fan of the air conditioner. To him, it was too cold and made him sick for some reason, but having the windows all the way down was too loud. Together, they had found this perfect compromise of the slightly open windows. Nagito scrolled to their playlist, not having to adjust the volume at all because it was always set to how he liked it. He began humming along to the quiet tune as he buckled his seatbelt.

Hajime loved this familiarity, he loved these moments with Nagito as the two of them just enjoyed each other’s company. He grinned to himself, listening to the other’s soft voice sing along to the music. He thought about reaching over and grabbing his hand, but didn’t.

They drove down the roads to the city block he had discussed with Chiaki, parking on the side of the street when they got there. Nagito got out first, and Hajime took some time to compose himself, as it was getting harder to ignore the pain in his chest. He eventually stepped out, and Nagito put his folded arms on the top of the car and looked at Hajime on the other side. His smile was sweet, content even. Butterflies filled his stomach at the sight.

“So, where should we start?” Nagito cocked his head and looked up. “I never got the full details on what the plan is tonight now that I think about it.”

“I thought we could start by looking at some of the shops around here, then get some food and head to the park?”

Nagito rubbed his hands together excitedly, and looked at him with wide eyes. “Sounds perfect.” 

They started walking, and their steps fell in perfect sync unintentionally. “What kind of shops are around here anyways?” The thinner boy asked, twirling a stray hair on his index finger as he focused on his steps. 

Hajime smiled at this, thinking it was quite cute that the other always avoided stepping on cracks. “Well, there’s a bookstore, a candy shop, a boutique of some sort, a music shop…” He trailed off. There was one more, but he didn’t particularly enjoy the idea of visiting a florist at the moment. Maybe he could leave that out? But then again, he knew Komaeda had always had an inkling for gardening. Ignoring his fear and wanting to focus on the other boy, he swallowed his anxiety. “There's also a flower shop.”

Nagito tried to hide his excitement, loving the idea of each of those stores. It wasn’t his place to get excited, he was lucky enough to be invited. He would not take advantage of his friend’s kindness and insist they visit all of them, despite how badly he wanted to. “Such exotic places, a bug like me could never dream of such an adventure. Where would you like to start, Hajime?” He winced at his word choice. Was he really selfish enough to assume they would be going to more than one? Good god, he was stupid. 

Hajime stopped walking and grabbed Nagito’s arm, making him halt as well. “Nagito,” He fixed his eyes on his, ignoring the butterfly swarm in his stomach that came with the other’s innocent expression. 

“Tonight,  _ you _ are what is important. I want to go where  _ you _ want to go, do what  _ you _ want to do, eat what  _ you  _ want to eat. Don’t worry about me for now, okay?” His tone was commanding, telling and not asking. “Enjoy yourself.”

Nagito’s mouth parted slightly and a blush crossed his pale cheeks. Hajime had always tried to be selfless with Nagito, but Nagito’s nature made this a difficult task. He usually asked for his opinion on things, especially when it was just them, but Nagito had assumed it had been out of politeness or habit. He didn’t usually comply or answer honestly, and Hajime knew that. So, why was he being so insistent? He wanted to fight it, but somehow he knew the brunette would not budge. Besides, as awful as he was, he would just be worse if he denied Hajime’s wishes. He was meant to serve others, and if this is what Hajime wanted, he would begrudgingly oblige.

“I guess, I can try,” he looked back at Hajime, nervousness on his face. “Are you sure you want to entrust such a responsibility to vermin like me?”    
  
Hajime let go of his arm, and folded his own. “You are  _ not  _ vermin.”

Nagito blinked. He had never heard his best friend respond to him like that. His tone told the taller boy he was serious, that he believed his own words 100%, and he seemed almost offended at the statement. He had refuted his self depreciation before, but this seemed different. This time, for a moment, Nagito didn’t want to fight back.

Hajime turned, and began walking again, moving his head to say that Nagito should do the same. They continued down their path, feet falling in perfect sync once more. 

“So then, where would  _ you _ like to start?” he asked. 

White eyebrows furrowed in thought. There was silence as Hajime let him gather his thoughts. This was new to him, after all. Finally, he whispered his reply. “The candy shop?” His tone was questioning and uncertain.

Hajime reached down and squeezed his hand quickly in reassurance. He once again ignored the longing to keep holding on. “There you go! Sounds perfect.” He grinned at him, and saw the other visibly relax. 

Nagito smiled weakly, looking genuinely sick to his stomach. “That wasn’t so hard,” he looked up in thought. “Though I fear I have made a grave mistake.”

Hajime chuckled. “Relax! Everything’s going to be just fine. The shop is just up here.”

The two of them entered the building with the delicate ting of the door chime. Hajime took a deep inhale, enjoying the sweet smells that met them. The stoic man at the counter offered them a greeting and asked if they were looking for anything in particular. The two shook their heads, and the man went back to silence as they began to browse.

The two of them weaved their way through the scattered shelves and tables, examining all kinds of sweets as they pointed out the ones that looked the most delicious to each other. They joked about the weird looking ones snacks, like bacon flavored chocolate and gummies that were supposed to taste like soy sauce. Nagito made a point to bring Hajime’s attention to all the different brands of sakuramochi, and Hajime pretended to gag. This made Nagito giggle, and he turned his attention to the man behind the counter. “Where do all of these sweets come from anyways?”

“My girlfriend makes them,” he replied shortly.    
  
“Well, that is truly impressive. I could never hope to have such a gift as she.”

The man just stared at him.

Hajime walked up behind him, hoping to save Nagito from an awkward silence, or an even more awkward ramble about hope. He had a tendency to do that when he was nervous. 

“Do you have any recommendations?” Hajime interrupted. 

The man shrugged, his long coat covering from his neck to his knees. “Everything she makes is delicious, but my favorite is definitely her caramel.” He gestured to a basket of caramels covered in wax paper. 

“Sounds perfect.” Hajime said. He bought them each a piece, and then asked Nagito if he wanted anything else. He shook his head, thanking both Hajime and the man at the counter repeatedly before the pair headed out again. 

They continued walking as they unwrapped their caramel, and Hajime threw it up in the air before catching it in his mouth. Nagito laughed, and shoved him lightly before he popped his own piece into his mouth. “Show off,” he teased, eyes sparkling with amusement and adoration. 

That was definitely Hajime’s intent behind the trick. After all, wasn’t showing your skills the perfect thing to do on a date? He smirked, liking the fact that it had impressed Nagito.

“Where to next, captain?” Hajime said.

Nagito winced, but then smiled at the nickname. Maybe he could get used to things like this, eventually. After lots of practice. “Another decision already? I just made one.”

Recognizing the sincerity in the question, Hajime decided it was better not to push. 

“How about we just go in the order they show up on the street?”

Nagito nodded vigorously, really not wanting any disasters that may await them to be a direct result of his actions. And so they continued strolling, happily munching on the caramel that was in fact delicious, until they found themselves in front of the music shop. 

As they stepped inside, a familiar voice called out to them.

  
“HELLO!! Welcome in-- Hajime, Nagito! Is that you?”

The voice belonged to none other than Ibuki Mioda, who immediately stopped stocking the shelves with CD’s. “Hiro! Cover for me. Ibuki needs to say hello to friends!!” She yelled to the man with very large hair behind the counter, who nodded and took over for her. She turned to their direction, and launched herself straight at Nagito.

Nagito didn’t have many friends besides Hajime, but he supposed Ibuki could fit in that category. She had taken a liking to him before a lot of the rest of the class, she found him and his antics hilarious. She had also found him adorable, in the same way one would find a toddler. It had taken Nagito months to stop her from referring to him as a baby. She had always been kind to him, and he was always supportive of her. 

He braced himself, used to her jarring hugs, as she leapt into his arms. She squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck, and he hugged her back. After a couple of seconds, she let go and attacked Hajime with the same ferocity, who was not as prepared and stumbled back a few steps, nearly knocking over a shelf of snacks behind him. 

This made both Nagito and Ibuki laugh, the girl’s snickers filled with mischief. “Hajime! You should be used to Ibuki’s affection by now.” 

Hajime smiled weakly, not knowing what to say. Lucky for him, Nagito seemed to have no problems making conversation. “Obviously this is a sign that we don’t see each other enough. What has it been, a year?”

“I don’t know, but it's been way too long!” she replied.

“What happened to going on tour?” Hajime asked.

“I did go on tour! I spent a year touring, and when I got home, I thought to myself, ‘Ibuki loves music, but Ibuki needs a break.’ Then I thought, ‘what can Ibuki do that’s still music, but that will let Ibuki rest?’ aaaaand ta-da! Quaint little music store.” She smiled fondly at the boys, and sandwiched her way in between them. She grabbed one of each of their hands and pulled them with her as she started walking. “C’mon, I’ll give you a tour!”

Hajime chuckled, and smiled when he looked over at Nagito. He had a giant grin on his face, and had obviously missed the energetic musician. He looked like he was having a blast.

Ibuki showed them around the first floor and told them about the different genres, and her favorites from each. Most of them were wildly obscure, and Hajime was certain he had never heard of a single band she listed as ‘a classic’. As she led them to the stairs in the back of the building, she switched her attention to the boys whose hands she was still grasping. 

“It really has been too long. Lemme get a good look at cha!” She stepped in front of them, blocking the stairway and they stood a little awkwardly under her gaze.

“Nagito, your hair has gotten so long. I love the pigtails, why hasn’t Ibuki seen this before? You look so cute! I could eat you up.”

“I only recently started trying them out. Surely your compliments are overstatements, but they are appreciated nonetheless.”   
  
“BZZZT! WRONG! Nagito is adorable.”

Nagito blushed, and pulled his hands back into his massive sleeves. Ibuki turned her gaze to Hajime, who was bracing himself.

“Hajime, when did you learn how to dress yourself? Not that I’m complaining. You look HOT!”

His jaw dropped, and he flustered with his words. Not because of Ibuki, she had always been blunt and he knew she was just giving him a compliment, no. He blushed because Nagito had nodded in agreement next to him. 

“Uh, hot? What? I-I’ve always dressed myself. I just thought I’d experiment a little?” He fumbled over his words and Ibuki giggled.

“Well it's working for ya!” She called, turning around and grabbing their hands again as she led them up the stairs. “Now, up here we have the rest of the generes, and my favorite part of the store! Equipment!”

They stepped out to the second floor, where countless pieces of music equipment littered the walls. There were amps, speakers, record players, boomboxes, microphones, and even a couple of guitars. Hajime wondered why there weren’t more.

“How come there’s only two guitars?” He asked.

“There’s a couple more in the back, but for the most part this is a music store, not an instrument store!” she answered cheerfully. “Check out this sick amp!”

She pulled one of the guitars from the wall and brought it over to a giant blue amp across the room. “Ibuki’s been working on a new song!” She plugged it in, and aggressively ran her hand across the instrument’s strings. 

This action sent a wail of immense proportions throughout the entire shop. Instinctively, Nagito stepped closer to Hajime, his chest up against the back of Hajime’s shoulder, and started pinching at the sleeve of his turtleneck. Ibuki didn’t seem to notice Nagito’s discomfort, as she began loudly playing her new song and screaming the lyrics.

Hajime turned his head and whispered to Nagito. “Do you want to leave?” Nagito did not like loud noises, and this performance was more than just a loud noise.

Komaeda winced and shook his head, wanting to hear his friend’s work despite his discomfort. He continued pulling on Hajime’s sleeves, but kept his eyes glued to the girl jamming out in front of them.

In that moment, Hajime decided it was now or never. He took a millisecond to steel himself, before quickly entwining their fingers. He waited for Nagito to jump back, or to look at him like he was crazy. Nothing could have shocked Hajime more than the soft squeeze Nagito gave him instead.

The world stopped spinning, and everything went silent as he looked at Nagito in that moment. His soft eyes, that had been furrowed in panic moments earlier, had calmed down, and he held Hajime’s hand tightly. He shifted his gaze, looking at their entwined fingers, and realized with a start that his chest didn’t hurt. For the first time in over twenty four hours, the pain subsided. 

Hajime wanted to hold on forever, but this happiness and comfort didn’t last long. The second Ibuki had finished her song, Nagito had dropped his hand and began to applaud her. The pain instantly resurfaced, and logically he knew it was no worse than before, but it seemed to be more agonizing.

Nagito clapped, eyes wide. “Ibuki, your talent truly is unmatched!” he cried, seemingly unphased now. “It was a little jarring, but it was filled with so much hope, I could sense your positive energy.”   
  
Ibuki grinned wildly and held up a peace sign. “Thanks! I call that one ‘Every Single One of my Memories is Painful and Traumatic’!”

Nagito clapped again. “Fantastic!”

Despite his disappointment, Hajime smiled and rolled his eyes at the two of them. “You two are something else.” He chuckled. 

The three of them heard a cough behind them, and the big haired man from down stairs peeked out of the stairwell. “Heyy, Ibuki?” He said shyly. “I know you’re visiting with your bros or whatever, but five kids just came in downstairs and they’re all looking for albums about anarchy. Would you mind helping me out?”

Ibuki winked and gave a thumbs up. “Sure thing! Ibuki loves anarchy!”

She turned back to her friends. “Well, duty calls. But we should toooootally hang out soon! I miss you guys!”

“Definitely,” Nagito said, giving her another, gentler hug. Hajime did the same. “It was great to see you,” he said.

She gave a little twirl and ran down the stairs, yelling “IBUKI LOVES YOU!” as she went.

So then the pair took their leave, laughing at Hiro as they left, who had a blue haired and red headed little boy on each of his legs, and a little girl with long pink pigtails pulling his hair from his shoulders. 

They tried the book shop next, but left fairly fast. The dark haired stuttering girl at the counter did not seem like a people person, and didn’t like customers that were ‘just looking’. 

They then went into the boutique, and Hajime caught Nagito looking longingly at a necklace on the shelves. It was a long one, with a little opalite cloud at the end. When he walked away, Hajime slipped it off of the rack and sneakily bought it at the front counter. When Nagito looked ready to go, he slipped the necklace into his pocket, and the two of them headed off to their next destination. He would give it to him later, under the fairy lights.

The next and final stop was the flower shop. Hajime gulped, and wished desperately he could once again hold Nagito’s hand, for courage this time. The pale boy’s eyes dazzled at the sight of the shop overflowing with flowers and succulents, and Hajime’s heart felt a twang at the sight. There was no way he could deny Nagito this, he had obviously been excited for this stop in particular. So, he repressed the sick feeling in his stomach, and opened the door for the other boy.

Nagito quickly walked in, and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and basked in the scent of the flowers surrounding them. To Nagito, it smelled like heaven. To Hajime, it smelled like death.

Nagito darted around the store, going to wall to wall as he followed whatever caught his eye. Hajime watched lovingly as he looked at orchids and daisies, roses and tulips, he even took a moment to ponder if he would be able to keep a cactus alive. Nagito’s eyes sparkled, and he fidgeted with his hands excitedly. He had just turned to tell Hajime some unknown thing when something else grabbed his attention. He gasped in awe, and quickly shuffled over to whatever had surprised him.

Hajime turned around to see what it was. His stomach dropped.

Nagito was giggling, looking above him as he stared wondrously at a giant seven foot sunflower in a big pot. 

Hajime wasn’t taking in what Nagito was saying about its beauty, about how strong it was, about how it might as well be hope itself, for he was too distracted. He walked forward, putting out a shaky hand to feel the all too familiar petals. Memories flooded his thoughts. 

_ If left untreated, the afflicted will eventually die from the disease as the flower grows. Most victims who die are killed by suffocation, unable to breathe as the flower clogs their airways.  _

Oh God.

_ However, the case may be different for those who are growing the more dangerous flowers. _

He wanted to scream. The petals in between his fingers were no strangers.

_ Sunflower growing victims may be killed as the powerful roots puncture the heart or lungs. _

He gulped, positive he was white as a sheet.

A sunflower. He was growing a sunflower.

He wanted to destroy the flower, rip off every petal, shatter the pot and pull every last root off of the giant stalk. He wanted to reek havoc on every god forsaken plant in this stupid shop. His face turned angry as he felt the petals in his fingers, when suddenly a gruff voice pulled him from his stupor.

“Please,” the voice said. “Be careful with it. Many years of care have been given to that flower, by myself and my father.”

Hajime turned quickly, ready to fight whoever was speaking. Who would care for such a wretched thing? However, all bravery left him as he saw who the voice belonged to.

A monstrous, six foot lady was standing behind them. She had muscles for days, rivaling even Nekomaru. Her body was covered in scars, and her long white hair did not have the same softness that Nagito’s did. Hajime briefly wondered why she was wearing a sailor’s outfit, but he was too distracted by her intimidation. 

Hajime gulped, not even remembering his previous desire to wreck the flower as he cowered in front of the woman. 

Once again, he was saved by Nagito.

“You grew such an amazing thing yourself? From scratch?” He asked, amazed.

The woman folded her arms and gave a short nod. “Indeed.”

“This is simply  _ astounding! _ Just looking at it makes me feel like everything will be okay.”   
  
Hajime wanted to laugh. He felt like he was going to throw up, and the pain in his chest was getting more agonizing. He wanted to leave. 

“I’m glad you enjoy it, however this particular plant is not for sale.”   
  
Nagito shook his head and put his hands up. “I would never dream of taking it away from you! It’s just that sunflowers have always been my favorite and--”   
  
“Hey Komaeda?” Hajime interrupted. He couldn’t take it anymore. The walls were closing in on him. “I’m getting pretty hungry, how about I go get us some food while you look around in here?”

Nagito nodded with a smile. “Brilliant as always! I was just thinking I was getting hungry. I’ll stay here with…” He looked quizzically at the woman.

“Sakura,” she said.

“I’ll stay here with Sakura and I will meet you at the park in around 20 minutes?”   
  
Hajime nodded, already rushing to the door. He needed air. Out. Now.

As soon as he was out of view of the florist’s windows, he slid to the pavement. 

Of course it was a sunflower. Did he really think it was anything else? From what Hajime could tell, he was progressing at a much faster rate than normal, and that could easily be explained by the type of flower he was growing. It also explained why the roots seemed to be bothering him more than the actual plant. Why did it have to be a sunflower?

He stood up and kicked the brick wall he had been leaning on, and held back tears. He could not break down in public, and he could especially not break down if he was returning to Nagito. He wiped his eyes, and started marching down the street.

Ignoring everything swarming in his head, he made his way to a food truck selling Korean barbecue nearby. He ordered dinner for the both of them, and made his way back to the park. He tried to cheer himself up. If all went well, the sunflower wouldn’t be a problem. He needed to focus on tonight, on Nagito.

It was getting darker now, as the sun had already started to set when they entered the florist. The fairy lights at the park had been turned on, and Hajime had to stop himself from tripping as he greeted the skinny boy under a tree.

Every time he looked at Komaeda, he got prettier. His eyes and hair sparkled in the lights, and he glowed in the setting sun. He smiled brightly and waved to Hajime, then rushed to take the aluminum bowls from his arms. 

“Thanks,” Hajime said, feeling a little better.

“No need to thank me!” Nagito retorted.

The two sat down on the bench and eagerly started eating. Nagito let out a satisfied “Mmmm!” and Hajime nodded in agreement. Nagito giggled when Hajime got a piece of rice stuck on the tip of his nose, and he sipped it off for him.

Suppressing the butterflies in his stomach, he started a conversation.

“So,” he began. “How’s work?”

Nagito’s face fell. His shoulders slumped, and he began pushing his food around instead of eating it. “This is truly delicious,” he dodged the question.

Hajime furrowed his brow, and tried to look Nagito in the eye, but the other simply looked away. “Nagito, what’s wrong?” he asked gently. 

The pale boy played with his food some more, before taking a bite. “Remember Nozo?” he asked after chewing and swallowing. Hajime nodded and urged him to continue. 

“She was supposed to be adopted a few hours after you left.”

Hajime didn’t say anything, waiting for him to keep going. 

Nagito took a deep sigh, and put the remainder of his food on the bench next to him. “The family never showed.” He looked down, and tried to hide the heartbreak on his face. “They won’t answer any calls either.”   
  
Hajime put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. This had happened before, but usually Nagito was more angry than sad. “I’m so sorry, you don’t know why?”   
  
Nagito shook his head. “No, they just left her without saying anything. I don’t want to burden you with any of this…” he trailed off.

“It’s okay, Komaeda. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Nagito took a deep breath and continued, not looking up from his lap. “It’s just that, Nozo kinda reminded me of myself. She’s been through a lot, and she’s not even a year old. No one loved her. She was alone when we found her. Alone and broken. Usually, it’s not difficult to find a kitten a home, but it took us a good long while to find a family that would care for her.”   
  
He tugged on one of his ponytails, his voice cracking in the slightest bit. “But we did! We found a wonderful home, and she was already so attached to them. She sits up everytime someone comes in, you know that? And she lays back down when it's not any of them.”

His words began to speed up and fill with more emotion. “When we found them, it gave me so much hope, Hajime. She had a home, she had love. I truly was so, so happy for her.”

He finally looked at Hajime, but his tone was tainted with anger. “But it was false hope. I--  _ she  _ will never be loved. She will never belong.”

He was wrong. Hajime wanted to tell him that. Nagito was already loved,  _ Hajime _ loved him. He did belong, he belonged with him. He never needed to feel this despair again, he just needed to let him love him, and Hajime would do it happily, for the rest of time.

Now. He needed to tell him now.

Hajime’s hands started to sweat, and he cleared his throat as he ignored the pain in his chest again. 

“Nagito, that--”

No. Not now. Please  _ dear God _ , not now. He needed one minute, just one minute to confess.

It was hopeless. He opened his mouth and started to cough. Turning away from Nagito, he coughed and coughed, attempting to calm his body, maybe he could coax the petal out secretly like he had at the shelter.

Nagito let an amused smirk cross his face, but he wasn’t really feeling it. “There shouldn’t be any fur here, Hinata.”

Hajime didn’t hear him. He was struggling to catch his breath between coughs, and this petal seemed relentless. His vision blacked in areas as he coughed so hard his legs hurt. He stuck up an index finger and quickly rushed behind the nearby bathrooms. He hunched over and hacked a lung, hitting his chest with his fist and almost gagging as he tried to get the little yellow demon out of his throat.

Finally, it fluttered to the floor, but Hajime still could not breathe. He kept coughing, and another fell from his mouth. Then another.

At last, he began to catch his breath. He tried to steady his heavy breathing, and stood up straight. His head reeled and his chest screamed in protest. Disregarding this, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and shakily walked back to the bench.

This was bad. Experiencing multiple petals was a surefire sign that he was in trouble. He needed to rip off the bandaid, tonight.

He sat next to Nagito, fully prepared to release every thought in his head like a dump truck, when Nagito stood up.

“I’m tired.” He said before Hajime could say anything. “I think I’ll walk home.” He turned to Hajime, and met his eyes. “Thank you for a wonderful night.”

Without giving a moment to spare, he strode off into the night. 

Hajime just sat there, dumbfounded and disappointed. Why? Were any of these obstacles really necessary?

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and groaned to himself as another cough made its way up his throat.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mentions of weight loss due to sickness, mentions of blood, vomiting, and graphic descriptions of nightmares. Please be warned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys?!?!?! The feedback on last chapter was so amazing and positive?? I can't express how overjoyed I am that people are enjoying my work!! I was so nervous to post this, but y'all made it worth it. Seriously, so many comments, and over a thousand hits?! I could die from happiness.
> 
> Anyways, I'm done gushing for now. This is where the story really gets started, so buckle up. Also, I didn't reeeally have to go into so much detail describing our favorite gals as they don't really have an impact on the rest of the story, but I was having fun with it so I did it anyway.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, and please make sure you read the warnings in the summary as this chapter has some potential triggers!

It had been a little over a week since Hajime’s unsuccessful date with his best friend, but to him that made no sense. He could not possibly have experienced so much change in only eight days. 

Several new symptoms started showing themselves on and off across the week. One of which began to affect the areas around his throat and sternum. It was a new kind of discomfort, one that seemed to remind him of when he experienced growing pains in his legs and arms as a child. He began to feel as though the spot was more rigid and stiff than normal, and like something was stuck at the base of his throat. He didn’t want to think about what this meant, about what was happening to him.

This discomfort had turned to torture after a few days, and he had no choice but to confront it. The sunflower inside of him was growing rapidly, he could feel it getting bigger. He could feel the plant’s sturdy stem inside him, and it made it hard to move anything on his upper body but his arms. 

Then came the bloom. Hajime assumed that what he had been experiencing before must have been the bud, because now he was consciously aware of the flowers full size. He felt the tickle of petals with every breath, every word. He felt it press up against his throat, and could only wonder how long he had. He had heard of people growing multiple buds, and he prayed it wouldn’t happen to him. If more grew, he would no longer be able to breathe or eat, let alone speak.

His coughing fits were more frequent now, at most he could go a couple of hours before he coughed up a handful of the yellow petals. That was the other thing; he was no longer coughing up one, or even three. Each time he coughed, the petals spluttered and fell in groups of at least six. He didn’t exactly know what this meant, but he didn’t want to know.

The pain in his chest had also gotten worse. If he had thought the plant had a grip on his organs before, then he was wrong. Every time the pain returned, he could feel every powerful root squeeze and entrap his heart. Sometimes it was particularly painful as the roots didn’t just grow in length, but width. They were not passive, either. No, he was forced to deal with the agony as they ever so slowly dug into his lungs and heart, with no intent to give him a break. Hajime wondered what would take him first, the suffocation, or impalement of his heart.

That wasn’t all though. It may not have been a direct symptom, but he was barely able to eat anymore. Swallowing any solids was excruciating, and caused him to panic. He had only been able to force himself to eat rice and water. As a result, he had lost weight. 

Sleep was also out of the question. Laying down made it harder to breathe, and he had almost choked on a coughing fit one night when he actually managed to rest. In response, his face now looked more sunken and pale and dark circles had made their home under his eyes.

That wasn’t even the worst part, though. The worst part had by far been the nightmares.

In his dreams, he was forced to watch Nagito reject him over and over again. “ _ You think I could ever love someone as plain as you _ ?” Dream Nagito laughed, his voice full of hatred and malice. “ _ We are barely even friends.”  _ Nagito had begun to reach down his throat, pulling the flower from inside him. Hajime screamed and cried, begging him to stop because it hurt too much. Both the plucking roots, and his words. Nagito just cackled at him, and stared into his eyes as he pulled and pulled the flower. “ _ You are nothing. You are ugly, pitiful, and boring. Unworthy _ .  _ This beauty you have grown within you is the only thing you will ever be good for.”  _ Hajime cried, and watched as Nagito finally got the flower out. It was the sunflower from Sakura’s shop. Hajime had sputtered and coughed up blood, his vision going blurry. Nagito did not look at him, instead focusing on the flower. “ _ Finally you give me something I can appreciate. Good riddance, Hajime Hinata.”  _ Dream Nagito cackled, and Hajime had woken up drenched in sweat.

The second nightmare was even worse still. In this one, Hajime had watched himself give into the disease. He watched as he took his last breath, and his family and friends all sobbed and grieved for him. He watched Kazuichi go silent, and it took him years to speak again. He watched his parents wail at the loss of their only sun. He watched Chiaki, Sonia, and Ibuki clutch each other and cry for hours, their screams of anguish heard throughout the city. He watched Nagito, who did not know he was the source, sit silently and stare at his body. Nagito had lost his only friend. He would not go through this pain again. He shut himself out, and isolated himself for years. Hajime watched as he lived his life alone and unloved. He never did let anyone in again. Hajime had woken up crying that time.

Both of these dreams had recurrently plagued him throughout the week. Any sleep he did manage to get was when he was upright and usually not for more than an hour or two.

And that is exactly how Chiaki found him, upright and snoozing away his lunch break in the front seat of his car. She watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed, and a frown crossed her face. Something was wrong with her best friend, she knew it, but he wouldn’t open up. It wasn’t just this ‘cold’ he was getting over either. When she looked into his eyes, deep sorrow and worry looked back at her.

As these thoughts raced in her head, she stifled a sob. What was wrong? Why wasn’t he opening up to her? Didn’t he know she would do anything to help him?

Disregarding her own gloom, she tapped lightly on the car window. Evidently not lightly enough, though, as Hajime shot awake so quickly that he knocked his head on the window. Chiaki couldn’t help herself, and she laughed at his pouting expression. Hajime opened the car door, rubbing his head and glaring at her. She laughed some more.

“Lunch break is over in ten minutes, y’know,” she said nonchalantly.

Hajime checked his phone. “Ah, so it is.”   
  
“C’mon, let’s head up together.” It wasn’t a question.

She linked her arm in Hajime’s, which was quite a touchy move for her. She never denied physical touch, but she never initiated it either. Arm in arm, the two of them started heading into the main building. When they got into the elevator, Chiaki dropped his arm and stepped back, pulling a handheld video game from her bag.

“Hey, can we hang out after work?” She said, not looking up from her game. She was determined to coax information out of him as soon as possible.

Hajime bit his lip, trying to think of an excuse to say no. “I--”   
  
“Please?”

Chiaki looked at him with such big puppy eyes, he thought his heart would break just looking at her. The fact that she had paused her game told him that she really wanted this. He sighed in defeat. “Yeah, sure thing Chi.”

She smiled, and resumed her game. “Great!” She chirped. “I’ve been needing to finish this achievement, but it requires two players.”   
  
“Why not ask Ibuki?” After reconnecting with him and Nagito last week, Ibuki had reached out to the rest of her old class. Ibuki had quickly found out about Sonia moving in with Gundham, and Chiaki’s new lack of a roommate. Ibuki had not so slyly hinted that she did not enjoy living alone, the two had decided to be roommates themselves. It made sense for her to just play with the musician instead.

“Because,” she shrugged. “You’re my player two.”   
  
Hajime thought he might cry, though that could be oversensitivity from his sleep deprivation.

He gulped, touched by her words. “Okay,” he whispered.

  
  
  
  
  


And so, after finishing their shift at the office, the two set off. He asked her if she would mind stopping by his place to change, to which she made a small sound of agreement.

When they arrived, Chiaki accompanied him up to his apartment, saying she wanted to say hi to Kazuichi. Once again Hajime could hear loud noises from inside, but these ones were more familiar. He pondered on how much longer he had before they received a noise complaint, before opening the door for Chiaki.    
  
To Hajime’s horror, Kazuichi had completely rearranged the place. He had moved all furniture in the kitchen and living room up against the wall, and laid out a giant tarp. On top of that tarp was a giant metal  _ thing _ that Hajime did not recognize. The whirring of drills and the sound of sparks, along with Kazuichi’s loud music and occasional profanity bounced off of the walls. A mess of pink hair popped up from behind the enormous hunk of machinery.

“Yo!” He said as if nothing unusual was going on.

“Souda?!” Hajime yelled. He did not have the energy for this. “What the hell?”

“What?” he whined defensively. He suddenly seemed to realize what Hinata was talking about, and his eyes widened. “OH! This?” he said, lighting up like a child on Christmas. “You will never believe this!” 

He stepped out from the mass, and finally noticed Chiaki. His eyes widened and a huge grin crossed his face. “Nanami,” he exclaimed. “Get over here!” He immediately swooped her up in a big hug, ignoring the fact that he was covered in grease and oil.

She giggled softly and protested being lifted off of the ground, before finally returning the embrace. “I’ve missed you, shark boy!” she teased.

He laughed, and put her back on the ground. “What are you doing here?” he asked merrily.

“Hajime and I are going to hang out at my place, but he wanted to change first. I’d invite you to join us, but it looks like you’re busy.”

“I’ll say,” Hajime interrupted. “What is this?”

Kaz’s eyes twinkled, and he jumped up and down excitedly. “You’ll never guess what this is.”

“No shit!” he retorted.

“So, today,” he started telling the story as he began messing with the machinery again. “I’ve got maybe an hour left on my shift, right? When out of nowhere this, scruffy but rich lookin’ American comes in. He says he needs something fixed. I said ‘no problem, what can we do for ya?’ right? He says ‘it’s a big job, you might not be able to handle it,’ so of course I’m like, ‘try me’.”

His eyes once again tripled in size and sparkled like stars. “Then the guy says that we seriously won't be able to fix it, and he’s SO positive that he says that when we fail, we can just sell the parts instead of him paying us. He says if we do manage to fix it, he will pay us more than the shop is worth.”

He picked up his drill again, and began yanking on bits of pieces of the object as he continued, getting more passionate with each word. “So now, my engines are  _ revving _ . Like, I’m totally pumped. Seriously, what the fuck could this dude possibly have that is worth that? So he takes me out back-- now don’t ask me how he got it there-- but there is a whole ass  _ monster truck _ out there!!” Kaz took a moment to squeal. “Guys, I deadass screamed. The chance to work on one of these beauties is once in a lifetime!”

Hajime’s mouth dropped. He had seen bits and pieces of monster trucks on tv, and he wondered what one of them was doing in the middle of their small city. “That’s awesome!” he congratulated. “But, still doesn’t tell me what this is or why it's in our house.”

“I’m getting there!” Kaz shushed him. “Patience, young padawan.”   
  
“Yeah, Hajime! Patience.” Chiaki teased.

“Anyways, I am just itching to get my hands on this bad boy, but figured I had to clear it with my boss. Thank God, he’s up for it, and says it’s our new number one priority. Guys, I nearly peed myself. I was so excited. So, I literally  _ climbed _ up in this bitch, and I wanted to cry. It was so beautiful. I had barely gotten my hands on it when the boss says it's time for me to clock out!” His tone was now disappointed and annoyed.

“I said, nuh uh, no way! They could  _ not _ start the fun without me. I begged him to let me stay, but he said they didn’t have it in the budget to pay me overtime. But no worries! I was persistent. I kept begging and pleading, definitely didn't cry, until he finally admits I am the best mechanic they’ve got. So, we made a compromise. I had to promise not to break it, but he let me take the engine home! I’m not getting paid for working on it, but I could not give a shit. Can you believe it? I get to dismantle this baby, see what makes it tick. I can’t wait to hear her purr…”    
  
“Didn’t you just say it was a ‘bad boy’?” Chiaki chimed in.

“Truck’s a dude, engine’s a chick.” He answered with no hesitation, and as if it was a known fact. 

“So, there’s a monster truck engine in the middle of our house,” Hajime put the pieces together. “How long is it going to be here?”   
  
“BRO!!” Kaz screeched, his voice high. “Once in a lifetime, don’t rush me!”

Hajime put his hands up in defense, half expecting a wrench to be thrown in his direction. “Okay, okay,” he resigned. “Take your time.”

“Unbelievable,” he half joked. “Your best bro has a chance at eternal happiness, and you’re worried about your kitchen. Nanami would never do this to me, right Chiaki?”

Chiaki shrugged. “I probably would.”

Kazuichi clutched his chest in mock hurt. “Betrayal!”

The three of them laughed, and Hajime made his way around the new obstacle in the room. “Alright, time for me to get changed.”

He closed the door behind him, and took a deep breath. He began searching through his closet for something to wear. He had just pulled his softest long sleeved shirt off of the hook, when the roots in his chest began to grow again. He dropped to his knees, groaning, and reached for a nearby trash can. He coughed into it, letting the petals fall into the bin. 

He wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure if he could make it all night without another petal appearance, but he couldn’t cancel on Chiaki without her getting suspicious or hurting her feelings. Besides that, he needed to take her home. The bus route between their houses was not quick and easy like the one between her place and the office. 

He let out a sigh of resignation, and put the trash can back in its place. He pulled off his work shirt and replaced it with the gray one, and changed into more comfortable pants. He then left his room and entered the bathroom. 

He took a moment to look at his reflection. God, he looked terrible. He was not going to keep up this charade for more than a few extra days at the rate things were going, but it didn’t matter. He just had to keep trying until he couldn’t any more.

After his first attempt, he had tried again and again to tell Nagito the truth. He had even given up on grand gestures, and had tried to just tell him whenever they were together; but somehow, every time he tried something stopped him. Whether it be an incoming call, a sudden cough, a panic attack, and even once an oncoming truck, something always stopped him. 

But right now, he had other things to worry about. He needed to get through this night with Chiaki, and then he could give all his attention to Nagito. He grabbed some over the counter pain relievers and took a pill or two more than was recommended. They didn’t help much, but they did something. He took one last look in the mirror, and tried to hide his ailment, before he left to join his friends.

“Alright. Ready to go?” he asked, swinging his keys.

Chiaki nodded. “Sure you don’t want to come, shark boy?” she offered one last time.

“Hell no! We need some alone time.”

Hajime groaned, and Chiaki laughed. Then, they said their goodbyes and departed for Chiaki’s apartment.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When they arrived, Chiaki had not even needed to reach for her keys, as the door was wide open. Hajime gave her a questioning look, and she simply shrugged in response. She walked in and called out to the apartment, which was much bigger than Hajime’s own.

In his and Kazuichi’s home, the kitchen and living room shared four walls, only separated by the couch and the switch from tile to carpet. They each had their own small room, and they shared a bathroom that wasn’t even large enough to hold a bathtub. 

Chiaki, on the other hand, had a main room big enough for several comfy chairs, a couch, a table, and an entertainment system. The main room was separated from the kitchen with a bar counter, and there was even a balcony. Her bathroom was also much bigger, with a tub and shower. The two bedrooms were average sized, but still beat his own. He had forgotten how nice Chiaki’s place was, and made a mental note to check the rent in the building when he wasn’t dying.

“Hello?” Chiaki called.

“In here!” Ibuki’s familiar voice yelled back from the no longer empty bedroom. The two of them went inside, and Ibuki smiled at them as she set down a pile of boxes. 

“Hey guys! Hajime, did ya miss me?” She was energetic as always. 

“Always!” Hajime replied, trying to sound cheery himself.

“Ibuki is just bringing some of her stuff up! Mikan and Peko are downstairs, they’re helping me out. After today, I just need to bring up my bed! Ibuki is going to wait until Nekomaru is available, though. Mattresses are heavy.”

Chiaki nodded. “Hajime and I were just going to play some video games and hang out, do you need any help?”

“Nope!” she piped proudly. “As soon as those two get back, I’ve got everything. Except for the previously mentioned mattress.”

It was then that they heard the nearing chatter of the other two girls. Mikan soon entered their sight, obviously struggling to carry it in her arms. She was followed soon by Peko, who was carrying three boxes as if they were nothing.

Mikan quickly set the box down in front of Ibuki, and then turned to Chiaki and started rambling. “Nanami! I’m so sorry I-I came into your house uninvited, it’s just that Ibuki said she needed h-help, and Peko said that it would be okay since this is Ibuki’s house now too and now I’ve gone and disturbed Hajime too and--”   
  
“Tsumiki!” Chiaki cut her off. “It’s okay, I promise! You’re welcome any time.”

Mikan blushed, and opened her mouth to protest but closed it again. 

“Yeah!” Ibuki piped in. “Mikan, baby! Fuhgeddaboudit!” She added in a fake Boston accent.

Mikan nodded, and Peko’s red eyes turned from her to Hajime and Chiaki. “Will you two be joining us tonight?” She asked. “Loathe as he may be to admit it, I’m sure Fuyuhiko would love to see you both.”

“Ohhhhhhh, do you guys wanna come?” Ibuki offered. “We’re gonna go get some Mexican food and then hit the club!”

Hajime instantly started to panic. He barely had the energy to have a quiet night with Chiaki, clubbing was out of the question.

“Sorry,” Chiaki interrupted his thoughts. “Hajime promised me he’d help me get this achievement as my player two tonight. Besides, I need at least three days notice to prepare for outings like that.”

He tried to hide his relief as the three girls nodded. “Very well,” Peko said. “I hope you two enjoy your evening. You will be missed.”

“Speaking of,” Nanami looked at Hajime. “Can we go set up?”

He nodded, and they made way for the main room. Hajime turned on the TV and dimmed the lights like they usually did, as Chiaki inserted the game disc into the consol. She handed Hajime his lime green controller, and picked up her own pink one. As the game loaded on screen, she began explaining what they needed to do and the game’s controls.

“Basically, I’ve already completed the game, but I need to go through all the boss battles again with a player two. You won’t have the special move that I do, but you have the power to shield us, which I can’t do. There’s ten of them, I think.”

Hajime nodded, determination crossing his face. “Got it, let’s take these suckers down.”   
  


Once upon a time, Hajime had considered himself good at video games. That illusion had shattered when he met Chiaki. He had realized he was average at best the first time they played together.

Chiaki’s fingers moved rapidly and skillfully, busting out intricate patterns for combo moves one after the other. Her character on screen fought and yelled out catchphrases. She dodged every attack like it was nothing, even letting out a yawn at some point.

Hajime made his own way, doing his best but still attempting to ace the controls himself. Unlike Chiaki, he had needed to pick up a couple of healing items, and struggled to figure out the boss’s attack pattern. Eventually, the victory screen appeared, and he noticed Chiaki’s health bar had not been affected a single time.

“Hinata, you’re doing it again,” he heard her say.

“Hm?” he questioned.

“You’re thinking too much. You did great, we got that cleared in like five minutes. No one else could have done that with me. Besides, having fun and being with you are more important to me than the high score.” She let out a yawn at the end of her sentence.

He nodded softly. She was right. He needed to relax, he had done this with her hundreds of times before. “You’re right,” he admitted. “Let’s keep going, I’ll loosen up when I have the controls down.”

And so they started round two, and Hajime’s game play improved dramatically as he stopped concentrating so hard and just started having fun. Soon, the two of them were laughing about his mistakes and the funny animations of the characters, and easy conversation passed between the two. They finished round two with a much better score, and exchanged a high five.

“Nice one guys!” Ibuki congratulated them. They turned from their spots on the couch and saw the three other girls watching the screen intently.

“Wow,” Mikan said meekly. “Your c-combo work was fantastic, Hajime!”   
  
“Yeah it was,” Chiaki said, putting her fists up in front of her excitedly. “You took out all of the minor enemies in one go!”

“It truly was impressive,” Peko added. “Keep this up, and our ultimate gamer over here might have some competition.”

Hajime laughed. He knew that their compliments were sincere, but he was nowhere near his best friend’s level. He smiled at his friends. “I’m not sure about that, but it’s kind of you to say that,” he thanked.

“Well, we’re going to head out. Tell me what you think of our rockin’ fits!” Mioda instructed. 

Ibuki herself was wearing a teal choppy crop top with two skeletons kissing printed on the front, and the shoulders had been cut out. She was also wearing a pair of fishnet gloves, and several colorful beaded bracelets on each hand. She had on simple jean shorts, fishnet tights to match her arms, and her trademark bone knee socks. A pair of black platform ankle boots made her several inches taller, and the spiked choker on her neck matched her aesthetic perfectly. She had completed her look with a ponytail, dramatic eyeliner, and x’s under her eyes.

To her left, Mikan had changed into a cute pale yellow sundress. She had slipped a white cardigan on top, and gladiator like sandals wrapped around her legs. She had obviously taken the time to paint her finger and toenails, as the white paint matched her cardigan. She had accessorized with silver hoop earrings, a silver band on her middle finger, and an elegant silver chain around her neck. 

Peko had taken out her signature braids and instead let her hair run loose. It was curlier than natural, as she had been wearing the braids for so long. She was wearing black jeans and long black boots. She had opted to put a red button up on top of her black tank top, but she had rolled up the sleeves, and instead of buttoning it up she had tied the ends of the shirt together in a knot. Hajime had to take a moment to make sure he had seen her right. He had not seen Peko without her braids since senior prom, and he had definitely never seen her in pants.

Hajime grinned enthusiastically. “You look fantastic!” he cried.

“Riiiiight?” Ibuki trilled. “Is it getting hot in here or is that just us?” She put her hands on her hips and gave a cocky smile.

“You all look great,” Chiaki said. “Mikan, those sandals are so cute, and Peko that outfit compliments your eyes so well. Ibuki, that whole outfit just screams your name.”

“Do stop, I’m blushing over here.” The musician said with false modesty and a fake lisp. “Well, we are off to break hearts! Fuyuhiko will be at the restaurant soon.”   
  
The five of them said their goodbyes and Chiaki started the next round. They continued easy conversation, talking about office rumors and current events as they easily blew through four more rounds. Level seven, however was a bit trickier.

Chiaki had to keep giving Hajime tips, and he couldn’t seem to shield the two of them in time. They were on their third attempt when Chiaki finally started the conversation he had been dreading.

“So,” she said nervously. “How are things going with Nagito? Is he in love with you yet?”

Hajime grimaced. “No, I haven’t even told him yet.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“It's not that I haven't tried,” he lamented. “I took him on that park date, y’know, and things were going great! And then, I was about to tell him when I… choked up, and then he said he was tired and walked home before I could do anything!”   
  
Chiaki didn’t say anything, but Hajime could tell she was no longer focusing on the game.

“So then I try again two days later. I took him to a movie, and we had a great time, and when I was going to tell him this time, his phone starts ringing. And you know him, it's like a crime if he doesn’t answer.” Hajime’s words started spilling out now, and he basically stopped playing the game all together. Chiaki noticed and paused the game.

“Then I try telling him on the phone the next day, and I almost have the words out when Souda barges into my room and tries to take my alarm clock for parts! The next day, I say to myself ‘this is it, no distractions,’ and I’m literally about to tell him, when a fucking semi nearly hits the two of us!” 

He put his head in his hands, suddenly noticing how loud and angry he had sounded. It wasn’t intentional, he was just so frustrated with the whole situation. Not only that, he was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of death, and he had even realized he was afraid of acceptance. What if Nagito did like him, and then he messed everything up? He whispered now, his voice on the edge of cracking. “And when it’s not an outside force stopping me, it's a panic attack. I’m trying, Chi. I’m trying so hard but I--”

He stopped. He was halfway to tears, any farther and he would have a full breakdown.

“Hey hey,” Chiaki said, voice full of concern. “I don’t get it, why are you in such a rush?” She scooted closer to him and put one hand on his, using her other to turn his face toward her. 

That did it.

Hajime broke. Emotions flooded and rushed out of him like a broken dam. A single tear fell down his cheek as billions of thoughts, dreams, fears, and feelings bombarded him from every angle. What was he going to do? He couldn’t tell her he had Hanahaki Disease.

Evidently, he didn’t get a choice in the matter. He let out a sob, which instantly affected his health. The sudden movement of his body had disturbed the flower, and once again he was drowning in pain.

He clenched his teeth and started breathing heavily. He watched Chiaki’s face contort into fear, but it was blurry and far away. He started gagging and coughing, his body convulsing as his organs suffered inside him. He heard Chiaki yelling his name and shaking him in another reality, but the only thing he was aware of was the agony overtaking him. It was bad this time, worse than it had been before. He briefly wondered if he was screaming just as loudly on the outside. He continued to gag and cough, nauseated and struggling for air. He couldn’t move. All he could do was turn to the side and try not to choke as he felt himself begin to vomit.

The petals came out of him in such a large quantity that when he would later see the aftermath, he would wonder how there were any left inside him. His body shuddered as he kept vomiting, involuntarily jerking forward every time he managed to take a breath. Chiaki was now silent next to him, as the truth dawned on her.

When he had managed to stop at last, he just laid there. Still and silent. The disgusting smell of bile mixed with the sweet scent of a sunflower filling his nostrils. He didn’t move, didn’t look at Chiaki, didn’t think.

His head turned against his will to look at Chiaki, who’s eyes were filled with tears.

“Hajime…” she whispered, heartbroken.

She looked into his eyes, and his body wracked with sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: I have no idea how common monster trucks are in Japan so take that with a grain of salt. Also I'm going to try to keep updates at every three days from now on, but that might get difficult. Bear with me if it takes a little longer!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have 45 minutes until midnight, so technically I still made it in the three day window. I know I said that it was the fluff a little bit ago, but I finally got to write in Naegami, so they get some fluff of their own. Speaking of which, I will not take Byakuya or Naegami slander, as they are my favorite ship and comfort character. So if you don't like that, I suggest you skip the last 2/3 of this chapter. Anyways, enjoy!

Hajime didn’t know how long he spent crying, but he did know that he didn’t hold back.

He trusted Chiaki, and now that he had nothing to hide, he finally let himself go. She held him as he sobbed and sobbed, quaking like a leaf. He wailed apologies to her, admitted his fears through moans of misery. He sobbed more, soaking her calming whispers like a sponge. He needed her support and comfort. Eventually, his sobs turned to quiet sniffles, and then to hiccups, and then there was silence. Still, Chiaki held him, with his head on her chest and her arms around his. She continued her quiet affirmations even after his tears had stopped.

He did not realize how good it would feel to get this secret off of his chest. Sure, Kazuichi had known, but he wasn’t really one to talk about feelings or aid him in any way. With Chiaki, he didn’t feel alone. 

“I’m sorry,” He croaked weakly.

“Shh,” she whispered gently. “It’s okay, it’s going to be alright.”

“I-I didn’t mean for it to get this bad,” he confided. “He was supposed to know by now.”

“How long have you known?” She was pretty sure she had a rough estimate, but she wanted confirmation.

“I coughed up the first petal the night before I first asked for your help.”

She nodded, and guided him into a sitting position. “Hajime, you should have told me. I would have kept it a secret if you asked.”

Hajime looked down, determined not to cry again. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

She cocked her head. “That’s stupid.”

“I-” he started to protest, but she interrupted him.

“I’m more worried now than I would have been if you told me that day. Now, we’re running out of time.”   
  
He didn’t look up, not wanting her to see his shame. As usual, she was right.

“How long have you been throwing up?” She asked quietly.

“That was the first time,” he answered. His voice was barely audible.

“Do you know what that means, Hinata?”

He shook his head. “Why, what does it mean?” 

“You’re in the final stage,” her voice cracked. “You have maybe a month before…” she stopped, not needing to go on. 

“I don’t know what to do Chiaki.”

“Well, we have two choices.”

He slowly looked up, but still avoided her eyes.

“Option one, we take you to the hospital and get you help.”

He was silent. He didn’t like option one very much.

“Option two, we take you to Nagito, and don’t leave until you have told him how you feel.”   
  
Silence. Option two didn’t sound great either. 

“Whatever you choose has to be done tonight, Hajime. We don’t have time to wait.  _ You _ don’t have time.” 

He nodded slowly. “Will you come with me? To Nagito’s?”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Of course. I’m always here for you,” she stood up from the couch, and began putting on her shoes. “But, I’m driving. There’s a new unused toothbrush in the bathroom, go use it.”

His eyes widened. “What, we’re leaving now?”

“Yup. Hop to it!”

He did as he was told, glad to get the taste of stomach acid out of his mouth, and a few minutes later he was in the passenger seat of his car with Chiaki driving him to Nagito’s apartment.

“What am I going to say?” he asked as he nervously fittled his hands.

“You need to stop thinking about it. You’re freaking yourself out by getting into your own head,” she explained. “Just be honest with him. Tell him the truth.”   
  


He nodded. He didn’t like that advice, but she wasn’t wrong. It's not like she could have written him a script even if she had answered differently.

Hajime rolled down his window, hoping fresh air would calm him down. “I don’t want to do this. I’m scared of what will happen.”   
  


Chiaki let out a sour chuckle, an unusual sound coming from the soft, kind girl he knew. “Yeah, well,” she said, attempting to hide her fear. “I’m scared of you dying.”

He didn’t respond. “Kaz…” he gulped, trying to figure out how to word the jumble in his head. “Kazuichi said that people don’t just grow flowers for no reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“If Nagito had feelings for me, even just a silly little crush, I wouldn’t have Hanahaki.”

There was a moment of silence as Chiaki gathered her thoughts. “So, you’re saying you’re scared he will reject you.”

He nodded, and though she was keeping her eyes on the road, she knew that was exactly what he was saying.

“But at the same time, I don’t think there’s any way he won’t accept me,” he continued.

“Tell the first part of your brain to shut up. If he does reject you, we focus on immediately getting you help. But Hajime,” She turned her head briefly to look at him. “Honestly, I don’t think we need to worry about that. Besides, you’re out of time to fret. We’re here.”   
  
She pulled into the first available parking spot, and turned to face him. “Now, go up there, and end this. I’ll be waiting right here if you need anything, anything at all okay?” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Go, before you get freaked out even more than you already are.”

He took a shaky breath, before he exited the vehicle. As he was walking away, she rolled down the window. “Good luck, player two!” she called. He turned back and smiled at her, before throwing caution to the wind and entering the building.

  
  
  
  
  


He spent a good five minutes standing outside of the door, panicking, before he finally got up the courage to knock. Turns out, his anxieties were for nothing, as neither Nagito or Naegi answered the door. Instead, he was greeted by icy blue eyes and neat blonde hair.

“What is it?” Said the formal, always annoyed voice.

“Oh, hello Togami,” Hajime spluttered. “What are you doing here?”

Byakuya let out a curt laugh. “Is it so unusual that I should be spending time with my partner? I should be the one asking you that question; and if you would recall, I already have, Hinata.” 

“Ooooh, it's Hajime?” he heard Makoto’s much friendlier voice call from inside. Within seconds he had appeared in the doorway, then wrapped his arms around Byakuya’s waist. He smiled brightly at Hajime, and Hajime tried his best to smile back. “What’s up?” Makoto asked.

“Hey, is Nagito here?” he asked, avoiding Byakuya’s glare.

“No,” he said. Hajime’s heart fell for a moment before he continued. “Not yet, he said he was staying super late at the shelter tonight. He should be here soon though, do you want to come in and wait for him?”

The thought of spending time with the two of them alone almost made Hajime more nervous than confessing to Nagito, but he certainly wasn’t turning back now. “Sure,” he said. “Thank you.”

The two of them moved away from the doorway, and Hajime stepped in. The familiar smell he usually found comforting now made him nervous. His heart started beating faster, a truly unpleasant sensation, at the thought of what was to come.

“There’s food and drink in the kitchen,” Byakuya informed, and Hajime had to stop his jaw from dropping. In the few years he had known Togami, never once offered him anything. He was always self serving and uptight, and although he hadn’t necessarily offered him anything, he knew that was the closest he would ever get. Hajime wondered if he should take him up on it, despite the fact that he didn’t want to eat, because he was sure he would never experience that again. 

“Thanks,” he said cautiously, unsure if Togami was being possessed.

He followed them into the kitchen, deciding that at least some water would be nice. His throat was dry from nerves anyway. Makoto offered him a variety of snacks and beverages, but he turned them all down except for the aforementioned glass of ice water.

Hajime found himself watching the small happy go lucky boy and his corporate bastard boyfriend without even realizing it. In a way, they fascinated him. Anyone who met them would think that two such people could never work together. Makoto was goofy, optimistic, and selfless; while Byakuya was harsh, professional, and self absorbed. However, despite these impressions, all it took was a moment to really watch them to see that the two were made for eachother.

Whenever Makoto was in his presence, Byakuya softened up. His permanent scowl would lighten, and Hajime had even seen him smile a couple of times. He obviously cared for the boy, even when they weren’t blatantly showing affections, you could see it in the way that Byakuya interacted with him. Makoto didn’t ever need to ask him to get things off of the top shelves, or hand him a napkin, for he was always interpreting his needs. Not only that, but you could see it in the way the iciness in his eyes melted away when he looked at Makoto.

But Byakuya wasn’t the only one who changed. Makoto always seemed more confident when their hands were entwined, and he got braver as well. The way he looked at Togami as if he were the only thing in the world was displayed for all to see. He knew how to read the heir like no one else in the world as well. All it took was a simple word or look and Makoto knew exactly what he was thinking, and exactly what he needed.

Hajime’s heart fell as he observed the two. He watched longingly as Byakuya got a cup for Hajime out of the cupboard, and handed it to his boyfriend with a kiss on the forehead. Makoto cooed happily, and filled the cup with ice and water while Togami got them each a cup of tea prepared. The two moved seamlessly around each other, their adoration for one another palpable in the air. He wanted a love like this. He wanted to look at Nagito the way those two looked at each other. He wanted Nagito to look at him that way, too.

He realized how long he had been staring when Byakuya cleared his throat. “Would you like some popcorn for your show?” he sneered.

Hajime blushed, thoroughly embarrassed. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just that…” He trailed off, thinking of what to say.

“Well, spit it out,” demanded Togami.

“Y’know Hajime, if there’s something on your mind you can talk to us.” Makoto sat down next to him, and gave Hajime an expression so filled with kindness that he no longer felt he had a choice about opening up.

The blonde set down the two cups of tea and took the remaining seat behind Naegi, who instantly scooted the bar stool backwards so he could lay on his chest. Byakuya wrapped an arm around his face and nuzzled his nose into his neck. He seemed to have no qualms with being blatantly cuddly around Hajime. Makoto leaned into the embrace happily, resting his arm on top of Byakuya’s.

“I promise Kuya will be nice about whatever you have to say too,” the shorter boy said matter of factly. Byakuya just grumbled in response.

Hajime sighed. “It’s just that the two of you are so obviously in love,” he started. He put a fist under his chin and looked down in thought. “How do you express it so… effortlessly?”

“Well, we’ve been together for three years now. It comes pretty easily when you’re that committed.” Makoto answered.

Byakuya lifted his head from Naegi’s neck and looked at Hajime. “It seems excruciatingly comprehensible that if you’re passionate about something, it is simple to discuss. Would you be asking these questions about a musician that expresses their love for music?”   
  
“I guess not,” Hajime frowned. “But was it always this way? Didn’t you ever get scared?”

Togami glared at him. “No,” he said simply before releasing his grip on his partner and walking to the counter to pull his laptop from his bag. 

“Ohhhh, is that right?” Makoto laughed. “As I recall, someone was  _ terrified  _ of expressing love at the beginning of our relationship. Must have been Kyoko, right Kuya?”

Byakuya grumbled again. “I was not  _ scared, _ ” he clarified. “I simply believed feelings were troublesome and not worth the effort.”

“Uh huuuh,” Makoto said sarcastically. “So when I confronted you, you  _ hadn’t _ been avoiding me for days?”

Togami said nothing.

Hajime squinted at the boy next to him. “I’m missing something, what are you guys talking about?”   
  
“Makoto is referring to the development of our relationship,” Byakuya said bluntly.

“Get a load of this,” Makoto scooted closer, and looked at Hajime eagerly. “This guy over here had Hanahaki Disease.”   
  
Hajime, who had made the mistake of choosing that moment to sip his water, coughed loudly into the cup. He started choking and sputtering, completely shocked at this fact. “He-- what?” he questioned. “You did?” He looked at Togami with an open jaw.

“Yes, Hinata, I did. I know average people like yourself place me as some sort of God, and you are correct to do so, but despite this fact I am still merely human. I, too, get sick.”

“But that means,” Hajime’s face was so puzzled, he could hear Naegi laughing at him. “That means you loved him?” Hajime realized after how stupid this sentence was, but he had always thought that Makoto must have pestered him into dating and eventually won him over, not that Byakuya had just naturally developed feelings. He didn’t seem like that kind of guy. That, or he had swept Makoto off his feet in a big, expensive romantic gesture.

“Are you honestly stupid enough to be surprised by this fact? We just discussed this! I have already admitted my feelings for Makoto.”   
  
“Oh, c’mon Kuya,” Makoto came to his defense. “Even I was shocked.”

“What happened?” Hajime was desperate to find out. He had no idea someone who had gone through the same thing as him was so close. If he could get info, or sneak advice out of him…

“Well, one day I started experiencing pain in my chest cavity and coughing up daisy petals. I promptly deduced that I had been infected with Hanahaki. There was no question in my mind that Naegi was the source, as he was the only person whose company I tolerated, let alone enjoyed.”

Byakuya continued his story, still typing away at his laptop. Hajime could have sworn he saw a hint of fondness in his eyes as he told the tale.

“Now, naturally I came up with a plan. I scheduled an appointment with the best surgeon in Japan, and fully intended to have my flower removed. However, she had no available appointments for a week. Normally I would have pushed to have been seen sooner, after all I am the heir to the Togami Corporation, but for some reason I didn’t. I still to this day do not know why I opted to do such a thing, but I am grateful I did.” 

Makoto smiled next to Hajime with happy tears in his eyes. He wiped them away, and continued Byakuya’s story so seamlessly, it almost seemed rehearsed. “That week, he avoided me like the plague.” Naegi laughed. “He disregarded every text, he ran from me in class, he ate lunch off campus, everything he could do to ignore me. When I told my friends, they all told me that it was ‘trademark Togami behavior’, but I  _ knew _ something was wrong. So, I marched my way to his house to confront him.”

“I still do not know how he managed to convince my security to let him up, but I was packing my toiletries for my hospital stay, which began the next day, when he arrived,” the blonde picked up. “I answered the door and this little weasel ducked under my arm and into my house before I even registered it was him at the door.”

The shaggy haired brunette giggled at the memory before letting his partner keep going. “He demanded to know what was wrong, but I refused to tell him. Then, ever observant as he is, he noticed my packing. He interrogated me with even  _ more _ force after that.”

“This guy tried to lie to  _ me,  _ Hajime,” Makoto added. “Like I couldn’t see right through him!”

Hajime looked between the two of them, fascination in his expression. “Then what?” he wondered.

“What happened after that,” Byakuya answered, his tone smug. “Was this boy pulled a dirty little stunt.”

Makoto giggled. “The phone started to ring, and I could sense him freaking out. Soooooo,”

He stood up and stood behind his boyfriend and gave him a kiss on the cheek before wrapping his arms around his waist again. Byakuya smiled in defeat, and waited for him to finish his thought. “I snatched the nearest phone, and started running around the room so he couldn’t catch me. My size makes me very fast, y’know. I ended up squeezing my way behind a giant bookcase, and even his long arms couldn’t reach me!”

Byakuya actually  _ grinned _ at this, and if he didn’t know it would get him killed, Hajime would have taken a photo for proof.

“I still remember exactly what I said after that. I answered the phone and I said, ‘Togami residence,” in my most serious tone.”   
  
“I cannot believe you were not out of breath from darting around like a squirrel,” Byakuya teased.

“The lady on the other end asked if Byakuya was there and I said, ‘Master Togami is unavailable at the moment, may I take a message?’ all the while he’s still reaching his arm back trying to grab me.” Makoto took a moment to laugh, while the taller boy resumed his side.

“I was terrified, never again will I stoop to such desperate levels as to reach frantically somewhere I know I cannot reach. I only had a suspicion that it was the hospital on the phone but what happened next confirmed my fear. I heard him say, ‘Alright, thank you for calling. I will have him get back to you as soon as possible.’ and finally squirm his way out of hiding. I didn’t even get to say anything before he was yelling at me with a fury I had never seen before.”

Makoto was still laughing as he clutched his tall boyfriend, so he continued on.

“He yelled at me like no one before. Literally. No one before had yelled at me besides my father, and his anger never stemmed from concern. He ordered me to tell him why I was getting phone calls about preparing for an operation, and why I was packing like I was leaving, and why I had been ignoring him. I knew lying at this point was futile, so I told him everything.”

“I cried SO hard, Hinata.” Makoto almost seemed proud of this fact.   
  
“That’s an understatement,” Togami rolled his eyes. “It took almost twenty minutes for him to be able to make a coherent sentence. When I could finally understand him through his sobs, he asked me not to get the surgery.”   
  
“I knew full well that even though anyone else would have given in and made a move, he was too stubborn. And too shy.”   
  
“Not shy!” the heir protested. “I just simply believed it would complicate matters for no reason, and that it would be easier to continue my path in life without distractions.”

“Now keep in mind that when I first met Byakuya,” Makoto looked at Hajime. “I developed a  _ huge _ crush on him, that I forced myself to get over because I thought it would be impossible. And then, a year later I find out he’s in love with me! Can you imagine?”   
  


Hajime shook his head, dumbstruck.

“Anyway, I begged him all night to postpone the surgery. I asked him to give me one chance. One chance to cement my feelings, and prove to him that it would be worth it for us to be together.”

“He argued with me for hours, until I no longer had the energy to combat his words. Evidently, I agreed, and we’ve been together ever since.” 

Makoto beamed, and began dancing around the kitchen while singing choruses of “I won over Byakuya Togami,” repeatedly.

“Stop it, goof.” Byakuya smirked. 

Hajime smiled at the sickly sweet tale, feeling truly happy for them instead of awkward and slightly uncomfortable like he normally did. However, there was one concern on his mind. 

“Wait,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t get it. If you gave him a chance immediately, how was the surgery still even on the table? Shouldn’t the flower have disappeared?”

“Hm, I didn’t expect such a thing to catch your attention,” Togami raised an eyebrow. “ I’m impressed.” He looked away from his laptop to gaze at his boyfriend. “The symptoms did immediately begin to get better, but the daisy was still there. I asked specialists about this myself later, and they provided me with an answer. Apparently, the flower does not truly disappear until true love is entirely reciprocated. Makoto at the time, had fears and reservations. He wasn’t truly sure we would be compatible at the time.”

“Yeah I was a little scared,” Makoto interjected. “Not as scared as he was, but still scared.”

  
“Why were you scared?” Hajime asked the blonde.

“I was  _ not _ scared,” Byakuya spat.

“He was scared he was too much of an asshole for me to love him,” Makoto said with an adoring look. “He is an asshole, granted, but I see a side to him that no one else does.”

“Yes, you do. And that  _ includes _ Hinata,” he hinted, telling his partner that was private information.

“Mhm!” Makoto said brightly, before turning back to Hajime. “Anyways, now you see what I mean when I say it wasn’t always easy. It took him a year to tell me he loved me, even though we all knew that was the case because of Hanahaki. But you always have to start somewhere.”

Makoto’s gaze turned mischievous, and he sat down next to Hajime again. “You seem to have a sudden fascination with romance,” he started, raising his eyebrow knowingly.

“N-no,” Hajime stuttered. “I just think that your story is fascinating.”   
  
“Hmmm, fascinating huh? Y’know, Nagito thinks the same thing.”   
  
Hajime glared at him. “What a coincidence,” he countered.

“That’s what I thought. I thought maybe one of you two would be looking for romantic advice…” He tilted his head and rolled his hand in a “go on” motion.

Hajime didn’t say anything, his cheeks going furiously red.

“Hey babe,” Makoto called across the bar counter. “Don’t you think Nagito’s kinda cute?”

Byakuya looked at him like he was insane. “No,” he said bluntly.

Naegi ignored him, frustrated that Togami wasn’t playing along. “Really? I think he’s pretty cute. He’s got nice fluffy hair, gorgeous eyes…” he stared at Hajime, who was feeling like he was going to combust on the spot.

“I guess you could say that,” Hajime pretended to not know what his friend was trying to do. This frustrated the shorter one, who decided to push farther. “You two spend a lot of time together, dontcha?” he asked.

“Well, we are best friends,” he said as though this was a valid refute.

“Oh please,” Togami said annoyed with a sigh and roll of his eyes. “The sexual tension between you two is so thick I could cut it with a knife.”   
  
Hajime sputtered and stuttered. “Wh-- I-- Huh?”

“Do not insult my intelligence by trying to deny it. The current shade of your face and the fact that you have shown up at his apartment at ten o’clock at night without warning proves me correct beyond a doubt!” He testified.

“Not to mention, the  _ incident _ the other day,” Makoto added.

Hajime put his head in his hands, making Naegi laugh. “C’mon Hajime! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Nagito is a good guy!”

This earned another puzzling look from the blonde.

“Fine, you caught me,” Hajime admitted reluctantly. “I came here tonight to confess.”   
  
“YES!” Makoto threw his hands in the air. “I can hear the wedding bells!”

Hajime smiled, but tried to hide it. “Stop, I don’t even know how it's going to go.”   
  
“Well it’s going to go great! Trust me. You guys have chemistry unlike anyone I’ve ever seen. It rivals even me and Kuya!” Makoto beamed at him, so confident it made Hajime himself feel better.

“Seriously Hajime, I’d bet my life to say that he likes you back,” he said, noticing Hajime’s eyes suddenly widen. “Not that I have proof! He hasn’t told me anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just know him, is all.”

Hajime let out a sigh of relief, feeling hopeful for the first time in days. Maybe things could work out. For the first time in what felt like years, the agony in his chest didn’t bother him much.

If such an unlikely pair worked so perfectly, surely there was hope for him, right?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUCKLE UP EVERYONE! WE HAVE ARRIVED AT ANGST TOWN! It is confession time.

Only a few more minutes passed before the three boys heard the door open from the other room. Komaeda walked in, hair looking messier than usual and his eyes tired. Immediately, Hajime could tell he was not in a bright mood. However, when he saw Hajime sitting at the counter, a genuine smile crossed his face. Hajime sighed a dreamy sigh, one that only Makoto could hear.

  
Nagito was wearing jeans and an army green hoodie, and Hajime smiled at how cute he looked in such a simple outfit, before his nerves immediately recognized what was about to happen. He felt like he might hurl again.

“Hajime!” Nagito said, and to him his voice sounded exhausted, though he hid it well. He was happier than he would have liked to admit to see Hinata. After his night at work, he could use some company to cheer him up. “It’s such a blessing to see you! Did you come to hang out with Togami and Makoto?”   
  
Byakuya scoffed. “What a preposterous suggestion,” he muttered under his breath. 

“No,” Hajime chuckled. “I came to see you.”   
  


Nagito looked away, and Hajime couldn’t tell why. “Well,” he said morosely. “Here I am.”

“Yes,” Hajime replied awkwardly. “Here you are.”

It was then that the two of them noticed Makoto with his chin in his hands across the counter, eyes wide with curiosity. Byakuya too noticed the sight, and smiled lightly into his tea. 

Nagito blinked at his roommate, and Hajime glared. “Hey,” the taller brunette said. “Do you want to head to the roof?”

Nagito nodded warily, having no idea what had Naegi so interested in the two of them. “Sure, do you need a jacket? It’s a little cold out.”

He was right, it had been chilly on the way up to the apartment. His thin gray shirt wouldn’t keep him warm. “Actually,” he thought out loud. “That would be great, if you have an extra.”

Nagito hummed and nodded. “Of course, I may as well be good for something,” he muttered under his breath before ducking into his room to grab it. 

“Hajime you dog!” Makoto whispered scandalously. “You’re not even dating yet and you’re stealing his clothes.”   
  
“Shut up!” Hajime hissed back as Komaeda returned, throwing him a red and white hoodie Hajime had seen a few times. He slid it on and gave a satisfied smile to the white haired boy. Nagito gave him a smile back, glad to be able to help.

“Alright,” Nagito said as he opened the door. “We’ll be back.”

Hajime gave one nervous glance back at the couple still in the room. Byakuya dismissively raised his hand. Makoto gave him a bright smile and an encouraging thumbs up, as well as mouthing, “Good luck!”

  
  
  


The two walked in silence, and the only thing that kept him from panicking was the soothing smell of Nagito that lingered on the hoodie. He momentarily wondered if that was creepy, but decided not to dwell on it. At least he had some sort of comfort.

When they reached the big heavy door that led to the roof, Nagito held it open for him. Hajime was grateful for this, as he didn’t have much energy. The period of grace that happens after a petal is released was coming to an end, and he was beginning to hurt again. He prayed he would just be able to make it through this conversation.

Finally outside, he watched Nagito take a deep breath of the fresh, cool night air. A previous unnoticed tension in his shoulders released and he sighed as he took in the sight of the small city around them.

Hajime took his usual seat on one of the power boxes on top of the building, and he watched as Nagito looked at the cityscape with a melancholy look on his face. For a moment, fear left him as he gazed at Nagito’s pale complexion that now glowed a stunning shade of amber in the yellow city lights. For just a second, it was just another one of their nights on the roof; soon they would be talking about strange dreams they had had, or they would fondly reminisce on their high school days. But that moment ended, and Hajime knew that after tonight nothing would ever be the same.

He wished he had a choice. He wished he could stay in this moment forever, this moment where nothing had changed. He longed so desperately for the pain in his chest to leave him alone, to not force him to do this. He was terrified of what would happen. But at the same time, a sort of excitement filled his stomach. He was ready to get things off of his chest, and he prayed that things would go as well in real life as they had in his mind.

Nagito was still looking past the edge of the building. Hajime found himself reaching out as he pinched the sleeve of the other’s green hoodie. He turned to him, and once again Hajime noticed the sadness etched in his features. His own eyes softened, and he looked curiously at the white haired boy.

“Nagito,” he uttered finally. “Are you okay?”   
  
Nagito looked briefly at the hand holding his jacket, before shrugging it off and taking a seat next to Hajime.

“I’m always okay,” he whispered.

“I know something’s wrong,” Hajime prodded.

“It’s fine, nothing trash like me should bother you with.”   
  
“Nagito,” Hajime said, emotion overwhelming him. He didn’t want to listen to Komaeda hate himself tonight, not when he so desperately wanted to tell him how much he loved him. Listening to those words hurt, and he was in enough pain.

“Listen to me,” He instructed, and Nagito looked into his eyes. Hajime’s voice caught in his throat, but he managed to finish his sentence. “You are never,  _ ever _ a bother to me. I--I care about you more than I have cared about anything or anyone in my life.”

Hajime groaned internally. Why didn’t he just say it right then? It would have been the perfect time. He brushed it off, wanting to focus on making Nagito feel better about whatever was plaguing him. “Now please, tell me what’s wrong.”   
  


Nagito looked down and bit his lip. He genuinely felt like he didn’t have the right to burden Hajime with his thoughts, he didn’t want to. He didn’t get to hide, however, as Hajime lifted his chin with his hands and forced him to look at the caring expression in his eyes. He didn’t know what else was in those eyes, but he knew Hajime was looking at him much too kindly. He winced, and looked away once again. He didn’t want to speak his mind, but he didn’t want Hajime to look at him like that again even more.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I just had a rough night at work.” He ran a hand through his hair and started bouncing his knee, trying to distract himself from his thoughts.

“You were there quite a while,” Hajime noted. “Is something going on?”

Hajime watched him contemplate something, probably whether to open up or not. Eventually he must have acknowledged that Hajime wouldn’t give up, because moments later he sighed and finally faced him. His expression was pained, and all he wanted to do was hold him.

“I still haven’t found a home for Nozo,” he admitted begrudgingly. “It’s starting to get to me. I’ve stayed for hours almost every night, making call after call. I’ve shown her to so many people I’ve lost count. I pet her until she falls asleep every night, and I post ads all over the internet. But no one is willing to put in the little extra work it takes to love her.”

Nagito’s tone turned sour, anger filling up his voice. “I don’t understand. She has her uniquities, sure, but she’s still so lovable. She’s playful, she’s cute, she’s cuddly. She’s literally the ideal kitten, but people are so vain and ignorant, that they don’t care.”

Hajime’s heart hurt for him. He could tell how deeply he cared for this cat, and how much it pained him to see her turned down over and over again. “I don’t understand,” Hajime frowned. “What could possibly be so wrong with her that no one will take her?”

Nagito scowled and looked away. “She’s on several medications, one of which has to be given every twelve hours. She’s also missing a leg.”   
  
Hajime sighed, understanding more why he was so upset, and why the abandoning family was such a big deal. “Well, theoretically,” Hajime pondered. “Could you adopt her?”   
  
Nagito laughed, but not in a humorous way. “If I had the choice I would have taken her home the night I found her hiding in that dirty old alley. But I can’t, Byakuya is allergic, and Makoto wants him to be able to come over. I know that’s not his fault but I can't help but be upset, even though I have no right as human garbage to feel this way.”   
  
“Stop it, you’re not garbage.” Hajime protested. Nagito huffed in response. “I didn’t know you found her.” He said, hinting that he wanted the full story.

“I did, about a month ago. I was about to get on the bus to the shelter when I heard thumping in the alley by the stop. Naturally, I was curious. I found her, injured, starving, and hiding from the rain in a cardboard box. Despite her situation, she was playing with a bottle cap.” Nagito smiled at the memory, his fondness for the kitten obvious on his face. “I took her to the shelter, cleaned her up, and Gundham took her to the vet. The loss of her leg had left infections and permanent damage, that’s why she needs meds.”

Hajime thinned his lips, and looked at Nagito, who turned back to look at him. “Is that why you said she reminded you of yourself?”

Nagito let out another harsh laugh. “It was foolish of me to ever say such stupid things,” he snapped. “We are not the same.”   
  
Hajime frowned. “Why? I don’t think it's foolish at all.”

“Why?” Nagito spat back. “Because we are both sick, traumatized orphans with no one to care for us?”

“I didn’t mean--”

“Yeah, that much is true,” Nagito continued. His tone changed quickly, turning from anger to anguish. “But there is one blatant difference between us. I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier.”

Hajime’s heart ached for the boy next to him. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him; hold him close as he kissed his face and whispered calming affirmations in his ear. He wanted to make him feel safe, make him feel loved. 

“What do you mean?” Hajime asked tentatively.

“Nozo deserves love, plain and simple.” Nagito stood up abruptly, facing away from Hajime. “I, on the other hand, do not.”

Nagito’s words hit Hajime like a brick, and suddenly everything made sense. Why everyone, including himself, had thought feelings that weren’t real had been there. Why he had caught Hanahaki disease. Why Komaeda had been clueless to--or more likely ignored, he knew now--Hajime’s obvious advances.

Nagito Komaeda truly, one hundred percent did not believe he deserved to be loved.

But he could not have been more wrong. To Hajime, Nagito was the world. He was company when there was no one else. He was a shining light when the universe was dark, he was what kept the earth spinning. He was crawling into a warm blanket after walking home in the cold, or the taste of orange juice with your favorite breakfast. He was the adrenaline pumping through your veins as you scream the words to your favorite song. He was the joy of Christmas morning, and the smell of rain. He was home disguised as a shaggy, white haired, lanky boy. 

He was everything.

Hajime was shocked that he managed to keep himself from sobbing as he took a step closer. He still didn’t know what to say, but he was no longer scared.

“Nagito, why would you say that?” He asked gently.

“Because it’s true, Hinata.”

“It’s not.”   
  
“It  _ is, _ ” Komaeda argued with more conviction. “She is pure, innocent and kind. She can do no harm. She is a blessing, like you, Hajime.”

Hajime’s heart both fell and skipped a beat as Nagito turned around to face him. The pain in his chest intensified quickly and without warning, but he ignored it. Nagito was more important. 

“But me?” the luckster continued, his eyes swirling with self hatred. “I am nothing. If anything, I am a burden.” He lets out a cackle, and Hajime winces because it sounds just like the one from his nightmares.

“I am genuinely just a lowly bug that doesn’t even deserve to live in the trash. Nozo has never done anything bad, I have cursed countless people with my mere existence.”   
  
“What the hell are you talking about Nagito?” Hajime demands, not liking the words coming from him one bit. 

“Think about it, Hajime!” His eyes are wild and his voice is breaking. “All of my life, good things have happened to me at the cost of others. My parents? Foster families that took me in?”

“None of that was your fault, Nagito,” Hajime attempts to soothe him. “Nothing has ever happened to me, has it?”

Nagito turns his head. “I pray every night that it stays that way, Hinata. However the fact remains that I am broken. Even if nothing were to happen to someone who loved me, I am a bomb waiting to go off. I’m broken. I can’t offer things that the rest of the world can. I’m just… worthless.”

Nagito takes a deep breath, and Hajime’s eyes are watering from both heartbreak and pain. He is trying with every fiber in his being to keep the sunflower at bay. He doesn’t know how long he will last.

“I have hurt people, Hajime. And I will not burden anyone with the task of caring for me. Ever.”   
  
These words stab through Hajime, and he doesn’t think. He just acts.

He takes another step forward, and grabs each of Nagito’s hands in his own. He holds them as if they were the most precious things on earth.

“Nagito, none of that is true. You are--” He has to pause to suppress a grunt of pain. “You are wonderful. You  _ do _ deserve love, you  _ are _ loved. You are cherished, and a gift to the world. To me.”

He looks deeply into his eyes, urging him to understand what he is trying to say. He grips his hands tighter as green meets green, and he tries to convey his feelings. His chest is screaming, and Hajime is biting back tears. 

“Thank you for your kind words,” Nagito says softly with a halfhearted smile. “But I know my place. I am unworthy.”

He’s running out of time. He has to do something, and he has to do it quickly. His vision is turning black, and it's getting hard to breathe. He can feel his stomach turning, and knows he doesn't have much time before more petals make their appearance. 

“No--you, you don’t understand what I’m trying to say,” Hajime gasps out as fast as he can, alarm clear in his voice. He feels like he might collapse. 

Nagito furrows his brows and looks down at their entwined hands, then back at Hajime. His expression is confused, and he looks at Hajime with concern. “I don’t get it,” he admits. “What  _ are _ you trying to say?”

Hajime says a quick prayer to any entity that is listening, and throws caution to the wind. 

He closes his eyes, and swiftly presses their lips together.

Instantly, the pain in his chest vanishes, and is replaced with fireworks. His heart feels as though it is literally singing. Nagito’s lips are both soft and chapped, and they taste vaguely of lemon. The world stops spinning, and everything except Nagito disappears from existence. He is on cloud nine. Forget the past! He wants to stay in  _ this _ moment forever.

But that is all it is, a moment. One blissful moment before Nagito harshly pushes him back. He stumbles and lands on the power box he had been sitting on before. The pain returns just as quickly as it had gone. He gasps and holds back a sob, but he cannot hold back the tears completely.

“What the  _ fuck _ , Hinata?” Nagito yells, fury in every word. “Did you think that would be funny?”

The hurt from the sudden impact of Nagito’s hands to his chest was nothing to the agony of listening to his words now.

“Do you think I’m stupid or something? I may be worthless, but I’m not an idiot!”

“What?” Is all Hajime can manage to get out.

“There’s no way I’m dumb enough to believe you did that as anything but a joke. Well, Hajime, it's a damn cruel one.”

“I’m not jo--”

“Stop it!” He screams, and Hajime is in so much pain he doesn’t even know what is happening anymore.

“Even if you were serious, which I  _ know _ you’re not, I  _ just _ told you I didn’t want to burden anyone with my existence, especially not you! Why would you do that?” Nagito sounds broken, but he sounds more enraged than anything.   
  
Hajime doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to fight back. All he knows is that he is drowning. The world is going dark in more than one way, and he is crushed. There is no way he can change Nagito’s mind. He was going to die, because Nagito refused to let himself be loved.

Nagito breathes deep for a moment, then turns his back to him. “Get out, Hajime. Go home.”

He lets out a sob and nods. His heart aches and he feels like he weighs a million pounds as he shakily stands up, and heads for the entrance to the complex. “I’m sorry,” he croaks, voice crumpling completely, before the heavy metal door swings shut behind him.

He doesn’t have the strength, energy, or will power to hold back as he stumbles blindly down the halls and stairways. He is barely conscious of the mournful sobs escaping him, let alone the path back to Chiaki. He cries out to the empty hallway, asking for help. Asking why, why? He collapses to the floor, having no idea where he was or how long it had been since his heart was shattered. He can’t help himself in his dazed and foggy state. He lays on the floor, and is helpless as he throws up petal after petal for what seems like an eternity. Finally, sobbing and most likely covered in his own vomit, he succumbs to the darkness. His last conscious thought is that he hopes his dreams will be nicer to him than life.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Nagito hears the door shut behind Hajime, and he sinks to the ground. He waits a moment, until he is sure Hajime is out of earshot, before letting a scream out into the night. He curls into a ball on the cold, concrete roof and wishes he could cry. But he can’t, he’s too upset. Too angry.

He doesn’t want to think about what just happened. He wants to crawl in bed, and forget the entire night. He doesn’t want to think about why his only friend would play such a vile joke, and he  _ certainly _ didn’t want to think about what would happen if it hadn’t been a joke. 

He laughed to himself. He truly was despicable. One single conversation, or actually, one single action, had him wallowing in pity on the dirty ground. He cackled, the sound containing no amusement, instead sounding almost maniacal. Ah, but this was to be expected. His good luck with Hajime had lasted far too long. It was only a matter of time before things were ruined in one way or another. 

But why did it have to be in  _ this _ way? The world was merciless, and it made him mad.

He abruptly stood up and stopped his laughter, the anger multiplying within him. He storms back to his apartment, replaying the night over and over in his mind. As he marches, Hajime’s voice echoes with the sounds of his steps.

_ I came to see you. _

The heavy door closed with a loud bang, and it doesn’t bother him like it normally would.

_ You are never,  _ ever _ a bother to me. I--I care about you more than I have cared about anything or anyone in my life. _

Nagito closes his eyes and shakes his head as he walks down the hall, begging his brain to shut up.

_ Stop it, you’re not garbage. _

He stomps down the staircase, maybe if his steps are loud enough he can drown out his voice.

_ Nagito, why would you say that? _

He finally reaches his floor.

_ None of that was your fault, Nagito. Nothing has ever happened to me, has it? _

He grit his teeth and winced.

_ None of that is true. You are wonderful. You  _ do _ deserve love, you  _ are _ loved. You are cherished, and a gift to the world. To me. _

He just wants it to stop.

_ No--you, you don’t understand what I’m trying to say. _

At last he reaches the familiar door, and he opens it with such force that it causes his roommate, who is snuggling his boyfriend on the couch, to jump and spill the snacks he had been holding.

He doesn’t say anything. His mind was swirling with so many things that he didn’t even comprehend Makoto instructing Byakuya to go home. The rich blonde boy does so gladly, not wanting two therapy sessions in one night. Nagito strides past them, and shuts the door to his bedroom more aggressively than he needs to.

He collapses onto his bed and curls up into a tight ball. He’s still fully dressed, but he’s ready to just go to bed when there’s a knock on his door.

“Ko, is everything okay?” he hears Makoto’s timid voice on the other end.

He wanted to tell him to go away, to leave him alone to wither away in his bed, but he knew that would make him a worse person than he already is. So he lies.

“I’m fine,” he replied bluntly.

“You sure? You seem upset.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, he was obviously upset. He stayed quiet.

“I’m gonna come in, okay?”

Nagito grabs a pillow and curls up tighter, still not saying anything. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but he didn’t want to bring it up later either. Whatever. He didn’t care.

He heard Makoto gingerly open the door and sit on the foot of his bed. “What happened?” he asked.

Nagito’s brain ran on autopilot. “It’s nothing. Vermin such as myself should not bother you with petty problems.”   
  
“Okay, but what if I want to know?”

There was silence for a moment before Nagito decided that maybe this once it would be nice to talk things out. He didn’t even truly understand what was happening in his mind, maybe Makoto could help. “He kissed me,” he stated, his voice muffled by the pillow as he curled up again.

Makoto gasped. “He did? Was it awful or something?”

Nagito sat up and glared at him, before a realization began to dawn on him. Makoto had been asking about Hajime quite a bit lately, and the way he had been staring at the two of them before they headed to the roof…

“Oh my god,” Nagito said quietly, before his tone turned vicious and accusing. “You were in this with him? Did you put him up to this?”   
  
“What? No!”

“You did!” he hissed. “Well did you two have a good laugh?”

“Komaeda, no one is laughing. What are you talking about?” The cogs in Makoto’s brain turned quickly. “Jesus Christ, did you reject him?”   
  
“What do you mean ‘reject’, you can’t ‘reject’ a sick prank.”   
  
Makoto’s jaw dropped and he looked at Nagito with an almost mad expression. “Are you kidding me? You thought he was  _ pranking _ you?”

Nagito’s heart started pumping fast with adrenaline. “Well, do you have another explanation?”   
  
“Uh, yeah! Maybe he has genuine feelings for you? Why would you do that? You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for him, too.”

Nagito’s eyes blazed with anger. Who was he to tell him what he did or didn’t feel? To pretend Hajime would do something as lowly as fall for him? He laughed. “Even if I did, which I would  _ never _ be so stupid or selfish to allow garbage like me to fall for someone like him, I could never give him what he needs. If he truly has feelings for me, then he has made a grave mistake.”   
  
“Are you serious? You rejected him because you-- you--”

“Because I am unworthy, Naegi. I would never doom anyone, let alone him, to such a fate.”   
  
Makoto blinked in shock. “What in the world could make you say something so dumb?”   
  
“Dumb, DUMB?!” Nagito stood up, and his voice began to rise rapidly. “It is not fucking  _ dumb,  _ Naegi! Do you have any idea what happens to the people who love me? They suffer, Makoto. They suffer or they die! My parents, my grandparents, my childhood friends. Even my dog when I was a kid. Loving me takes work, it’s not just said and done. I am broken beyond repair. Anyone who chooses to care for me, chooses to deal with everything that I endure every day of my life. I am literally a volcano that is waiting to erupt.”

Naegi’s eyebrows furrowed in determination. “No,” he said bluntly. “You are wrong. None of those things make you undeserving of love, Nagito. You deserve it just like everyone else.”   
  
Nagito let out a scream of frustration. “NO! You and Hajime are wrong! I don’t deserve it. No one understands.”   
  
“Have you ever thought that maybe you’re the one who doesn’t understand, Komaeda? Just because something is damaged doesn’t mean it's worthless!” Naegi starts yelling back.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Nagito’s yelling is so loud that Makoto can’t hear anything else. He screams back with just as much gusto. The two are so enthralled with their fight that neither of them hear the sounds of an ambulance approaching.

“You know what I think it is? I think you’re scared! You’re scared of the possibility that, if you were loved, you don’t know what could happen!” Makoto screams, and he can tell he’s hit a nerve.

“That is NOT true! I am scared, but not because of that! I’m scared because I DO know what will happen. Because it always does!” Nagito’s face was red with anger.

“You can’t know that for sure, you have to have hope!”   
  
“Do not talk to me about hope,” Nagito’s voice is quieter now, but it is still shaking with fury. It’s almost scarier than when he was yelling. “I know hope, and it is not this. Get out of my room.”

Makoto grunts in frustration, and stomps to the door. “Fine, but you’re being an idiot! You could be happy, y'know!”   
  
He crosses the hall to his own room and slams the door shut. Nagito gets up, screams one more time, and slams his own door in return. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this fic has a happy ending, don't give up on me yet! Let me know if this one hurt enough though, and what I could add if it didn't. Also don't be too mad at Nagito, he's just sad n scared. :,( Also, thank you for all of your kind comments on last chapter as well, I hope I didn't disappoint too much!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my GOD the comments on the last chapter... i can’t even express how happy it made me. i’m so glad you guys are enjoying it, and i’m so glad my angst is successful thus far. this next chapter is a little long! i hope it reaches your satisfaction. seriously, thank you so so so much!!!! i love you all
> 
> also! we’re getting pretty close to the end. my original plan for this story was 13/14 chapters, but i like things to end in 0 or 5 so i’m going to see if i can’t find some extras to add in there. let me know if there’s anything you guys would like to see, whether it be angst, a character appearance, or fluff!

Chiaki nervously drummed her fingers on the back of her game console, and tried to focus on the screen instead of her running thoughts. Hajime had been gone for quite a while, and it was getting to her. She didn’t know how long love confessions usually took, but she had a feeling that this one was taking a little too long. In the time since Hajime left, she had managed to take a fifteen minute nap, completed more than a handful of levels, and sent several worried text messages. She huffed, and paused her game, finally admitting to herself that it wasn’t distracting her enough.

Where was he? Even if he was still talking to Komaeda, surely by now he would have had time to text her back, or at least read the messages. But he hadn’t, and the small words on her phone still only read ‘delivered’.

Should she go check on him? Would he be mad at her for interrupting? Did she even want to risk interrupting such a personal moment? She was sure that if she barged in and everything had turned out to be fine, Hajime would be upset.

But how could she be sure that everything was fine? That night, Hajime had obviously been in a ton of pain, and she knew he was sick and weak. What if he had chickened out, and was now hiding somewhere throwing up petals? What if he couldn’t walk? What if she was wrong about his timeline, and he had run out of time sooner than she could have expected? What if she found him dead on the ground, having already suffocated?

“That’s it,” she announced to herself. Quick as a flash she hopped out of the car, and locked it with the key fob. She half walked, half sprinted into the complex, all the while chanting ‘ _please be okay, please be okay,’_ to herself.

Her breathing was heavy as she dashed around corner after corner, checking every hallway and staircase. She prayed she would not find him, that he was safe in Nagito’s apartment, and that the two of them were happily swooning over each other; that his case of Hanahaki was already improving.

Her prayers were denied, however, for as she exited the staircase halfway between the ground floor and Nagito’s apartment, she found him.

“Hinata!” she cried, and rushed to his side. He was crumpled on the ground, his head propped up on the wall in what could not have been a comfortable position. She pulled his head on her lap and brushed the hair out of his face, giving absolutely zero thought to the fact that he was covered in his own vomit.

“Hinata, wake up! Can you hear me?” she shouted desperately. “Hajime! Wake up, it's going to be okay, please wake up.”

She put her head to his nose, trying to hear if he was breathing. A miniscule amount of relief calmed her down the smallest bit as she confirmed that he was, in fact, still alive. She lightly tapped his face, trying to bring him to consciousness as she continued talking to him.

She pulled out her phone and dialed emergency services in a flash, grateful to her gaming skills for making it the quickest dial anyone had ever seen. Within moments a voice on the other end picked up.

“1-1-9, what is your emergency?”

“Yes hello?” she answered back frantically. “I need an ambulance STAT! My friend he--” she choked out a sob, still trying to revise the boy in her lap. “He has Hanahaki, and he refused treatment too long. I think he fainted, I found him on the floor and he’s not responding. He’s covered in vomit and petals--”

She let out another sob, as the person on the other side of the phone continued asking questions. “Is your friend breathing ma’am?”

“Yes, he’s breathing but--” It was then that Hajime’s eyes fluttered open, but the sight was not calming. His eyes were glazed over and foggy, he showed no sign of emotion or recognition. They fluttered open and closed, and his face lost all color. 

He groaned and yelped in pain, before he started coughing and more vomit bubbled from in his mouth. “Hajime!” She screamed. His body convulsed as his body forced him to regurgitate. She moved fast, and turned his head and body to the side within seconds, still cradling his head in her lap. She was completely freaking out, and didn’t even care that Hajime was vomiting down her thigh. She watched, and resisted the urge to scream as petals and stomach acid rushed out of his mouth.

“Ma’am, what's going on?” The emergency operator said calmly. “Is your friend okay?”

“No, no! He’s throwing up again, please, send help quickly!” She cried hysterically into the phone. How much was he going to throw up?

Her heart plummeted as the liquid and petals started coming out brown, and then bright red.

“Oh god, he’s throwing up blood now--” She gasped for air in between sobs. “Please, please help him!”

“Help is on the way ma’am. The ambulance will be there momentarily. For now, try to keep calm and please position your friend so that he will not choke on his vomit. Now, can you please tell me your location?”  
  
Chiaki quickly described what floor they were on and the location of the complex, not ever remembering anyone’s addresses but her own.

The 119 operator kept her on the phone, trying to keep her calm and assess the situation. Chiaki continued to try to wake Hajime, but it was to no avail. He had stopped vomiting, and had passed out once again.

It only took a few minutes before she heard the ambulance in the distance. She informed the operator, and hung up the phone so that she could give the paramedic’s her full attention.

“Here!” She yelled when she heard voices from the stairwell. “We’re over here, please, hurry!”

A group of four men and women rushed to the pair on the ground, and Chiaki burst back into hysterics. One of the paramedics took her place and told her to step back as the fustled over Hajime’s unconscious body

She watched, hugging herself and sobbing as the EMT’s spoke words that made no sense to her. She watched as they put him on an oxygen tube, took his vital signs, and one of them pressed on his stomach that made a last little bit of bloody bile trickle from his lips. They fussed for several minutes, and eventually lifted Hajime onto a stretcher.

The two men carried him down the steps, one of the women gathered the supplies, and the final woman came to Hajime’s side.

“Hello,” She said calmly. “My name is Hina, what is your name?”

“Chi-Chiaki,” She hiccuped back.

“Hi Chiaki, your friend is going to be just fine. He needs to be transported to a hospital, but we’ve got him stabilized for now. Does he have any family nearby we need to contact?”  
  
“No, no his parents live several hours away,” she answered.

“Well, it would be very unfortunate for us to just leave him alone, would you like to accompany us in the hospital?”

She nodded vigorously. “Please, please. I want to stay with him.”  
  
“You’re a good friend. We’ll get you cleaned up at the hospital, okay?”  
  
She nodded, and followed the woman quickly to the ambulance. They arrived just in time to watch the men load Hajime into the back of the vehicle. She stepped up into the back herself, and immediately rushed to his side. She gripped his hand, still sniffling from her onslaught of tears, and didn’t let go until she had no other choice.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He can’t open his eyes, his eyelids are too heavy.

He can, however, hear a steady beeping and soft breathing. Was that him?

He takes a deep breath to test this, and learns that no, it is not his breathing. He also learns that he is in a lot of pain. He whimpers softly at the pain in his chest, and closes his eyes tighter. His entire body is sore, from his feet to his hands, but the ache in his upper body is far worse. He flinches, as if he can shy away from his own body.

“Hajime?” A gentle voice calls to him.

He doesn’t want to answer, he wants to keep sleeping.

He grunts, and turns his head away from the direction of the voice. He suddenly becomes aware that something, or rather someone, is clenching his hand when the unknown grip suddenly gets tighter.

“Hajime, can you hear me?” the voice says again.

He grunts again. It’s no use, he can’t keep sleeping. Light is trying to break into his eyes, and the beeping doesn’t sound so distant anymore. Plus, his mouth is dry and his body aches far too much to rest comfortably. He slowly attempts to open his eyes, blinking rapidly at the bright lights that suddenly fill his vision. He’s taken aback for a moment, before things slowly start to focus.

One puzzle piece at a time, he slowly puts together where he is. Okay, so he’s in a hospital. Why is he in a hospital?

Everything comes back to him in a rush and he practically bolts awake, though he can’t move much. He frantically looks around, and his eyes fall on Nanami, who is looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Chiaki?” he croaks out, his voice husky and tired.

“Hey hey, how are you feeling?” She stands over him and pulls his hand to her chest, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Everything hurts,” he mumbles. “What happened?”

“Well,” She said softly. “I started to freak out when you hadn’t answered my texts, and you weren’t coming back. So, I came in to check on you. I found you blacked out on the floor, and you were covered in vomit and petals.”

Her voice cracked, and she cupped his cheek with her hand. “Hajime, it's bad. Like, really bad. You started throwing up blood.”  
  
Hajime expected to feel worse about his news, but he didn’t. He was completely numb. He just nodded, and waited for her to continue.

“They took some x-rays, and used some other imaging methods to look at the progression. The sunflower has wrapped completely around your lungs and heart, it’s possible that in a couple of days you won’t be able to breathe on your own,” Her voice cracked once more, and she began to cry. “The roots are also causing damage to your heart, only scratches but if it’s not able to heal before it happens again…” she trailed off, sniffling a little, but putting on a brave face. She was heartbroken, yes, but she was not the one in trouble.  
  
“Not only that, but the doctors are shocked that you can still even move your upper body,” she carried on. “The stem is huge, Hajime. It’s so big that if you start to sprout another, your airways will be blocked completely. If things stay the way they are, they estimate you have about two weeks.” The tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but her voice had turned strong.

Hajime looked up to the ceiling and took a deep breath. “Two weeks huh?” he chuckled grimly. “That’s not a lot of time. Has anyone contacted my parents?”

Chiaki nodded. “They left town immediately, they should be here in a couple of hours.”

He sighed. “Damn, they are not going to like this.”

There was a moment of silence, before Chiaki spoke softly again. “Hajime?” She said as though she was talking to a frightened child. “What happened before I found you? Did you even make it to Nagito?”

Hajime’s stomach twisted. He didn’t want to have this conversation, but it was inevitable.

“Yes,” he said simply.

Chiaki but couldn't help but let out a quick laugh. Even when he was dying, Hajime was still Hajime. “Now is not the time for pulling teeth, Haj,” She said with a smile before she looked at Hajime with pretend sternness. “I let you vomit on me, you better tell me what happened!”

Hajime shrank into his bed. “Sorry,” he mumbled. He hadn’t realized he had done that.”

“Hey hey, don’t worry about it!” she defended. “We’re friends, I’m just glad you’re okay. Besides, this conversation is important if we’re going to get you help.”

He tried to keep his face neutral, but it was hard. He already knew there was no help for him.

“Well, when I got there, he wasn’t home. So I spent some time talking to Byakuya and Makoto,” he started. Chiaki nodded, wanting to ask questions but wanting to hear the story more.

“We started talking about their relationship and they gave me some advice about expressing love. Eventually, Nagito got home from work. I could tell there was something wrong from the way he was acting. Makoto being makoto wouldn’t give us any privacy, so we headed to the roof.”  
  
Hajime’s eyes widened as he remembered something. “The hoodie!” He said eagerly. “The hoodie I was wearing, where is it?”

“It was covered in blood, vomit, and petals, Haj. It’s in the wash,” she answered him, wanting to get back to the story.

“Nagito let me borrow it because it was cold…” He trailed off, and his heart broke further in his chest. He hadn’t really had a chance to properly process the night, and the words that were spoken. Would he want the hoodie back? Would he even want to talk to Hajime? Was their relationship gone for good? He didn’t know, but he did know that Nagito did not want him, and that pain was indescribable.

He shook his head, ignoring the desire to cry. “When we got there I made him tell me about work, and he told me about Nozo.”

Chiaki tilted her head. “Nozo?”

Hajime quickly told her the story of the three legged kitten, and she nodded in understanding.

“Anyways, at first Nagito thought he and Nozo were similar, and he was right. They are similar, they even look alike. But something… Something happened, or something changed because that night he was talking like he would spit on himself if given the chance.”  
  
Tears tugged at his eyes as the memories of what had happened after, but he shoved them away.

_Nozo deserves love, plain and simple. I, on the other hand, do not._

He ignored the voices rushing through his mind. “He told me that the difference between him and the cat is that she is pure and deserves love, he wasn’t and he doesn’t.”

_I am a bomb waiting to go off. I’m broken. I can’t offer things that the rest of the world can. I’m just… worthless._

“I tried to fight him, to tell him that I loved him,” He couldn't help it anymore, tears trickled down his face without his permission. “But he either didn’t get it, or ignored it.

_I have hurt people, Hajime. And I will not burden anyone with the task of caring for me. Ever._

Chiaki noticed his tears, and reached for his hand once more. He gripped it tightly as the tears continued with his words. “By this point, it was happening again. It hurt so badly, and I was getting sick. So, I did the only thing I can think of. I kissed him.”

_I know my place. I am unworthy._

The words still beat at his mind, and he couldn’t get them out. He didn’t want to hear it anymore. Once was enough.

_There’s no way I’m dumb enough to believe you did that as anything but a joke. Well, Hajime, it's a damn cruel one. Stop it! Even if you were serious, which I_ know _you’re not, I_ just _told you I didn’t want to burden anyone with my existence, especially not you!_

_Especially not you._

_Especially not you._

_Especially not you. Especially not you. Especially not you. Especially not--_

Any strength in him left broke, and he sobbed once again. He clutched at his head and let his torment escape. He sobbed as Chiaki held his hand and rubbed his back with her other.

Rejection had been on the list for Hajime from the beginning, it had always been a possibility. However, he had never thought that he would be rejected because Nagito’s self hatred was too strong. That hurt more than the rejection itself. The fact that the most precious person to him on earth was in that much pain, that he truly loathed himself that much, killed him.

He ached, but not for himself. No, he couldn’t care what happened to him. He just wants Nagito to be loved.

Eventually, the tears slowed and Hajime was once again able to speak.

“He got mad, Chi,” he said between hiccups and breaths. “Really mad. He thought it was a prank. He said that even if it wasn’t a prank, he refused to burden me with his existence. And then he told me to leave.”

He finished his recollection, and the two sat in silence aside from his sniffles.

“Hinata,” Nanami finally whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. There were a few more moments of silence before she broke it again. “Did you tell him about the sunflower, Hajime?”

He shook his head. He didn’t want to do that to him.

“You don’t think that will change his mind?”

“How will me being sick suddenly make him realize he is worth the world?” he asked, his tone slightly snappy.

“It will make him realize that one, it's not a joke, and two just how much he means to you. He admires you, Hajime. If he can realize why someone who means as much to him as you truly loves him, he might think twice.”

Hajime thought for a moment. He knew that it wouldn’t be that simple, but he didn’t know how to tell her that. “He will only blame himself,” he said finally.

“Even so, he has a right to know.”  
  
He didn’t say anything. She was right, he couldn’t hide in this hospital until he died, which would then leave Nagito worse off than if he were to tell him now, but he didn’t want to tell her that.

“You’re really not going to tell him?”  
  
He said nothing.

“Fine,” she said, clearly upset. “I have to go call Kazuichi and tell him you’re awake.” She stood up and briskly exited the room, leaving Hajime feeling guilty and unsure in the hospital bed.

About ten minutes later, she returned and informed Hajime that Kazuichi was on his way. She had also handed him his phone and told him to call his parents. Then, she gave an excuse about having to do something at home. He couldn’t tell if she was just mad or genuinely had something to do, but he couldn’t expect her to stay at the hospital all day.

Soon after she left, some nurses came in to check on him and ask if everything was okay. They informed him that he had been given a dose of pain medicine that was expected to wear off soon, and to let them know if he needed more.

When they left, he picked up his phone and dialed his parents, deciding to not put off the conversation longer than needed. He spent a good thirty minutes calming them down to the best of his abilities, and giving them as much information as he could. He did leave out the fact that his source had been Nagito, though. His parents had always adored the ‘cooky little guy’, as they put it, and he didn’t want to taint their vision of him.

He had just ended the call when he heard the muffled sound of a familiar voice, and… was something bouncing?

  
  


Within seconds, a mound of color bursted into Hajime’s hospital room.

“No need to fear!” The familiar neon mechanic called out. He pulled some sunglasses to the tip of his nose and smirked at Hajime on the bed. “Kazuichi, is here.”

Hajime let out a roar of laughter, but quickly stopped when he realized how much it hurt him to do so. In one hand Kazuichi was holding a mound of around fifteen colored balloons. Some said ‘Get well soon!’, others were shaped like hearts, flowers, or cartoon characters. One of them even read ‘It’s a boy!’ The balloons bounced off of each other and stuck to his bright choppy mullet, following him around like a massive cloud of helium. In the other hand, he was holding a strange metal dome, and a bag full of various beverages, as well as a two foot stuffed lion tucked away in the crook of his elbow.

“Woah, careful there. Doc says you’re dying!” Kaz said as he set the lion on the foot of Hajime’s bed.

“Kaz, what is all of this?” Hajime said with a bright smile.

“Pick me ups for my favorite doofus, duh!”

Hajime grinned at his friend, thankful for his efforts to cheer him up.

“See over here we have the balloons, and yes I did buy out their entire stock,” he joked. “This guy’s name is toshi, I thought he was sick as fuck.” He gently tossed the lion into Hajime’s arms.

“Like me?” Hajime said, playing off both of his illness and ‘naturally cool vibe’.

“Hey, it's sad if you make fun of yourself, dude.” Souda criticized, but smiled.

“What’s in the bag?” Hajime asked.

Kazuichi shrugged. “There’s some sodas and Energy drinks for whoever is visiting you. Chiaki and Ibuki, along with myself and some other friends agreed we’d try to have at least one of us with you as much as possible. I figure I could leave some refreshments for the others.”

Hajime choked up. He was touched, truly, but he didn’t want his friends to go through so much trouble. “Oh, no,” he started, “That’s really not necess--”

“SHUT UP! Don’t let your humility get the best of you. I have not even reached the best part. Anyways!” Kazuichi lifted the weird metal dome into the air. “This, my dear friend, is just a little something I whipped up.”

Kaz reached for the lightswitch, leaving the room much darker than before. He heard him flip some sort of different switch, and suddenly the room was covered in images of the cosmos. It was gorgeous, the dome rotated on its own, giving the illusion that he was in space. Stars danced across the ceiling and walls around him, it was gorgeous.

“Kaz, you made this?” Hajime asked, shocked completely.

“Hell yeah! Just for you. I figure this room is gonna get boring. Not going to lie though, I totally stole the idea from an internet ad. Don’t tell anyone, I don’t want to get sued. But yeah, I just threw it together this morning! Neat, huh?”

He didn’t know what to say. He just stared, utterly speechless.

“I know, I know,” Kaz teased. “I truly am a gift.”

“Thank you,” Hajime said softly.

“Hey, don’t cry! Hospital or not I will mock you relentlessly.”

Souda had just turned off the starlight and turned on when the approaching sound of familiar voices made Hajime jump. His eyes widened and he looked at Kazuichi, who shrugged in response.

Please let him be wrong, he prayed. Please tell him he didn’t hear who he thought he heard.

He wasn’t wrong.

A few seconds later, Chiaki burst through the door again, but this time she was dragging Nagito by the arm behind her. Hajime just barely caught the tail end of Nagito’s sentence when there was silence. 

“Nanami, please, I still don’t understand why you brought me--” Nagito stopped.

No one said a word. Nagito stared at Hajime in the bed, and Hajime stared back. Never in his life had Hajime felt such fear.

The world stood still for too long, and Hajime’s heart stopped beating. He still couldn’t help himself, he longed for Nagito in every way.

Suddenly, Nagito rushed to his side. “Hinata!” he yelled, seemingly out of shock now. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you comfortable, do you need anything?” Nagito picked up his arm and started inspecting it for injuries. “Are you hurt?”

Chiaki interrupted his interrogation momentarily. “Hey shark boy, lets go hit up the cafeteria,” she said.

“What? No I want to watch thi--” Chiaki started pulling him out of the room by his ear. “Okay, okay! Cafeteria sounds fantastic!”

Nagito instantly began fussing again as soon as they had left the room. He quickly shot into more questions, and he rambled on about how worried he was.

Hajime’s heart broke even further. He wondered how there was any of it left to even break. He didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t want to hurt him.

Nagito noticed the change in his demeanor and paused. “Hajime,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Komaeda, do you hate me?” He asked, heartbroken.

Nagito’s expression turned to guilt. “I could never hate you,” he said softly.

Hajime laughed. “I’m not so sure about that.”  
  
“You’re scaring me, what’s wrong?”  
  
“Promise you won’t hate me?” he pleaded.

Nagito nodded, fear pumping through his veins.

Hajime let out a small cough, and gave Nagito a sad smile. 

Nagito didn’t know why, but his stomach dropped. His body seemed to know what was wrong before his mind did.

Hajime put two fingers inside his mouth, and pulled a yellow petal from within.

Nagito jerked back, causing the chair he had been standing in front of to fall to the floor. Horror painted his face. “No,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” Hajime tried to apologize.

“No! No, this is not happening,” Nagito quickly started to spiral.

He didn’t know what to say. It was definitely happening.

“Are you serious Hajime? Is this a joke? Are you seriously trying to tell me you have fallen this hard for _me_ , for garbage?”  
  
Nagito started pacing the room quickly, and his words sped up. “What are you thinking? I don’t understand any of this. How is it possible that you see anything in me at all, let alone anything worth putting yourself in so much pain? I don’t think you realize that I genuinely have nothing to offer you, nothing at all.”

_I just want you,_ Hajime thought to himself. 

Nagito’s words stung like salt in his already broken heart, but still he continued. “Seriously, you _know_ me, Hinata. Why did you think that this was a good idea? Did you really think that I would let you do such a thing to yourself?”

Hajime took his words with silence. He felt as though he deserved them.

“I seriously cannot think of a single reason why you would choose me.” Nagito stopped his speech for a moment, still pacing back and forth.

He hadn’t chosen Nagito, but he knew that he would have if given the choice. He would choose Nagito in every lifetime.

“I don’t know what to do,” Nagito cried in frustration. ”What are you going to tell everyone? If I had to look people in the eye and tell them that I was in love with Nagito Komaeda, I would never show my face again. How are you supposed to tell your friends, the same ones who are rightfully disgusted by me, that you’ve fallen for the most despicable creature on the planet and now it's killing you?”

That hurt. He didn’t know how to fight his words, he was too absorbed in his own toxic thoughts to even try to reason with, but it didn’t change the fact that his words tortured him. He hated the fact that Nagito truly didn’t realize how special he was, but he didn’t know how to tell him; how to make him believe.

Nagito didn’t notice the few tears that fell from Hajime’s eyes as he took Nagito’s insults and anger. He stopped pacing the room, and his shoulders fell. “Oh god, it's killing you.”

He turned to Hajime, his face white as a sheet. “ _I’m_ killing you.” His breathing became quick and heavy.  
  
“Nagito, this isn’t your fault,” Hajime croaked weakly.

“Are you blind?” Nagito laughed. “I told you, I _told_ you! Everyone who cares for me suffers or dies. I thought maybe, maybe I could keep you safe but I couldn’t, and now I’m killing you too.”  
  
“You’re not killing me, Nagito.”  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me? Then tell me Hajime, why are you in the hospital?”  
  
He didn’t know how to respond.

“What have I done?” Nagito was staring off into space, and he looked like he was going to be sick. “Oh dear god, what the fuck have I done?”

He squatted to the floor and put his head in his hands. He pulled at his hair and scratched at his coat as he spiraled. Hajime called to him, desperately trying to calm him down.

Suddenly, he jumped up and rushed to Hajime’s bedside without warning. He grasped his hand tightly in both of his, and despite everything going on, Hajime just wanted to pull his hands to his lips, and pepper him with kisses until he calmed down. But that would make everything worse.

“Hajime, how bad is it?” Nagito’s eyes were desperate, and his entire body was trembling. His eyes glowed in a way Hajime hadn’t seen since school. “How long do you have?”

He didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t want to feed his self destructive thoughts and behaviors. He didn’t want any of this. He just wanted Nagito to be happy, to be loved.

“Two weeks, tops,” he whispered reluctantly.

Komaeda gasped back a sob, before turning it into a laugh. Hajime knew this meant he was suffering deeply than he could properly express.

“Hinata, listen to me,” Nagito clutched his hand tightly and his eyes were filled with tears, a sight Hajime had never seen in all of their years of friendship. “You have to get the surgery, you have to get your feelings removed. It’s the only way.”

He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. His voice had been taken from him in a cruel trick of fate.

Nagito stared at him, begging him to agree with his eyes. Hajime stared back with an apologetic look, unable to express to him why he refused.

Nagito’s face turned angry again as he dropped Hajime’s hand and looked to the floor. A single tear fell from his face onto the hospital bed. “I thought you were supposed to love me,” he almost hissed.

“I do love you.” Although his voice was weak, and he was barely holding himself together, Hajime spoke these words like they were the only truth he knew.

“Then don’t do this, don’t make me lose someone else.”  
  
“Nagito...”

The white haired boy shook his head. He didn’t say anything, he just left the hospital room as he ignored Hajime begging for him to say.

When he had shut the door behind him, Nagito had rushed his way to the nearest bathroom and locked himself in before he was even aware he was doing it. He sank to the floor and curled up in the corner, ignoring the fact that the bathroom floor was probably crawling with germs. So what if he got an infection and died.

He let out a couple more tears before quickly wiping them away. Nagito had learned early that crying solved nothing. If anything it made you a target.

Crying didn’t stop the kids from beating you up. Crying didn’t make your foster home easier. Crying didn’t stop them from taking your dog. Crying didn’t bring your parents back from the dead, and crying certainly wouldn’t heal Hajime.

He didn’t even try to stop his thoughts from storming in his mind. He welcomed them. This madness was the only thing he knew.

He shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly. With his luck, good things never lasted.When it came down to it, he was surprised Hajime had lasted this long. He should be used to it. He was used to it in every other aspect of his life, but for some reason this one hurt. He didn’t want to lose Hajime. Hajime was all he had.

Why did it have to be him? Why Nagito? He felt like a parent who had taken his kid to a five star restaurant, and the child had ordered box mac and cheese. Except this time the dish was moldy, cold, and had bugs in it.

If Nagito had been anyone else, anyone else in the world, he would have taken Hajime in a heartbeat. Truth be told, he was all he could ever wish for. He was kind, and he made an effort to understand him. He was patient, and adventurous but yet never pushed him from his comfort zone. He was compassionate, and he made him laugh. He had taken the time to learn everything about Nagito, from how he liked the car, to what noises bothered him, to his favorite dishes; despite that nagito told him he was wasting his time and didn’t need so much attention. He was the only person who had ever cared for him.

He laughed to himself as he pictured what their life together could have been like if he wasn’t… well if he wasn’t himself. For a split second he thought about what Hajime’s lips had felt like, before he ejected the thoughts with vigor.

He didn’t deserve to think of such things. He knew his place. Nagito wasn’t even at the bottom of the pyramid, he was the dirt the pyramid was built on. His place was beneath everyone, a simple stepping stone for others to use to their discretion and advantage. The world had no need for him. Hajime had no need for him. 

He lifted his head slowly from his knees. If Hajime could not see that he was useless, he would just have to convince him. Hajime would not be dying, not on his watch. He _would_ convince him to get the surgery, no matter what.

  
  
  
  


After Nagito had left the room, Hajime had lost control. It was getting harder and harder to keep his composure. He turned on his side, and let the tears drown him.

Why was everything so hard? Why couldn’t Nagito just… let himself be loved? Knowing that the entire situation was a true ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ kind of deal made everything so much more frustrating, because he knew there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t stop the tears, or the swarm of emotions. He let himself break down right there, in that hospital bed.

Chiaki and Kazuichi returned several minutes later, and found Hajime a wailing, gasping mess. They tried to find out what was wrong, and what had happened, but his crying was making it hard to breathe and his chest was in agonizing pain.

Nanami immediately pressed the nurse button, and within moments they had appeared and attached him to oxygen, as well as administered more pain meds. Eventually he had calmed down enough to explain.

“Nagito wants me to get the surgery,” he said sorrowfully. “He doesn’t want me to love him anymore.”

Chiaki’s face fell, heartbroken for her best friend. She had been sure bringing Nagito to the hospital would work, but she had just caused more pain. Kazuichi turned his back to the hospital bed, but not before his friends got a glimpse of the anger on his face.

“It’s your only option now, I think.” Chiaki told him.

“I’m not going to do it,” Hajime said softly.

Kazuichi flipped back around. “What do you mean, you’re not going to do it? You will die if you don’t! I know you love him bro, but seriously?”

Hajime took a deep breath, and looked at his friends. 

“I’m sorry, I know it’s hard to understand, but if I lose my feelings for him, there is no one else in this world who will love him.” He paused to take a rattly breath. “No one else who will understand him, no one that will treasure him like he should be. If I lose this, he will be completely unloved, and I… I can’t let that happen. He has to be loved.”  
  


“Are you kidding me?” Kaz screeched. “So what! You can still be his friend, right? You can still love him, in a way.”

“Kazuichi, you know that’s not how this works,” Chiaki said softly.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s going to be hard. These next two weeks are going to be tough, but I’ve made my decision.” Hajime’s voice is stern, but also extremely gentle.

  
Chiaki starts crying, and he holds his arms out to her. She graciously accepts, and curls into his lap on the bed. Her tears soak through his hospital gown. With one hand he strokes her hair, and with the other he gestures for Kazuichi to join in a group hug, and he is a little surprised to find the mechanic is now crying as well. 

“It’s really that important to you?” Kazuichi sniffles.

Hajime nods.

“What are we going to do without you?” The mechanic cries.

“You’ll be okay,” Hajime says with a crack in his voice, and he begins to cry again as well.

The tears fall and the fact that he is actually going to die sets in him like a stone.

He’s going to die.

He is going to spend the last two weeks of his life in a stale hospital bed. He will never grow old, he will never travel the world. He will never see his apartment again, never see his office. He had seen so many people for the last time, and he hadn’t even known it was the last time. He will never get a dog, he will never have a kid. He will never have a quiet, comfy life with the love of his life. The love of his life doesn’t want him. His parents are going to have to bury him.

He can only hope that with his death, Nagito will realize how much he truly means to him. He prays that Nagito will begin to understand that if Hajime is willing to lay down his life for him to be loved, then that means he truly deserves it. Maybe one day down the road, after Hajime has passed, Nagito will find someone else who will be able to give him that love.

His heart aches at the thought of Nagito living his dream life with someone else, but it doesn’t matter.

As long as Nagito Komaeda is loved, Hajime is content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t worry he’s not gonna die lol
> 
> 3/8/2021 edit:
> 
> i'm SO sorry this chapter is taking so long, i had a whole bunch of things i had to take care of irl. it will be updated in the next 24 hours!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'll have this chapter up in the next 24 hours!  
> also me: doesn't post it for almost 48 hours
> 
> i'm so sorry, life has been crazy the past week. i'm not gonna force you to listen to my life's story, but i've just been crazy busy.
> 
> also, i finished this chapter late last night and i immediately sent it to my beta readers. one of them got back to me fairly quickly, but the other one still hasn't had a chance to read because of work. i'm nervous to post without both of their opinions, but i'm so anxious about keeping you in the dark that i've decided to just go with it. however if they get back to me and things need to be changed, i'll be reuploading this chapter later.
> 
> tldr this chapter may change, but i will keep you updated.
> 
> thank you for your patience!

It's been seven days since Hajime was admitted to the hospital. Every day, Nagito goes to see him, and every day Hajime tells him he loves him. Today is no different.

He strides down the hall, not even noticing the nurses and patients giving him polite smiles as he makes his way to Hajime's room. To anyone who knows him, he looks awful. Hell, he looks awful to people who don't know him too. His hair is in knots, he hasn't combed it in days. Dark circles surround his eyes. His lips are cracked and they bleed on and off, he hasn't been able to stop biting at them.

He hasn't had much food since he found out about Hajime, and he's had even less sleep. He has spent every waking moment trying to figure out ways to convince Hajime to accept the surgery, but none of them have worked.

He arrives at the same time he always did, and this time Ibuki Mioda is inside the room.

She is sitting . in one of the chairs, having a lively conversation with Hajime. Well, she was lively. Hajime... Hajime was alive. He's gotten worse. He is frail and thin now, even more so than Nagito. The color in his skin has all but drained. His eyes droop constantly, and his voice is hoarse and shaky. Most of the time, he doesn't even sit up. He can only eat every couple of days, and it is an excruciating experience for him when he does. He's hooked up to all sorts of fluids and monitors, and he doesn't get more than thirty minutes to himself before doctors and nurses are there to check on him anymore. 

Nagito gulps down his guilt. It is entirely his fault Hajime is in such terrible condition.

He pushes open the door, and Ibuki pauses her sentence. "Hello!" she says, completely in character.

Hajime carefully turns his head to look at Nagito, and despite his health, he smiles. He smiles at him, and for a moment his eyes brighten. He still looks at Nagito with all of the love and adoration in the world, and it hurts. He shouldn't be happy to see him. He should not still look at him the way that he does, like he is important. Hajime should hate him. Hajime should hate him more than he hates himself.

He hates the fact that he is glad that Hajime still smiles at him. He convinces himself that he's only happy because it means he can still change his mind about the surgery.

He looks away from Hajime's adoration, unable to handle the guilt. Then, he puts on a fake smile and forces himself to sound cheerful. "Good morning!" 

"Hi Nagito," Hajime says. His voice is so full of pain, but so full of joy. It sounds to him like a child who has no grasp of the despair in the world. It wounds him.

He pulls up the chair he has been sitting on every day, and takes his usual seat next to Hajime's bed. 

“Hajime and I were just talking about that time we snuck onto the school field, do you remember that?”

“We did that many times, Mioda.” Nagito said politely.

“You got me there,” She said with a cheeky wink. “But we’re talking about the time we tried to camp there overnight! Does that ring a bell?”

Nagito let out a coy chuckle, and turned his head to face Ibuki better. “Yes! I remember that night quite fondly,” He said, his voice soft. “It was so kind of you all to include me, despite the fact that I am nothing but a nuisance.”

“No one thought you were a nuisance,” Hajime protested weakly.

Nagito looked at him with a pained expression. He was wrong, so wrong, but he refused to admit it. He could be rid of the torment he was putting himself through so easily if he would just stop lying to himself. Why was he being so stubborn? He knew deep down Hajime didn’t want to hurt him; that he wasn’t ripping Nagito’s heart apart by making him watch him die day by day on purpose. But it sure felt that way.

He looked away, knowing his expression had said too much. 

Sensing some kind of sad tension in the air, Ibuki chirped up. “We had a blast that night! We each brought our own sleeping bag, and we were all huddled up together, making jokes and passing drinks.”   
  
“We were stupid to thing we would ever get away with it,” Hajime chided. Although his voice was faint, there was nostalgic joy evident in the words.

“Yeah… We could have planned it a bit better.” Ibuki admitted.

“Well, we lasted several hours before the cops showed up, didn’t we?” Nagito asked.

“Yeah! So many of us were trashed by then, I don’t know how we managed to escape,” she giggled.

“Probably because we made Nekomaru and Akane carry everything,” Nagito said. “We no doubt would have been caught without them.”   
  
“They didn’t carry everything, remember? Peko carried Fuyuhiko!” The three of them chuckled together, fondly remembering the night. “Leave it to a baby like him to be a lightweight!”

“Careful,” Nagito hummed. “If he were here right now, you surely would have lost several appendages.”

Ibuki cackled. “Whatever, he knows Ibuki is untouchable. She’s on his superwoman’s good side!”

Their laughter slowly died out, and once again the only sounds in the room were the machines attached to Hajime. Nagito avoided his gaze, feeling it on him like lasers. 

A few moments passed, and Ibuki finally spoke up again. “So, Nagito,” She began. “How long are you planning on staying here?”

Nagito blinked at the sudden question. “Um, why do you ask?”

She grinned at him mischievously. “Ibuki has worked up quite the appetite, and wants to check out the cafeteria!”

“Y’know, I don’t need to be babysat,” Hajime piped up.

“Hush, child! Grown ups are talking.”

Nagito nodded and finally turned back to Hajime, who caught his eyes with his own instantly. “Feel free to leave at your own discretion,” He said. “I’m staying here.”

“Awesome!” she exclaimed. “Be right back.”   
  
A few seconds later, the two heard the door close behind her, but neither of them had looked from each other.

Nagito’s heart sped up. He didn’t like the way Hajime was looking at him. There was too much love in his eyes, and he didn’t know what to do.

“Please stop,” Nagito choked out.

“Stop what?” Hajime said innocently.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you love me.”   
  
“I do love you.”

Nagito looked away, forcing the sudden burn in his eyes away. “You shouldn’t,” he stated.

Hajime used the small bit of energy he had to reach his hand out to him. Nagito took it wordlessly and without looking at him. Their fingers entwined and Hajime let out a content breath. The white haired boy had become much more affectionate since his hospital stay. Hajime knew it was probably not the best idea to take advantage of this; he was just getting his hopes up. He knew that Nagito was only doing these things to please him and that he wasn’t actually showing feelings. No, Nagito didn’t love him, otherwise he wouldn’t be sick. But he was sick, and he felt his life drift away every day. He should be pushing him away, he should be angry like all of his friends were. But he wasn’t, and in these moments where Nagito would hold his hand, or brush the hair out of his face, or he would wake up and Nagito was waiting for him, he could almost fool himself into believing he was happy.

“Do you remember what we did after we ran from the cops, Nagito?”

Nagito still didn’t look at him, but he shook his head.

“Everyone else went home, but we weren’t finished yet,” Hajime explained. “We took our sleeping bags, and we went straight to my parent’s backyard. We camped out, and we watched the stars together.”   
  
Komaeda bit his lip.

“You told me about how you and your mom used to look at the stars together. You taught me all of the constellations you knew, and the stories behind them.”   
  


It was getting harder not to cry. He looked down in his lap, and Hajime squeezed his hand tighter.

“Y’know, that was the night I realized I didn’t like Chiaki like I thought I did,” Hajime whispered.

He still said nothing.

“It’s always been you, Nagito.”

Nagito let out a dry sob, not wanting to hear those words. He wanted to pretend that they were just two friends reminiscing about old times. He didn’t want to think about the present. He definitely didn't want to think about the future. “We’ve been looking at the stars together for that long, and you still only recognize the big dipper.” He ignores the sadness in his voice.

“I also cannot count higher than seven,” Hajime joked back. Nagito couldn’t help but smile, and when he does Hajime visibly relaxes. “I miss those days.” 

Nagito thinks back to their time together momentarily before the heartless truth settles in once again. These memories are going to be all he has, they will never make more. Hajime has been the only constant in his life since his parents, and he too would die at Nagito’s hand. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to the sick boy.

“For what?” Hajime croaks.

“For killing you,” Nagito answers.

“This isn’t your fault, Nagito, I’m making this choice on my own.”

  
Emotions bubble up and heat his core. He was right, he was making this choice on his own.

“Then make a different one!” He cries. “Don’t do this to me.  _ Please _ , don’t make me lose you.”   
  
“Nagito, I’m not doing this to hurt you,” Hajime counters.

“Then why? I don’t understand.”   
  
Hajime takes a shaky breath. “I refuse to let you be unloved,”

Nagito laughs. “And what happens when you die, and I’m alone again? What happens when everyone hates me because I killed you, huh?”

“No one hates you Nagito, everyone cares for you.”   
  
“They won’t when you’re dead,” he spits.   
  
“They’re better than that,” Hajime insists. “You won’t be alone.”   
  
“I will!” Nagito yells. He clutches Hajime’s hands and pleads with his eyes. “I will, I won’t have you. I’ll never have anyone again.”   
  
“No. I believe in you,” Hajime says calmly. “I know that one day, you will see how much I love you. You will see why you are worthy; why I am willing to die for you. You will be loved again, I just hope you will love yourself.”   
  
Nagito wants to scream in frustration. “I can already see that you love me, Hajime! The evidence is right here. I can see that you’re willing to die for me, I’m watching it happen for fuck’s sake!”

“Seeing and understanding are two different things, Nagito.”   
  


“Stop it, just stop,” Nagito shakes his head.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Hajime replies.

Nagito stands up, and presses their foreheads together. His heart is racing, and he’s holding back tears with everything he has. He needs Hajime to listen, he feels like he’s drowning. He needs him to listen, and he will do anything to get him to.

“Hajime, please, I am begging you,” he cries, and his voice shatters Hajime’s heart. “I can’t lose you, please, you’re too precious to this world. Please, get the surgery. Please, let them take that  _ thing _ I planted in you out, please.”

Hajime starts to cry, and he brings his other hand up to cup Nagito’s face. “If I get the surgery, I’ll be lost anyways. I’ll have lost the only light in my life, I’ll lose you. I’m sorry Nagito, maybe it's selfish, but I can’t do it.”

Nagito subconsciously nuzzles into his touch, soaking up the feeling as he knows time is running out.

“No, no, you won’t lose me,” He chokes out, and the words can’t leave fast enough. “I’ll still be here, you’ll still have me! Please Hajime, please.” He pushes their foreheads closer, and he frantically tugs and grasps at the hem of Hajime’s hospital gown. He can’t lose him. He can’t.

“You know as well as I it won't be the same,” Hajime says softly as the tears roll down his face, and he rubs Nagito’s hand in an effort to soothe him. “I won’t love you anymore.”   
  
“So what? You’re better off that way. I’m… I’m unworthy.”

“I can’t. You’re a part of me, and you’re a part I refuse to lose.”

“Please, Hajime,” Nagito says desperately one more time.

“I love you,” Is Hajime’s response.

Nagito drops his hand and jumps back, immediately heading for the door. Hajime wants to call for him to come back, to hold him again, but he doesn’t. He knows better.

Nagito’s mind is a foggy flurry of emotions, and he just wants to get out. Get out. Please. Get out. 

He’s barely made it three steps away from Hajime’s hospital room when it happens.

There’s a sudden pressure to his jaw, then a burn, and then a throbbing. He finds himself hunched against the wall on the floor. His mouth is bleeding. Dazed and confused, he tries to look around, but doesn’t get the chance before he is hoisted to his feet by his collar, and someone is slamming against the wall.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Angry pink eyes and sharp teeth come into focus. “Why are you doing this?”

Kazuichi is fuming, his face is red and his expression is so enraged that Nagito worries he will be turned to stone. Nagito tries to question him in his post-punch haze, but he is cut off.

“You’re being a selfish asshole, and you know it. I know you want to love him, we all do, so why don’t you just do it already? Get your head out of your ass and help him!” The mechanic screams in his face, forearm against Nagito’s throat.

“I’m trying to convince him to get the surgery, Souda, I don’t know what else you want me to--”   
  
“He doesn’t want the fucking surgery, idiot! He just wants you!”

Nagito’s eyes narrow and swirl with anger. “Maybe I don’t want him,” he hisses.

Kazuichi lets out a yell and punches him again. He’s firing up a third fist when someone holds him back.

“Let him go, shark boy.” Chiaki says calmly. “We need to focus on Hajime.”

Kazuichi scowls at Nagito with a death glare, before wordlessly turning away and going into Hajime’s room.

Chiaki, however, stays a moment. No words are exchanged between her and Nagito, but she gives him a look. A look of pity, of heartbreak, and knowingness, all at once. She turns away and follows the mechanic moments later. Nagito has the strange urge to tell her to come back, to ask for her help, but he ignores it.

He wipes the blood from his lips, and begins his walk home. He is completely unaware that Hajime had heard the entire exchange, and will be crying himself to sleep that night. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As soon as he steps inside his apartment, he is greeted by a delicious smell wafting from the kitchen. His stomach growls, and he thinks that maybe he should try to eat again. He’s been too busy focusing on Hajime to really worry about three meals a day, and his stomach is making audible growls now. 

He is thankful to find that Makoto is home alone, as he was in no mood for interacting with Togami. He sulks into the kitchen, and notices Makoto has set out two sets of tableware. It looks like Byakuya is coming over after all.

“Evening, Naegi,” He sighs and walks to the fridge.

“Ko! You’re back earlier than I thought you would be,” Makoto flashes him a bright smile over the pans on the stove.

Nagito shrugged. “Sorry, it’s just like me to intrude,” He laments as he pulls a tupperware container full of leftovers from the fridge. “I’ll make sure to stay out of your way.”   
  


Naegi cocks his head and gives him a bewildered expression. “What?” he says, and then notices the food in Nagito’s hands. He quickly snatches it from his arms, and pouts at his roommate. “Hey! No snacking, I didn’t make all this food for nothing.”

Nagito blinks in confusion. “Huh?”

“I made your favorite!” he beams. “Or at least, I think I did. You like chicken curry, right?”   
  
The pale boy stays still and silent. He and Makoto were closer than most, sure; afterall, they were roommates. But still, the brunette usually spent dinnertime with his boyfriend, and Nagito wasn’t sure he had ever actually seen him cook anything but breakfast. Certainly never a meal for him, as he seemed to be implying he had done.

“Why would you make my favorite meal for Togami?” Nagito asks, sure he’s made a mistake in his line of thought. He’s stressed, tired, and hungry, surely he was wrong.

“Kuya isn’t coming over tonight,” Makoto explains. “I figure you need a friend, or at least a good meal. So, tonight it’s just us.”

Nagito’s heart twists painfully in his chest. He doesn’t deserve kindness like this. He’s a monster just like he always knew he was, and this past week has proven it. He doesn’t want Naegi to feel obligated to care for him, he knows he doesn’t deserve it.

“Naegi, you really didn’t need to do that. I’m just fine,” He takes the tupperware off of the counter Makoto had set it on, and heads for the microwave. “I know you would rather be with Togami anyways.”   
  
“No, that’s wrong!” Makoto insists. “We’re friends Komaeda, I did this for you because I wanted to. Besides, Kuya doesn’t like chicken curry unless it's made a specific way.”

“Then make it that way! You should enjoy your night and your meal instead of wasting it on me.”

“Too late!” Makoto says with a smile. “It’s already way past that point. I’ll be finished any minute.” He pauses stirring the food in front of him, and looks at Nagito with a kind expression. “Look,” He sighs. “If you’d rather just be alone that’s fine, I’ll let you be. But I know you haven’t been eating much, so at least take the dinner, okay?”

He wants to refuse, but the aroma around him is so wonderful that his mouth is already watering. Besides, who was he to make him waste all of his hard work?

He nods shyly, and Makoto beams. He debates retreating to his room until the food is ready, but decides that would be rude. Instead, he decides to be as little of a nuisance as he can be, and starts cleaning the dishes that Makoto is finished with.

It only takes around five minutes before Naegi has them both served up, and the two are munching away. As soon as the first bite touches his tongue, he has to resist the urge to let out a satisfied moan. The meal is truly delicious, rivaling even Teruteru’s cooking in his eyes. As soon as he swallows, his stomach growls for more.

Makoto lets out a happy chuckle, and holds up his chopsticks triumphantly. “Whatcha think? Pretty good, right?”

Nagito nods enthusiastically, shovelling another bite into his mouth. He doesn’t even want to stop eating to answer.

“I don’t have many talents, but I used to cook for my sister while my parents were working. I got pretty good at it! Well, I got good at the handful of dishes I know how to cook.”

“It’s delicious, Koto. I never dreamed there would ever be such a delicacy prepared with me in mind.”

“Well, you should get used to it. There are a lot of people that care about you in the world, you’ll get more than food with you in mind sooner or later.”

Nagito almost laughed. Before, he could accept that he was tolerated. Now, after what he had done to Hajime, it was no question that everyone hated him. Many of their ‘friends’ had come to visit Hajime throughout the week, and almost none of them would meet his eye. Everyone spoke to him in a bitter tongue, everyone blamed him. He knew that any semblance of affection was gone now. But it was fine, that was the way it should be.

“Don’t look like that,” The small boy encourages. “It’s true.”

He sighs and begins to play with his food, suddenly not as hungry as before. “You would be a fool to believe something like that.”

“No, just observant.”

Nagito thinks for a moment. “I think that perhaps, once upon a time, people put up with me. Now, everyone can finally see the truth through what I’ve done to Hajime.” He confides.

“The truth? What do you mean?”

“That I am just a pest,” Nagito stated bluntly. “That all I do is cause pain and suffering.”

To his surprise, Makoto let out a laugh. “Now that’s just ridiculous, in more than one way.”

“I wish it was, but it’s the truth. Since the fact that I made Hinata sick was uncovered, his friends won’t even look me in the eye. It’s about time too.”

Words like this usually evoked pity or anger in others. Occasionally they would be met with simple indifference. But before this moment, never had someone laughed as carefreely as Makoto did in response. Evidently, he found Nagito’s words ridiculous.

“There’s so much to uncover here,” Makoto giggled. “Honestly, what goes on in your head?”

He blinked in surprise. “What are you talking about?” he said curiously.

“Well, let’s start with your assumption that people were just putting up with you before,” Makoto said after composing himself. “I assume we’re talking about your old class. Now, I get that making friends isn’t easy for you, trust me, I do. But you’ve known these people for how long now? Since the womb? Whether they liked you at first or not, you can’t make as many good memories with a person as you guys have without developing at least some affection.”

He started to protest, but Makoto wasn’t done.

“Yeah yeah, I guess it is possible to still dislike someone after all that, but that’s not what’s happening here. I mean, seriously, think about it. We can’t even go to the grocery store without running into one of them, and they are  _ always _ genuinely happy to see you. I know that they all post about you online, they text you when they think about you, they include you whenever they can. People don’t continue to do that outside of school unless they care.”

“Sure they do, out of courteousness,” Nagito argued.

“They would have no need to be courteous to someone who isn’t going to be consistent in their life.”

“Well, then it’s out of habit.”

“Wrong, it’s too inconsistent to be a habit.”

“I don’t get it, is it consistent or not?” Nagito huffs.

“Both, because that’s what happens when you’re friends with someone.”

Nagito’s head was spinning a little. What he was saying made no sense, but it made him uneasy. “No, they only included me because of Hajime.”

“That’s not true, you just don’t accept their invitations when he’s not there. I specifically remember a couple of weeks ago they asked you to attend Nidai’s birthday party. You didn’t go because Hajime had to work, that doesn’t mean they didn’t want you there.”

“Because I know that they wouldn’t want me there anyways.”

“Then they wouldn’t have invited you, they knew in advance that Hajime wasn’t coming.”

Nagito didn’t have a rebuttal. He knew he was wrong, but he had no way to prove it.

“Then there’s this idea that they all hate you now, when that is very obviously wrong.” Naegi continued. 

“How could you possibly think that? You saw for yourself when you visited him the other day.”

“No, that’s what you think you saw. They’re angry, for sure. But they don’t hate you.”

“How could you possibly know what they’re feeling?” He’s getting defensive, even though he knows Makoto’s words are kind.

“Because, I’m feeling it too, Ko.” Naegi sighs.

Nagito grimaced. “And what is it that you’re feeling?”

“Well, anger for one, but it's not just aimed at you. We’re all mad at Hajime for putting it off for so long. We’re mad at the world. We’re mad at you too. But it’s not the anger you think it is.”

“What do you mean, what other kind of anger is there?”   
  
“We’re not mad at you because you’re ‘killing him’, as you put it. It’s not your fault he fell in love with you, and it’s not your fault he’s choosing to die. It wouldn’t be your fault if you didn’t have feelings either. You can’t control that stuff, on either end. Neither you or Hajime chose this path.”

Makoto took a deep breath, and flashed him a sympathetic look. “I think we’re mad because we all know how amazing you are, but you can’t see it. You won’t see it. You’re too stubborn to let yourself be loved.” He took a moment to think. “Actually, maybe it isn’t even you that we’re mad at. Maybe we’re just mad at the situation, because overall… we’re just sad. I’m losing Hajime, and it feels like I’ve already lost you.”   
  
The switch from ‘we’ to ‘I’ did not go unnoticed.

“We’re just sad, Nagito. We love you, and it hurts to think that you don’t believe us.”

Nagito gulped. His stomach felt like a pit, but Naegi continued on.

“But can I be honest with you?” he asked.

Nagito nodded hesitantly. “It doesn’t feel like this is the end. Even though I’m feeling all of these emotions, even though I’m scared. I can’t shake this feeling that there’s still hope. I kind of don’t want to, either.”

Nagito wanted to tell him he was insane, but he didn’t. Maybe hope was what he needed.

“I don’t know why, I just know it’s going to turn out okay,” Makoto said solemnly.

  
  
  


His conversation with his roommate had left Nagito feeling confused, hopeful, and irritated all at the same time. Now, as he lay in bed, he reflected on the conversation over and over again.

He didn’t deserve love… right? What if he did? What was he supposed to do then? His whole life’s dynamic was built on the foundation that he was going to be alone forever. How was he supposed to destroy everything he knew? It had taken him a long,  _ long _ time to accept this fact, to embrace it, to rid it of the pain it brought, and he had built his entire existence around that. How are you supposed to just erase all of that? Suppose he somehow manages to do such a thing, and then one day things go south? What then?

Then there was the other thing Makoto had told him, but he was sure that it wasn’t true.

Unless, could he really be wrong? Was he loved, and by more people than just Hajime?

He couldn’t help but think about interactions with all of Hajime’s friends. He thought about how Ibuki hugged him and joked with him every time they met, and how Mahiru had told him he was basically the only boy he enjoyed photographing and that she loved his smile. He thought about how Nekomaru and Akane always jumped to his defence nowadays, and how Mikan checked up on him all the time. Gundham had not only offered him a job, but had asked him to take it. Fuyuhiko and Peko always took him out gambling, they said he was their good luck charm, despite the fact that he never played. Kazuichi had gone from calling him insane with distaste, to calling him crazy in a friendly way. Even Hiyoko’s insults weren't bad anymore. 

Maybe he was loved?

He shook his head to himself. No, he couldn’t be loved. He didn’t want to be. Alone was what he knew. Alone was safe. Alone was home.

_ Hajime was home too, _ he thought to himself.

No, he shut that thought down in an instant. Hajime was a friend that had been too good to be true, and Hajime was leaving.

Hajime was not home. Hajime was a persistent, friendly person who made a mistake. Hajime was a guy who had made Nagito happy, sure, but home? No. Home doesn’t have soft skin, and a nice voice, and pretty eyes. Home doesn’t smell like citrus, home doesn’t make you feel appreciated. 

Home doesn’t look at you the way he did.

No, home was alone. Alone was what he knew. Darkness, cold, safety. This was Nagito’s home. He couldn’t change that, no matter how much he started to wish he could.


End file.
